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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Please help - I feel lost x

191 replies

Mummytothearkbuilder · 03/02/2013 11:32

I posted on here last week as I had been anxious since I got my BFP and had some lovely reassuring responses.

My HCG level had been re-tested last week and come back all good so was looking forward to my early scan that I had booked hoping to see the heartbeat for full reassurance.

We went yesterday and after an abdominal and internal scan the guy said he couldn't see a heartbeat - just a sac and foetus with no heartbeat - we were devastated and spoke to our local maternity unit who said we go to A&E and they will re-do bloods however they came back increased (from 17866 on 30th Jan to 20202) so we were given a small glimmer of hope.

Just been for a wee and have some brown discharge so I guess the sonographer was right. I am so sad I don't know how I should act or what to do - I am scared of what is to come and passing the baby (because that's what it is to me - I can't rationalise it as some cells that didn't form properly).

I desperately wanted another baby and a sibling for my little boy - he is 4 in April and I was already worried about a big age gap.

Please help me xxx

OP posts:

Report

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 14/02/2013 21:01

BlackholesAndRevelations · 14/02/2013 21:10

Just sharing my experience (which is still very raw) sorry if I've offended

BlackholesAndRevelations · 14/02/2013 21:11

Ps I read that link before, more than once!

wizzler · 14/02/2013 21:18

Thinking of you Mummytothearkbuilder... I had 3 mc and it is so hard. Just wanted to say, that I fell pg with DD straight away after having a mc , and although I was very apprehensive throughout, she is now a beautiful 6 yo

Take things at your own pace

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 14/02/2013 22:49

I'm so sorry BlackHoles! My post wasn't worded very sensitively. We're all raw at the moment. {{hugs}} please don't be because of me.

fod27 · 14/02/2013 23:24

Devastated Hi, I'm new to all this.. I've been reading threads for a while but never commented. We had been ttc for 6 months after the implant and were sooo overjoyed when we fell pregnant, however we went for our 12 week scan yesterday and were told that there was no heartbeat...we lost our baby at 8 weeks ;,( i feel as though I've had my heart ripped out. As I didn't bleed I'm waiting for the inevitable, I'm petrified of what's to come and whether we will be able to conceive again. It's left us questioning everything... I guess I'm just looking for light at the end of the tunnel.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 15/02/2013 07:10

fod I'm so sorry. Take time to grieve. Lots if hugs and handholding xx
saggy I'm sorry too. I know it helps to hold on to a glimmer of hope. Hugs back xx

janey1234 · 15/02/2013 07:33

Fod - exactly the same happened to me. It's horrendous. There is light at the end of the tunnel though: you WILL get through this. And if you want to try again you can - I did and am 20 weeks pregnant now. So it happening once doesn't mean it will happen again.

I went through it naturally and I won't lie it's not nice. But you get throughout somehow. Be kind to yourself and take it easy - I ended up having over a week off work as it really took it out if me.

Tame care, lots of support here if you need it x

fod27 · 15/02/2013 09:54

janey Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, that's exactly the sort of news I was hoping for, I have two children already and the pregnancies were problem free. I think that's why it hit me so hard, it was the furthest thing from our minds.

Congratulations to you!! I bet you can't wait to get your hands on him/her. I hope you don't mind me asking but how long after your tragic experience did you wait before ttc? I've been off work for a couple of days now but as I'm a teacher I get half term off too (small mercies)

Did you seek any counselling? Sorry for the interrogation, I'm a bit of a knowledge is power person

Congrats again

fod27 · 15/02/2013 09:55

Blackholesandrevelations thank you x

Mummytothearkbuilder · 15/02/2013 10:03

I went for my scan and it hasn't all come away - they want to wait a week to see if I miscarry naturally if not I have to go back for an op to remove it.

It had grown since my last scan - last monday there was just a sac, yolk and blood supply and today we could see that it turned into a fetal pole but there was no heartbeat I feel oddly proud that it gave itself a good shot - I feel like it fought hard (that sounds ridiculous doesn't it) she said that they would diagnose a missed miscarriage but as its better recovery wise to miscarrying completely naturally she wants me to wait - feels like its dragging on forever and I know the worst is still to come

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fod27 · 15/02/2013 10:46

mummy I'm in exactly the same position, it's frightening! They advised me to do the same but I'm afraid of what it entails. I've been told all kinds but physiologically it's really hard too, my body still feels pregnant, I still have morning sickness and I keep stroking my bump....and then I remember part of me wants it to be over (for closure) I suppose but the other part doesn't want to let go

Mummytothearkbuilder · 15/02/2013 11:04

So sorry to hear that fod - the dragged out process feels awful and I an so scared of what is to come. I don't know wether to into work on Tuesday (I work Tuesday - Thursday) - I would hate for it to start at work!

I thought today we would have a plan in terms of medical intervention and after the pain I had this week I thought it had all passed. I asked the lady of there was any chance we would come back and see a heartbeat and she said no - it measured 6.1mm - so small but it meant so much xxx

OP posts:

fod27 · 15/02/2013 11:43

I feel the same way, I've read a few threads where parents to be have requested a second look and there was a heartbeat, it's an awful thing to go through... One minute your excited and looking towards the future thinking of all the lovely things to buy for your lovely new baby and the next your ushered into a room whilst your world crumbles around you

I've been told its like labour pains and there's lots of blood xxx I really feel your pain, think it helps to just talk to someone who understands what your going through

Mummytothearkbuilder · 15/02/2013 12:03

It does help and the support on here is unbelievable - I wouldn't have got through the last week if it wasn't for these ladies xx

The lady I saw this morning said it was like a tap turning on (bleeding wise) and to make sure I had someone with me in case the pain gets too much the advice and support from my local EPU has been great which has been reassuring.

The lady seemed certain the baby had died - it measured 6.1mm and she said that would normally see a heartbeat at that size - it looked like a little jelly bean on the screen.

I just want it all over so we can move forward and start feeling normal (ish) again xx

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fod27 · 15/02/2013 12:23

Yeah I must admit everyone has been lovely, I've never used one of these sites before but after searching the Internet for answers-which we obviously never got- I came across this, I have bouts of normality then I feel awash with guilt its all soo strange and painful.

We've made the decision to try again once we are over this, I think we need to know that it wasn't all for nothing and I think it helps us to have a focus.

My heart goes out to you it really does, I hope we both get through this xxxx

Mummytothearkbuilder · 15/02/2013 12:39

We are the same - once I'm over all the physical aspects of it and we feel emotionally ready we are trying again. I feel like it will give me something to focus on - I would love to be pregnant when my due date approaches but won't put any pressure on us - I have irregular cycles so I hope it won't take us too long. I'm not trying to replace this pregnancy but think it will help with closure.

We will get through this - keep posting anytime you need to chat xxx

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fod27 · 15/02/2013 12:46

Definitely, it's not a replacement...I know exactly what you mean, everywhere I look now there are pregnant women or nappy adverts....just seems to make it harder. I did do some research and apparently you are more fertile upto 6months after a mc....so I'll cross my fingers for us both

Sending baby dust your way when your ready xxxx

Mummytothearkbuilder · 15/02/2013 16:17

Oh my god - I think I have just passed it - literally just sat on the toilet and a golf ball sized clot just fell out of me - was not expecting that

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fod27 · 15/02/2013 17:20

Omg!! That's scary! Hope your ok? Do you have someone with you? Xxx

Katnisscupcake · 15/02/2013 17:53

Fod and mummy, I hope you are both ok. You will both get through this and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It just isn't very bright yet, you will see it soon.

I have to believe this because af has just arrived for me again and I've been ttc since my mc last July with no joy. Bear in mind that we haven't tried every month so don't think that it won't happen quickly for you. After my first mc we tried again straight away. Didn't work the first month but did the month after and our nearly 4 year old was the result.

I'm thinking of you both. Xxx

BlackholesAndRevelations · 15/02/2013 19:09

Fod- snap, teacher with two children already too. I hope you enjoy your two this half term xx

Mummy- sounds like it. More hugs xx

forgossake · 15/02/2013 19:28

Mummy I am so sorry you are having to go through this.
I rarely post, usually lurk, but I just need to tell you that I wish I could give you a huge hug.
There are always people here for you to talk to and offload on.
Thinking of you x

Mummytothearkbuilder · 15/02/2013 21:22

Thank you ladies - it has been an intense and very painful few hours where I have literally been in the bathroom the whole time. I am shocked at it - the size of the clots and the shear pain - I haven't experienced pain like it since having my DS. It all seems very surreal and happened so suddenly - it just came out of nowhere. I was at my in-laws and getting ready to go home and I just went to the loo and out came this golf ball clot so I had to stay there while it happened. I had hoped that I would be at home when it happened but it was actually okay as my in-laws are very sweet and looked after DS while DH looked after me (I dragged him to the bathroom with me!). I am still bleeding and getting some pain but I definitely think I am over the initial worst bit.

Thank you for all your support - I hadn't posted on here before this pregnancy and have to say you guys are amazing.

I am going to have a restful few days - I have honestly never looked so pale and ill in all my life. I am going to see if i can bring my scan forward (it's due for next Friday) to make sure it's a complete miscarriage but after this evening can't imagine there is much left in there - I am scared of the op or medication?

Does anyone know how long I should bleed for? Xxx

OP posts:

fod27 · 16/02/2013 00:17

Blackholesandrevelations thanks I'm trying just emotionally drained atm, hope to get over it all soon tho as I want some kind of normality back in my life (hope that doesn't sound awful)

mummy my heart goes out to you, I'm feeling pretty scared now after reading your experience, I'm just glad that someone was with you

forgossake this is the first time I've been on here I just felt like I needed to speak to someone that's going through the same thing

Kat I'm really glad to hear that you successfully went onto conceive your four year old after mc that really gives me hope

Flip

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