Support thread for miscarriage and management of it -

[dorapeppageorgenoddy]

Sadly there seems to be a group of us going through a similar experience so I thought a shared thread may help to 'talk' on -

I'm currently hiding from the world in bed, lost all motivation for anything but not sleeping at night, had awful dreams like it was twins and one is still alive.

Had the ERPC on Wednesday evening after a scan in the afternoon, (was meant to be 11 weeks and baby had stopped at about 7 weeks) think that all happened quickly just by coincidence and the fact I hadn't eaten and space on the list etc - but realise everyone story is different -

Anyway I hope we can share and ask questions here, MN had helped me so much in the last 5 days -

Thinking of you all -

I agree completely. I've had 3 mc and somehow managed to keep all the scan pictures but they were hidden under stuff. I shouldn't have done that because when we were cleaning up least week from some building work I came across them and it upset me so much that I asked dh to just get rid of them. so he put them in the fire and we made it a goodbye to them. I feel like I can stop holding on to them now and move on to another try.

Shelly I agree you should talk to your GP. Did you know you can get PND after a MC? I have also been depressed and anxious, and have seen my GP who has referred me to psych services for some CBT. I have also seen a private therapist for 4 sessions which has been really really helpful. Like you, I have not felt like myself at all these past weeks and have lost interest in things and done a lot of staying in bed and crying. Get the support you need. There's no shame in admitting to depression, please don't struggle on alone.

Absolutely. if you recognise you need the help then you are on your way to getting better, but you need a lot of help from professionals too.
it took me months to get better after my first, but the next time I knew what to look for. it sounds very similar to how I felt. I had citalopram and talk therapy.

Thanks everyone...
Im a raging control freak so this is driving me mental, i can't fight it, beat it or use it.

My mantra has always been, 'You can't control what happens to yo, only how you respond to it'. Thats the problem, I can't physically control myself. I hate how i feel but can't make it go away.

I've no one to show this thread to. Im deeply hurt by my family. I hadn't announced my pregnancy. I was going to do it tomorrow. My mother, sister &grown up dc were totally freaked out when i said i had to go into hospital, that i had a mc. At first i thought it was because i had a mc, no it was because i had been pregnant.

Dp dosn't get it. He's actually been trying really hard. He's done more since I've had the mc then he'd ever done after any of the dc were born.

I had pnd after Dc4. I ended up very ill. I spent 2 years on anti depressents. The side affects were awful but i had developed paranoia & had planned the perfect suicide so i became so scared of my mental state that i tolerated the side effects. That was my last dealing with a GP. They were utterly useless. I haven't been to see a GP in about 5 years. So it will take alot for me to go back. I did a self referal form for maternity care. I had planned on a homebirth. Unless i really had to, i would avoid Drs when pregnant, just like my last 2 pregnancies.

Im struggling because its a Saturday, Saturday used to be my favourite day of the week now i just remember Saturday being the day it all went wrong. Tomorrows Mothers Day it& the day i should have been sharing my news. Friends announced they are expecting in September, days before my due date. Its hit me how isolated i am. People i considered friends are really just other Mums on the school run.

Thanks for listening. Im embarressed reading my whiny posts. I don't recognise myself anymore!

I recognise myself in your post, you aren't quite you, but at least you know it.
there's an independent counselling place here called the Paul Bowers centre that you can reach out to without going through a GP. have a look we whether there's something like that around you.

on another note... this is the worst day of the year for me. I should be included in the day. if I'd had my first baby not a mmc I'd have a 3 year old DC by now. my mum is going on holiday today and dh has gone out with his dad to chop wood all morning. ppl just don't understand how long it affects thou for...

Mothers day.

I'm not going to be a mother this year.
I was going to tell my mum I was pregnant today.
Instead I'm 2 weeks post losing my babies, 2 litres of blood and almost my life.
We can't try again until September at the earliest.

Why is life so cruel?

delilahbelle I'm so sorry for your lose and what you are going through. I had a mc Monay 4the March and its so hard. Life is cruel but maybe we will be luckier next time.

My thoughts and best wishes.

Need to vent & have a good cry! First day back at work after my ERPC nearly 2 wks ago. At my work place we have to have "Return to work" interviews explaining to our line managers why we have been off. I assumed as my head, deputy head & my head of department knew why I was absent I wouldn't have to have one. Oh no, first thing this morning before I had even taught a class I was there in the deputy's office answering the set questions: why were you absent? What prevented you from working? Did you seek medical intervention? Blah, blah, blah. I just burst into tears. The deputy head said "I knew this would upset you", then why make me go through the process? At then end she then said "at least it won't count on your absence record", well hurrah! That makes me feel so much better!

Sorry for the moan & sarcasm but just needed to get that off my chest!

Grrr!!

FFS! That is bollocks! How insensitive can you get!

Thank you. Glad I'm not the only one that thinks its crap. Immediately texted DH after as was so upset & he was so angry he was going to ring my head but I convinced him not to, don't want to cause waves & as my school is restructuring I'll be re-applying for my post in the next xou

couple of months. Don't want angry DH in the head'a mind when it comes to selecting candidates!!

(Sorry for incomplete msg - bloody iPhone!)

Delilahbelle- I want to hug you... Yesterday was the day i was going to announce my pregnancy. I had bought special cards to put the scan pictures in. Got them for the nans&my sisters&my mum. It was a very hard day. Im glad its over.

Saggy - there are bumps&babies everywhere! I would have been 14 weeks by now so of course are lots of other Mums. I've heard of a few now& in my mind, i stick my fingers in my ears &sing, 'La la la la!!

Icklemssunshine- Your day sounds tough... Why was it necessary to do a return to work interview, in the bog standard way? At least tomorrow will be easier. Take care of yourself.

Your partners/husbands sound very thoughtful&lovely.

Take care of yourselves & thanks to everyone who gave me advice. I've really realised i need to cut myself some slack but at the same time force myself to deal with the MMC.

Im going to do some stuff this week to remember the baby. I haven't been to church since before i lost the baby so i will start by going to mass tomorrow.

I have my eye on a particular Tiffany ring. Its a plain silver band, with a teeny tiny sapphire in it. Sapphire is the birth stone for september when the baby would have been due. Its really plain and simple. Its my birthday soon, Im going to buy it for myself. Im going to have 'forget me not' engraved inside. For me personally, a lot of the miscarriage memorial jewellery is a bit 'obvious'. This would be something only I would know the signifigance of, which suits my mindset right now.

Sounds beautiful Saggy. Someone mentioned planting a tree & watching it grow but when we moved into our home 5 years ago first thing we did was chop down 2 trees to give us light!! I like the idea of watching something grow so I've bought a flowerpot with a angel on it so I can always grow house plants in it :)

Ickle - I'm sorry that happened today - sounds awful practice - and not very fair -

Everyone else I'm sorry you are going through this - we should all choose a day maybe next Sunday when we plant a tree or plant as a mark of what we have lost -

Thinking of you all, this is very hard -

Dropping by to send some virtual hugs. I had surgery just over three weeks ago. Emotionally I am o.k. at the minute but was tearful at the time, I have heard the grief can come in waves though. I also had some fantastic help here. People IRL just don´t know what to say sometimes and something silly comes out. I had been bed rest for three weeks and when I told my DM about my MMC she said, ´well at least you can get out now.´ She didn´t mean it funny, but all the same it hurt. I also, like others have mentioned, got upset when people didn´t really acknowledge it and thought the surgery meant everything was over. TGFMN!
Miscarriage is certainly more common than I realised. This was my first mmc trying to conceive for no1. I have had thyroid problems and hashimotos and waiting to hear back about blood results and a thryoid scan before I can start to think about ttc again but I am petrified I will have the same experience. Babies and pregnant women are everywhere and that is hard to swallow at first, but I have invited a friend and her child this week so I can have some much needed hugs. Thinking about all of you going through this.

Ickle that is awful. If they already knew the reason why put you through that? Beyond insensitive.

Saggy the ring sounds perfect.

Hi to Delilah, little chick and escorpion. It is crap that so many of us are facing this.

I tried to get a GP appointment to talk about referral yesterday but there are 'no prebookable appointments' so I have to spend every morning fighting with everyone who is actually unwell for an appt on the day and I'll have to see the duty doctor rather than the one with an interest in reproductive medicine. I would have been perfectly happy with one for next week FFS.

Morning everyone, hope we can find it in ourselves to have a positive day. Apart from the episode yesterday of the "return to work" interview I have been relatively good (taking each day as it comes as I recognise there will be days when I could wake up in a terrible mood, just trying to be thankful for each happy day). Baking - my school is like that. Policies and procedures MUST be followed, think the universe may implode if they don't :) Whatbare you asking for a referral for? Have I missed something on a previous thread? Really hope you get an appointment. My surgery is the same, you have to ring at 8am and just hope you get an appointment. I'm lucky, they are organised and I've never usually had to wait. I do however have the most aloof GP known to man and he barely looks away from his computer - I think he's psychic, he can diagnose an infection just ny a swift glance at me!

(try to) have a good day everyone!

Morning. I started bleeding on Friday and had a scan yesterday to confirm I have miscarried. I was 9 weeks. I had mmc in July last year so thought I'd had my bad luck and this time would be fine. Physically doing ok, bleeding has slowed down and no pain. Scan showed that everything was gone & womb almost back to normal already. This is a blessing in some ways as last year I was still having scans & BFP in the September & didn't get the all clear to try again until October. I'd never wanted a BFN so much. Hoping that when I do the test in 10 days it will show BFN straight away and we can start trying again? Hopefully third time lucky. We're going to the garden centre today as i need to get out of the house. Will be looking for a cat ornament to remember our car who died last year but also going to look for 2 small statues to remember our babies. Did think of a plant but if we ever move house I wouldn't want to leave them behind.

Topslou, I am so sorry for your loss. I was on the AN Oct thread before having my mc last week. Its really hard and My thoughts are with you.

Not sure if you remember Euro too? We are on a thread under pregnancy (is it too early after mc) and we have read some inspirational stories from other women that mc. It's helped me. Join us if you want.

Topslou I'm sorry to hear that. I've been told I've had a mmc and I'm still waiting to bleed. Hoping to do it naturally, but will have an ERPC if it doesn't happen soonish. I hope it is third time lucky for you. x

Euro really sorry to see you here.
Topslou, that is a horrible thing to happen, so very unfair. Thinking of you.

Hi Topslou + Euro - I should have been an Oct baby too - never joined the thread as too paranoid (rightly as it turned out) after previous miscarriages. I hope you get a BFN quickly and are able to try again. There's a really great thread here for anyone TTC after a MC - they were a great support to me after I MC in September.

For those of you looking for garden ornaments, I don't know if you might like these engraved pebbles. I have a corner of the garden which has memorial plants for my lost babies, and I'm planning to get a pebble for each of them.

I'm trying to get a referral for recurrent MC work up since I've now had three at 8-10 weeks. Suspect I won't get anywhere on the NHS since I had my DS2 after MC1 so it's not three in a row. I finally got through to the GP this morning but can't even get an appointment to see GP until next week so am going to approach a consultant directly and see if I can get the ball rolling. I'm 38, I don't have any time to lose, and I can't have another 6-12m TTC only to lose it at 8 weeks and only be in the position to be helped on the NHS another year down the line.

Hi All, so sorry we are all going through this. I MC at 7 weeks last May and I am now recovering from a MC at 18 weeks + 5, I gave birth on 21st Feb. It's all so unfair.
I switch between being positive and giving myself little goals and stuff to focus on like booking a holiday for when my EDD would have been in mid July, me and DH organising date nights to look forward to. Then all of a sudden it will hit me that I'm not carrying my baby anymore and I feel sad, guilty and a failure. I also fear for the future- I had complications and had to have surgery and blood transfusions and DH isn't keen on the idea of having to face that again and I know I will be petrified for the whole 9 months if I ever got preg again- but the feeling of longing will never go away. We have a 4 yo DS but somehow our family doesn't feel complete yet.
DH has gone back to work today, I am missing him so much as he has been off since we found out we lost the baby.