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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

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Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Please help - I feel lost x

191 replies

Mummytothearkbuilder · 03/02/2013 11:32

I posted on here last week as I had been anxious since I got my BFP and had some lovely reassuring responses.

My HCG level had been re-tested last week and come back all good so was looking forward to my early scan that I had booked hoping to see the heartbeat for full reassurance.

We went yesterday and after an abdominal and internal scan the guy said he couldn't see a heartbeat - just a sac and foetus with no heartbeat - we were devastated and spoke to our local maternity unit who said we go to A&E and they will re-do bloods however they came back increased (from 17866 on 30th Jan to 20202) so we were given a small glimmer of hope.

Just been for a wee and have some brown discharge so I guess the sonographer was right. I am so sad I don't know how I should act or what to do - I am scared of what is to come and passing the baby (because that's what it is to me - I can't rationalise it as some cells that didn't form properly).

I desperately wanted another baby and a sibling for my little boy - he is 4 in April and I was already worried about a big age gap.

Please help me xxx

OP posts:

Report

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 12/02/2013 20:08

You sound exactly like me a fortnight ago Mummy. Please take time of work, I just hid for days. There is no way i could have worked. My one other piece of advice is to tell your nearest and dearest. My family and closest friends have really helped me through this. The ones who I feel most comfortable with have held my hand whilst I've cried, and the others have rallied round, got me moving and got me to socialise, and not put a brave face on, but just try a little harder to smile and talk.
Mr doctor told me to keep the pg quiet until 12 weeks, but telling people made it more real for me, and the support I have had has been phenomenal.

Mummytothearkbuilder · 12/02/2013 21:00

Thank you ladies - your help and advice means so much to me - its so sad that so many of us go through this.

My parents and in-laws have been really supportive and my close friends are amazing too - I feel very lucky to have them. I have had to tell my Line Manager and there is no pressure to come back on Thursday (I work Tuesday - Thursday) which is good. I thought going back tomorrow would help me distract from the situation but I think now I understand that I can't distract from it forever and have to accept things before I can move forward (hope that doesn't sound too corny). I don't think I could have put in a front for the whole day without it cracking at some point!

Thank you again - you guys are really helping me through this xxx

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ImpatientOne · 12/02/2013 22:27

Glad you've got some good RL support and that the pressure's off with work for a bit. Put yourself first for now x

Katnisscupcake · 13/02/2013 09:42

Just checking in Mummy to see how you're doing.

With my last MC in July last year, it took some time for it all to be over. Had to have bloods taken about 7 times all in all over 2 weeks because the HCG would rise slightly, then fall again. They think mine might have been ectopic so that brings a whole new world of worry to next time, what we put ourselves through hey? But strangely I was relieved when it was all over because I could then think about moving on and trying again.

I took 2 weeks off of work, but I think because it took so long... Take as much time as you need.

There's plenty of online and RL support when you want it hun. Be good to yourself. x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 13/02/2013 10:52

Thinking of you Mummy. Holding your hand in my head and praying things go well for you. X

Mummytothearkbuilder · 13/02/2013 12:09

Thanks ladies, think it is all starting now - bright red blood and cramps all the time - I am scared about what is to come I don't want to see anything that looks remotely like a sac / yolk - does that make me awful - I just don't look and flush the chain

Think it's going to be a long day x

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Mummytothearkbuilder · 13/02/2013 15:18

The clots are appearing now - this is horrible x

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janey1234 · 13/02/2013 15:25

Hi Mummy

You poor, poor thing. I'm so sorry this is happening to you now

Very much thinking of you and holding your hand as you go through it.

IME I don't think you will notice anything you don't want to see without looking very carefully; at 12 weeks I just refused to look at anything, just couldn't face it, and managed to not accidentally see anything I didn't want to. I too just didn't look and flushed the chain.

It definitely doesn't make you awful, at all. It's a coping mechanism, and you have to do what you need to in order to get through this awful experience.

Here if you need to chat

Mummytothearkbuilder · 13/02/2013 19:36

Thank you Janey - I am scared about how much worse its going to get. The clots are coming all the time now.

I'm on my own tomorrow and then Friday is the scan - I know that the scan will just confirm the loss which will be sad to hear but at least after that I will have a plan and me and DH can start moving forward.

Thank you again for all your support - I can't even explain to you guys how much you have helped me. I know I am probably repeating myself constantly but posting on here is helping me so much xxx

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SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 13/02/2013 19:46

Thinking about you Mummy. x

BlackholesAndRevelations · 13/02/2013 20:10

I found the clots and cramps coming thick and fast led to the sac passing, and then after that the pain was gone. I hope you're not suffering too much pain for too long xx

Flipper924 · 13/02/2013 22:04

Hope you're doing ok and are past the worst of it now. x

Mummytothearkbuilder · 14/02/2013 10:09

Oh my days I think the pain peaked last night (hoping it did anyway!) I have planted myself on the sofa for the day with a hot water bottle and paracetamol.

I guessing the that EPU will still scan me tomorrow to make sure everything has passed (if that makes sense). X

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janey1234 · 14/02/2013 10:49

It's surprisingly painful isn't it. Along with the emotion, is a horrible horrible experience

Def take it easy on the sofa all day, and for the next few days. I found it a lot more draining physically than I expected, actually...

Take care you x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 14/02/2013 11:24

Yes. Look after yourself and take it easy. X

Mummytothearkbuilder · 14/02/2013 17:03

The pain has started again now and the bleeding is heavy - how long will the bleeding go on for? X

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janey1234 · 14/02/2013 17:16

Mine was about 24 hours of proper pain and ridiculously heavy bleeding, and then another 48 hours of normal period pain and heavy period type bleeding, then it lasted for about another 6 days after that.

But I was 12 weeks gone so maybe it won't drag on quite so much for you? Really hope it doesn't...

Mummytothearkbuilder · 14/02/2013 17:38

Thanks Janey - I just want it to stop - at the moment it's a constant reminder of the loss. I hope it has all come away naturally and there is no medical intervention needed - I want it over ASAP x

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Katnisscupcake · 14/02/2013 18:19

Hi hun,

As much as the heavy bleeding is awful, it means that it will be over quickly for you. I was only 5 weeks with my mc last year and it took nearly 3 weeks from beginning to end because i just had light bleeding the whole time which was awful. I know it sounds horrid but i just wanted it to be over so i could try again...

Hang in there hun. Dose yourself up and eat some of your favourite food. How is your dh coping with the emotions of it?

Xx

Mummytothearkbuilder · 14/02/2013 18:28

I think he is okay - he is being great round the house and looking after DS. He isn't the best at talking about his feelings but I have told him its important that he talks about his feelings to me or anyone else - I don't want him to bottle it up. He is coming to the scan tomorrow and think that will make it all seem more real and final (ish).

He has said that he wants to try again but said whenever I am ready - I don't know if this makes me awful but I want to start trying as soon as we can - it's not that I want to replace this pregnancy with another and forget this one existed but I think it will just help get closure - does that make sense at all? Xx

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SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 14/02/2013 19:46

Nothing you think will make you sound awful! I'm the same. Had a total meltdown trying to build up courage to broach the subject of trying again. DP came up trumps again. We're at our most fertile after a MC apparently. Just go for it. X

Mummytothearkbuilder · 14/02/2013 19:54

Thanks Saggy - the thought of trying again is helping me through the worst moments - I won't ever forget this pregnancy and as the due date approaches I know it will be on my mind constantly - although my son is starting school around what would have been my due date so that will keep me occupied!! I am going to speak to the drs about trying again but everywhere I have read suggests that there is no reason not to try straight away - it gives me something to focus on and I always need that (I am such a control freak!!) xx

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SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 14/02/2013 19:58

My doctor told me to just get on with it!
Last one on the Antenatal bus is a rotten egg!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 14/02/2013 20:45

We tried again straight away and fell pregnant again straightaway and then I lost it. So not meaning to bring doom but if I was ever to be in this position again I'd definitely wait until next cycle. Sorry

As it happens I can't bring myself to want to try again (not for a long time) but everyone's different and there are plenty of success stories out there. Hugs to you, hope you're ok x

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 14/02/2013 20:51

I've read that there is no statistical evidence to show that falling pg straight away leads to an increased risk of mc.

Flip

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