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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

A to feel?

4 replies

whiterose2011 · 18/01/2013 15:23

My niece was born this morning and it has totally knocked me sideways. I lost my baby in September at 9 weeks and although I knew this day was just around the corner, it has hit me much harder than I anticipated. I feel like I have been transported back in time to September when every day was such a struggle. I feel completely and utterly devastated for me and DH but I also know that this beautiful little girl is not the blame for my loss. I saw a pic of her and it really felt like my heart was going to break. How can I possibly see her without falling apart completely? Only my Dad knows about my MC from my side of the family. Please share your experiences as today has just been so hard. Xxx

OP posts:
butterfly86 · 18/01/2013 16:03

Whiterose I'm so sorry it must be such a tough day for you, I have got this day to come in a few months so I can imagine how you must be feeling. I was 6 weeks ahead of my sil and found out our baby had no hb the day after we found out she was pg I was 10 weeks, those first few weeks following were the hardest of my life I was so depressed, I was so angry why was it ok for her and not me especially as it had happened before and has again since. I couldnt bear to be around her I would go as far as to say I actually hated her as terrible as that sounds and I know when the baby arrives it will stir up all them feelings again. I know it's not the baby's fault but it's incredibly hard I don't think I'll have the same bond as I did with their first baby I haven't been involved in anything this time and have tried to pretend it isn't happening. It is totally normal for us to feel this way I'm sure. I felt like maybe once the baby is here I might be able to move on a bit because that period when I should have been pregnant will have passed but I'm just kidding myself, instead there will be a screaming cute little baby to remind me....forever! It's good to chat to others on here it get things off your chest that you can't say to anyone else. Have yourself a good cry and be kind to yourself, sending you big hugs xx

NigellaTufnel · 18/01/2013 16:09

I think it will be easier once you meet your niece.

It will still be hard, but you will not 'want' that baby, you'll want your own, and it will help to separate your feelings into feeling sad and angry about your loss, and feeling envious of her. But I really do think it may help.

The new mother won't really notice if you are a bit strained about it all. Take care of yourself, and look forward to the day you can give your niece a cousin.

And remember, you're not the only one wh has had to do this, it sucks, but you are not alone.

amazingmumof6 · 18/01/2013 16:12

if ever there were mixed emotions!

so sorry for your loss and congrats on niece - not sure what to say

we have a version of this situation other way round, after our Isaac was born a friend down the road had a baby Isaac, who suddenly died, only 3 months old (when ours was 10 months old).
I felt so weird, coz we had the same name - and every time our boy has a birthday I always feel sad and think theirs won't....

really tough - best for now just to send a card and let them know how happy you are for them.
as they will be very busy anyway, you can say that you don't want to be crowding them, would she mind letting you know when she's up for visits.

I'd actually talk to her on the phone and tell her about your MC before you see the new baby, explain to her that you really want to see them and can't wait, but will probably be very emotional and you'd rather she knew this beforehand.

then when it's time to see them ask if it could be just you (so no other family members/friends) because you don't want others to know or feel embarrassed.

if you have a good relationship, she'll be lovely and understanding I'm sure!

MrsJohnDeere · 18/01/2013 17:05

I felt exactly like this when my first niece was born. I avoided SIL for much of the pregnancy and then kept putting off seeing her when she was a newborn.

But, when I actually did see her it was ok. The idea was much worse, and it got built up to be a big deal in my head. You'll probably find you love her just for being who she is.

Perhaps it would help to tell other people in the family?

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