Will I ever feel well again.

[mishmash13]

I've never posted on a forum before but at such a low ebb right now I think it might help to try and see if anyone else has felt like this. I had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago at 8 weeks. It was my first pregnancy, and we were so excited about having a baby. The miscarriage was incredibly painful and traumatic, I ended up going to A&E in the middle of the night as passed out and had to have an ERPC in the hospital. It was all very sudden and overwhelming. I have a really demanding job so went back to work after a week as I'm managing a project that was basically on standstill until I got back. Since then I have felt absolutely terrible, completely run down and with zero energy. On Wednesday last week I started to get a cold and I've basically been unable to get out of bed since and have had to call in sick at work again. I feel so guilty, I can tell my boss is not impressed and I haven't told anyone at work what happened as it's quite gossipy environment and I can't stand everyone to know. As a result the pressure of being at work and "brave facing" it out when basically my heart is broken and I am physically exhausted is too much. I can't even remember the last time I felt well and can't imagine every feeling well again. I don't know what to do but just had a completely low point and don't know how to carry on. Thanks for reading, sorry for the big moan but just need to get it off my chest I guess.
Michelle

Hi Michelle, I'm so sorry you lost your baby. I've had 2 MCs, at 8 and 10 weeks and ended up in hospital both times. I felt physically crap for weeks afterwards. You've been through the mill, both physically and emotionally, and you need to allow yourself to recover. Pregnancy related sick leave can't be counted against you, so if you need more time then take it. To heal ,you need to physically look after yourself, and gradually move through a process of grieving for what you've lost. You will feel well again, promise.
Can you decide to make one positive step towards healing in each area? Something that will make you feel better physically ( massage, haircut, duvet day) and something that makes you feel better emotionally (good cry, plant a tree, release a balloon, memorial jewellery, write a letter to baby). You just need to take each day as it comes, allow yourself to feel however you feel, and keep taking little steps forward. You'll get through this.

mishmash, I'm really sorry to hear you lost your baby. It's such a shock, especially when it's the first time and you just really feel like I won't happen to you. That's how I was anyway - I also didn't realise that a mc at week 8 could be so painful both physically and emotionally.

It sounds like you went back to work too quickly - not your fault, it sounds like you didn't have much choice. I think you could really do with going to the doctor and explaining how you're feeling and getting signed off for a week. In the long run it's going to be better for you and your workplace. It's easy to imagine people are bitching and gossiping, but in my experience it's not as bad as you think it'll be. If you don't take some time to recover, you could continue to get illnesses and feel worse. I think it's easy to think you can rush back once the bleeding has stopped, but it's a bigger deal than that sometimes. My cycles are still all over the place 8 months after my mc at 8 wks and physically I just don't feel like I did before it happened. But I was lucky enough to have an understanding boss who I told what had happened and who was insistent I didn't rush back or feel guilty for not doing so. I agree with the above - you need to treat yourself, give yourself permission to grieve for your loss and look after yourself - good diet, exercise, holiday (if possible) and some time out of the office.

You will feel better soon but 3 weeks is such a short time to get over something like this.

Thank you for your kind words. I feel a bit better today after the cold is clearing and realise I have been rushing to get well and move on. I've treated myself to a new coat and cried (a lot) so it's steps in the right direction and I'm feeling a lot more positive. Thank you for your advice x

That's good mishmash. It's good to have a cry. I remember feeling worse than I've ever felt in my life after my first mc. I pretty much stared into space for 24 hrs and couldn't speak without crying. It's such a combination of loss, sadness and hormones. I think sometimes it is easy to think how long it 'should' take you to get over something and feel bad if you haven't. But it's a big deal. The midwife I saw at the EPU was brilliant for making me see that and that I didn't have to put on a brave face and get on with things. You're entitled to grieve and feel shit. Hope you carry on feeling better and things work out next time.