Should we try one more time or stop now and be thankful?

[TaytoCrisp]

I'm very sad today after our second postmortem results meeting with the consultant in a short space of time... I think it may be time to give up hope for a much wanted second child... But am finding it so hard...

We have a beautiful, bubbly, gorgeous, healthy little girl - the centre of our lives. We are very grateful for her.

Last year I got pregnant and we were so looking forward to the arrival of our little boy in November; unfortunately he arrived at 23 weeks in July. It happened suddenly - unexplained bleeding between the placenta and uterus, which caused placenta abruption and sudden labour. We were devastated but thought it was just really bad luck; and that we should try again. The blood tests showed that I have a blood clotting disorder, so I was advised to take aspirin and heparin to minimise the liklihood of a possible blood clot in a future pregnancy which might have caused the bleeding.

A few months later I became pregnant again (fortunately conceiving has never been a problem); and I started the aspirin and heparin. I didn't feel very well throughout the first semester but that's not uncommon in pregnancy! We had a 13 week scan and all seemed fine. Then at 14 weeks while watching tv I suddenly started bleeding (no pain) and started to miscarry - we lost our tiny little baby girl. The results suggested the same thing as before - baby perfect and nothing wrong with me per se - the misscarrige was due to unexplained bleeding between the womb and placenta - so the aspirin and heparin didn't work..

So now we are faced with the decision of accepting this situation; and being thankful for our little girl - or going through another pregnancy with a good chance (no idea of probability) of a sudden late loss at any point due to unexplained bleeding. I have a number of risk factors now - aged 39; have a blood clotting disorder; two late losses and a previous cs. But it's hard to give up ours hopes for a family of 4 - though the thought of pregnancy fills me with utter dread... Maybe we should just get on with our lives and be thankful..

I know it's a decision that only we can make; but I though that posting here might help us think it through (not sure where else to post)

Thanks for reading xxx

Im so sorry for your losses. As you say, its a very personal decision that only you and your other half can make. Youre right that its wonderful you have your lovely daughter but that doesn't always stop the yearning for another baby.

Maybe you could just give yourself time to process what's happened and speak to your consultant or other specialist about what else they can try to prevent this happening again? You must have had this blood disorder when you had your first girl and she was carried successfully?

You may feel differently in a few months time but that really is for you to decide...you may feel one way now and change your mind completely in time?

Good luck with whatever you decide x

i'm so sorry for your losses, your post resonated with me as i had one well fantastic dd
but my ds died shortly after birth[massive heart problems]
and ive had 2 mc too

im actually 5 and a half weeks pg with red spotting atm

and im thinking the same as you, what shall we do

but just wanted to say even if you try again, it doesnt mean your not concentrating on your lovely dd, or being grateful for what you have

its perfectly understanderble that you may choose not to try again, and like you say only you can really decide that

just wanted to say, i know how you feel and good luck

The time does come when giving up is less painful than trying again, I think. I had four mcs between my 2 dcs, so obviously I am very thankful I did keep trying - but, although horrible, they were much earlier mcs than yours. I can never go through it again, so def no attempt at dc3!
In your position, are you receiving the best possible medical care, is there anyone who specialises in the bleeding you describe or who uses more experimental treatments? I think it is easier to give up if you feel you have tried everything (even if you have to travel for consultations). Very sorry for everything you're going through. By the way, had dc2 just before turning 42, you're not too old yet!