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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Will this be deemed as considerate or insensitive?

10 replies

LittleMilla · 04/02/2013 20:36

A friend (/acquaintance) has just miscarried at 13 weeks. We have become pals as we have sons the same age and will meet up for play dates. We've had her and her DH over for dinner with some others too.

I am 16 weeks pg and so she'd confided in me that she too was pg and we'd been getting excited about having mat leave at the same time. Then on Friday she text me her bad news. I text her today as I knew we had a hosp appt but she said it'd all happened naturally.

Was thinking I would send some flowers to say I'm thinking of her/rest up etc but suddenly thought it might be insensitive. Could the flowers be a reminder when she prob wants to move on? I don't know.

Can anyone advise pls as I don't want a good gesture to upset? Thx

OP posts:

myflabberisgasted · 04/02/2013 20:46

I haven't gone through this personally but I think you're a lovely friend and it sounds like a lovely idea to me. It shows you're thinking for her.

But as I say I haven't even through this personally so I wouldn't know.

ClaryCazalet · 04/02/2013 20:48

I don't think flowers would be insensitive. They just say that you're thinking of her. It's a really difficult position but I really don't think flowers would offend, and would prob be easier than writing a card or something similar?

tasmaniandevilchaser · 04/02/2013 20:50

People sent me flowers after my 2nd pg loss in a short space of time, I really appreciated it. I love flowers. Everyone is different though, I can remember someone not liking it on one of these threads. However, I' m sure she'll appreciate the kind thought, you sound like a lovely friend.

spanky2 · 04/02/2013 20:51

If flowers seem too much how about one of those cards for a friend. I think flowers would be lovely . It shows you are thinking of her ata really sad time. For you as you must be sad for her.

BusyTiredAndLoveIt · 04/02/2013 20:51

I think it's best to judge for yourself as you know her.

Personally I think it's a lovely idea. I've had mc's and would have appreciated the flowers.

Just word your note carefully

Crikeyblimey · 04/02/2013 20:51

Think she will appreciate flowers. It can be difficult and people (naturally) don't know what to say but having been there myself, I much preferred that my loss was acknowledged. Send the flowers, she'll appreciate it and you are lovely to be thinking so sensitively about this.

Theas18 · 04/02/2013 20:53

Send the flowers. You need to mark the distance of her baby in some way, ignoring it would be far more painful for her.

Original poster

LittleMilla · 04/02/2013 21:13

Thank you for your replies.

I've ordered flowers for delivery tomorrow with a short note to say we're thinking of her and hope she feels better soon (she'd said in the texts that she felt sore).

I'll then leave her to let me know when she wants to meet up. I am sure my burgeoning bump isn't what she's going to see for a very long time, which is entirely understandable. I feel so horribly guilty not having gone through this and so everyone's advice is helpful, thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleMilla · 05/02/2013 18:33

She loved them and was really appreciative. I even (very luckily) managed to choose her wedding flowers.

Thanks again for advice.

OP posts:

bzzbee · 05/02/2013 18:36

You sound like a great friend.

Personally, I don't think I've ever wanted flowers (if it's possible to consciously want them) MORE than when I had my mc.
Other occasions, at least the happy ones, tend to have a happy focus of their own, flowers are jsut an added bonus. A mc is so devastating, depressing and lonely, that getting flowers sends the message that someone cares, and the event is "real".

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