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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

How should I acknowledge friends due date without going over the top?

3 replies

2men1decision · 19/01/2013 08:13

Hi everyone, hope it's ok to post here.
A dear friend of mine lost her baby quite late into the pregnancy and her due date is the end of the month.
We see each other every couple of weeks and on most occasions I ask how she's doing (she told me she likes talking about it so I don't feel I'm 'reminding' her).

As her due date is coming up I've been wondering whether to send her a card or something but I will actually be seeing her a couple of days before. I don't want to take flowers as it feels a bit odd to me (flowers being associated with baby arriving). Do you think it's ok just to say "I've been thinking about you especially this week - how are you feeling?" or should I get her some choccies or something? I don't want to make a big deal of it but I want to acknowledge it and let her know I am thinking of her.

Thanks ladies xx

OP posts:
TaytoCrisp · 19/01/2013 10:24

I think it is very thoughtful of you. I would just send a card or text message saying that you are thinking of her especially around this time. I would avoid asking "how are you feeling" as that is quiet difficult to answer, and she may not want to get into a conversation about it..I would let her lead on that.

Bakingtins · 23/01/2013 14:10

I'd be touched that someone had remembered when the EDD was and made a point of acknowledging it's likely to be difficult. Probably a card is enough. Or maybe plan to do something nice together that week - bit of a treat and an opportunity to talk if she wants to?

RainboxFX · 23/01/2013 14:45

You are obviously a very kind and thoughtful friend.

We have sadly been in a similar position as your friend last year, and the things that meant so much were the people who send cards or even texts saying they were thinking about us and our son.

If you don't mind me asking, has she had her baby cremated or buried? Is there somewhere that she thinks of as "belonging" to the baby? Again a few friends left flowers on our son's grave around his due date. While I so so touched by this, I appreciate it might not be to everyones taste. Maybe something you could ask her about? See if she would like to go to visit them together?

Keep talking to her about her baby and you will not go far wrong. Friends like you are worth 20 times your weight in gold. I would have been utterly lost without the ones I have, so I am sure you mean more to her then she could say.

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