Going through 9th miscarriage

[anotheranonymous]

Hi there
I've never posted anything before but having read quite a few of the posts out there I thought I would try as it seems like there are a lot of supportive people out there and I could do with some support!
I have a little girl who is 4, and for that I am so grateful. But I have always wanted another one, we had one mc before her and I am now on my 8th mc after her.
They are always at the same time, 7/8 weeks. We have seen 3 specialists, had every test and operation done but no one can find any cause as to why this is happening. I have tried everything in the book, conventional and otherwise.
I feel totally heartbroken. I have such a great support system around me which I am so lucky to have but I just feel lost, angry and hurt.
We are starting to have the conversation about not trying again and that feels like a really big thing. Part of me can imagine that I could feel some relief, (no more trying, hoping, disappointment, pain) but to actually take the decision not to try, I'm not sure I can. To know that I will never hold another baby....thinking about clearing out the baby kit just makes me want to cry.
I just wish I'd know that my little one might have been my only one and I would have made the time go more slowly with her.....
Any advice would be so appreciated, I have to get through this somehow and still be a good Mum and wife and friend (to many lovely pregnant friends....) and not fall apart.
Thanks!!

Hand holding for you here. No advice but someone will be along.

I have had one mc since aged 4 at 9 weeks. 9 mcs must be truly awful.

Have you been tested for aps ? I have it and it took me 16 pregnancies but I have finally got my three lovely children.
Did you fall pg with your 4 y o easily or was she fertility treatment .
It took ten years to conceive my last baby dd so don't feel you have to give up - but don't drive yourself crazy trying ..
It's incredibly soul destroying to have so many recurrent mcs I know - but if you've had one dd then surely there's reason to believe that it can happen again ?
I wish I had a magic wand ......

Just wanted to offer a hand to hold. Sorry this has been so shit for you. Glad you've found somewhere you can talk about it.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have only had 1 mc at the same stage as you and can't imagine how bad this is. I have 2 friends who suffered multiple mc - one has just had her third child after 6 bw the 3 babies. I saw the emotional toll this took on her. I really, really hope you find the strength you need to get through this and get the treatment/investigations you need. One of mf friends had the killer cell issue and the other had low progesterone. both had successful pregnancies after multiple miscarriages with steroid treatment from conception. I guess they have investigated all this?

So, so sorry - where are you in the country? I hear the best place for mc research is St Mary's hospital in London - would you wontact them and see if there is anything else you can try?

xxx

I am so sorry, it is awful isn't it. I had two DDs and then 11 MCs and then a DS. I still don't know why.

Agree with others get some tests. Good luck

I just wanted to also offer my support and to say how sorry I am for everything you've been through.

I found your post really hard to read actually as I'm so scared that I will also be in your position at some point. I had a mc then my DD and then 2 more mc last year. Also had tests and nothing found. It is so scary not knowing what's going to happen next and trying to accept there might be no more babies.

Sorry I don't have anything useful to say but just wanted you to know that I know a bit of what you're feeling. I'm amazed at your strength and I'm sure you have made the most of all the time with your DD so please try not to worry about that. But I totally get it - I keep feeling so sad at the thought of DD growing up and worrying I've spent nearly half her life being upset over mc.

Anyway there are lots of amazing people in these boards always here to offer support.