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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

Is it meant to be this hard?

72 replies

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 01/02/2013 21:07

It was confirmed yesterday that I was miscarrying at 7 weeks. I was totally inconsolable. The doctor looked at me like I was mental! I'm a little calmer today, but it just keeps hitting me again, like a blow to the guts. My friend was being lovely, and offered a girly night and a bottle of cherry brandy. The fact that I can drink it now hit me WHAM!
I feel like a total fraud, I was 7 weeks, it was a cluster of cells pretty much, my poor sister lost her dd at 38 weeks! But I just can't get my head round this. I've been lurking in cyber space all day, pretending, but even Mumsnet isn't a safe place to hide anymore! I really need to pull myself together don't I?!

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 04/02/2013 22:51

Saggy, so sorry you are going through this.

IME (I had 4 MMCs) it is not so much the loss of a tiny pregnancy I mournded, but the loss of the potential child. It's the looking ahead I always did whenever the POAS had been positive, that then came back to bite me hard when it all went pearshaped. Again.

Be very kind to yourself. You are in mourning even if there is no funeral etc. It will take time to heal.

I hope you and your DP can sort things out - many a lost unplanned pregnancy has led to TTC at some point in the future.

I hope you are physically recovering. Much love x.

PacificDogwood · 04/02/2013 22:51

OMG mourned, so sorry

KateUnrulyBush · 05/02/2013 04:39

Oh Saggy :( So sorry. I had two mc's between ds1 and ds2, about 18 months ago. I took the first one particularly hard and kept on reading the ante-natal thread I had fallen off (don't do that, it does not help!) as I just couldn't believe it had happened.

Just one day at a time, it is very hard but it does get easier to accept. It's amazing how many plans you, even subconsciously, start making as soon as that line appears on the stick, and letting those plans go does take time.

Be gentle with yourself, you will get there xx

HoleyGhost · 05/02/2013 13:28

So sorry Saggy. I also would have been on the same thread.

delilahbelle · 05/02/2013 13:59

I know how you feel. Even though I have only got as far as chemical pregnancies, it's the hope and planning for the future you are mourning, your child that could have been.

It's a horrible sucky experience.

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 05/02/2013 14:22

It absolutely sucks. I feel shite today. Mum came round and helped me clean up and I had to stop. I'm exhausted, drained and miserable.
I just want to sleep.

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 05/02/2013 20:49

Go and sleep. Sleep is a blessed escape and what your body and mind demand - just go with it.

Your grief and sense of loss will wax and wane, but over time you will feel the loss less acutely, honest.

{hugs}

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 05/02/2013 21:26

You're all so sweet. Thank you.
On a positive note, I saw MIL earlier. She's a cantankerous old bag usually, and I was expecting sarcasm, "thank god you lost it" type comments, and she was absolutely lovely. This baby might not have been meant to be, but it's brought the best out of my entire, annoying, contrary family. Thats got to be a blessing. Smile

OP posts:
jmf294 · 05/02/2013 23:10

Thinking of you Saggy and all of us who have had recent losses.
I keep torturing myself looking at the September thread- cant quite believe I had to leave.
I saw a few minutes of the abortion program on panorama last night and started crying again. I feel worse this week than last and now I have an infection after the ERPC and am on antibiotics that you can't TTC on.
All rubbish!!
Take care and take it easy Saggy xx

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 05/02/2013 23:20

Jmf, hide the thread. Dont torture yourself. Sad
Have a big {{hug}}

OP posts:
jmf294 · 05/02/2013 23:25

Consider yourself hugged back xx

fatasbutter · 06/02/2013 18:03

Hi saggy - was lurking on the Sept Fred too as would have been due on the 19th. Then on the same day you posted about your PUL I was diagnosed with the same. I spent the weekend going in and out of hospital for bloods and scans, as they thought it was ectopic. Now they think its a blighted ovum so am going for a scan on Monday, but have been having cramps and a bit of spotting too.

This is my 2nd mc in a year, and after the first one it took 9 months to get another bfp so I'm fairly peeved it has ended again. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I know just how you feel, although 2nd time easier as instead of thinking 'it won't be me' you always think 'it'll definitely be me!' But it is still incredibly draining, so sympathy/empathy hugs from me too (without the head tilt Wink)

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 06/02/2013 19:21

Hi Fatas, Im so sorry.x I was due on 19th to, so I got an excited reminder on my phone telling me I was 8 weeks today, Sad It really sucks, doesnt it.

OP posts:
fatasbutter · 06/02/2013 22:47

It REALLY sucks. Am fed up with having to wait til Monday for a scan and praying I can have an erpc on the Tuesday! Have taken tues and weds off work in anticipation but no doubt things will not go to plan!! Confused

fatasbutter · 06/02/2013 22:49

And JMF I'm sorry to hear you got an infection after the erpc. I saw your posts in the sept also so {{hugs}} to you too

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 06/02/2013 22:53

I suppose I can say at least mine is over. Sad
Fingers crossed everything goes to plan for you. x

OP posts:
PacificDogwood · 07/02/2013 10:51

So sorry, Saggy Sad. There is nothing anybody can say that makes it 'better'; it does just suck.
Condolences to everybody else on this thread who has suffered losses.

HoleyGhost · 07/02/2013 11:04

Thank you PacificDogwood.

SpanishLady · 08/02/2013 12:08

Hi

another September 2013 thread veteran here.

how is everyone doing today? I hope people are feeling a bit better x

HoleyGhost · 08/02/2013 12:34

Hi SpanishLady - hope you are doing okay. I am reeling and teary today.

SpanishLady · 08/02/2013 14:08

I am so sorry to hear this. I really wish there was something we could do to really help ourselves but there is just this silence - yet from a practical point of view I think planning something or giving up tea/losing weight/being healthy or whatever you think might help are little ways to empower yourself - it has made me feel a little like I am fighting back.

Im also a bit of a beliver in counting blessings when I feel knocked down - but I also dont think it hurts to spend some time feeling sad as well.

god this sucks

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 08/02/2013 19:02

I went back to work today. I was panicking on the way, but once I got there it was ok.
I've just had to break the news to my doctor. She rang to see how I was and offer me a scan if I was still spotting! Sad
I'm feeling ok though. Kind of empty and a little distant, but I have to bounce back, I've got a job and a family. As I said in the beginning, it's the sudden mentions of babies or pregnancy that appear here and there which hit me in the guts! I try and stay positive, but it is hard. {{hugs}} to everyone.

OP posts:
PomBearWithAnOFRS · 08/02/2013 20:15

Hang in there Saggy

Original poster
SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 08/02/2013 20:17

As an aside to Pom, am I keeping the bear? Wink

OP posts:
jmf294 · 09/02/2013 07:27

How are you all doing ladies?
It's sad that there are many of us going through this.
Hope the bleeding settles Saggy- well done for going back to work, it's hard. I was off for 8 days and was so scared about going back.
Had a few sad moments at work with other people talking about babies,

Hope things are ok for you fatasbutter.
My ERPC was really quite a peaceful experience for me- I was frightened about passing everything at home. In hospital I was well looked after and I was fine. Went to sleep and woke up feeling fine, no pain, only very light bleeding. Thought to myself it was my babies final gift to me that all would be ok.

My infection is all gone- I just had severe pelvic pain but the antibiotics have been horrid- diarrhoea and horrid taste in mouth,
I need to sort myself out - comfort eating excessively and not exercising!!
I am off for a run at 8 so better get up.

Hope you all have a peaceful weekend ladies xx