Finding life very hard after misscarriage

[Amzzz]

I had a misscarriage at 8weeks last Thursday 13/12/12 since then I've been bleeding so heavy,( now starting to calm down) I've had the loss confirmed at the hospital and I'm absolutely heart broken. The pregnancy wasn't planned but me and my boyfriend were over the moon once the initial shock had gone. I jus don't feel like doing anything at all, all I'm doing is spending all day every day in bed crying my eyes out, I'm not eating, not sleeping. I really don't know what to do. My bf has been here to support me but every thing he says to me just doesn't make me feel better. And now I'm just so desperate to start trying for a baby again. It's all I can think about. How I've been acting is putting strain on our relationship, please had anyone got some advice or anyone can help me before I end up ruining my relationship?? Please.

Sweetheart, you're not ruining your relationship.

You're coming to terms with a heartbreaking loss. I also had a miscarriage this year and know how tough it is. . It takes time, and even then it won't leave you, you just learn to accommodate it.

You do need to try to eat and keeo up your fluids. Your body's been through a lot. And please be sure the bleeding is calming down. if it gets heavy again, you'll need to go for a scan.

I felt very much like my DH didn't really understand what I was going through, physically or emotionally, when I miscarried. This made me feel very alone, and worried about our relationship. He was caring at first, and tried to say positive things, but didn't understand that I was just really hurting, and needed to just cry and cry.

My mum told me it was just the same between my dad and her when she miscarried years ago.

I'm so sorry you're going through this .

I just feel so alone even tho he is here, espesh it happening so close to Christmas I jus feel like I can't cope with been in any company. All I have been doing is taking the loss out on my bf. and it's not his fault at all. All we have done since it happened is argue. But I'm just so desperate to get pregnant as soon as possible. I just want a baby so much. I'm just emotionless.

I am so sorry, I've been there. It's still very early days and you will be feeling so raw, of course you will be on edge and not wanting to go out and put a brave face on everything.

I agree with WhatALark, it can be difficult for men to understand. She's also right to say that you need to rest up and pamper yourself. Before I had a miscarriage I thought it would just be like a big time of the month, and it really, really isn't.

The bleeding might come and go for a little while yet, I'm afraid. Don't be afraid to go and insist on being seen again if it's alarming you.

What a difficult time of year, too.

I dealt with mine by holing up for a few days under the duvet with some favourite DVDs and comfort food. Hope you can get plenty of nurturing over the Christmas week. Are you expected at lots of events? Have you any supportive family or friends who could arrange for you to have time away instead?

...also, please try to eat. Having a little something every couple of hours, even just toast and juice, will help balance your hormones and even out your emotions a little bit.

Been there, done that and its truly awful, so big hugs.

It will get better, honestly but it may take some time so be kind to yourself and do what you need to.

Thank you for the support. I just really doesn't understand how I'm feeling, all we have seem to have don'e over the past few days is argue, and I simply don't have the energy to carry on like this. I've never been through something as horrible as this. I just want a baby with him so much. I'm just feel lost. Like am not ment to be. If that makes sense?

Amzzz, nothing makes sense at the moment. Remember you are grieving for a life you were expecting to lead and on top of all of it you will have the pregnancy hormones wreaking havoc.

I desperately wanted children, was told it was unlikely but then fell pregnant and miscarried. I am normally social, outgoing and friendly, literally though I shut the curtains, took the phone off the hook and stopped life for a while. It was my only experience of depression and thankfully many of my family have forgiven the harsh words thrown at them in anger and despair.

Life at the moment is dire, as it was for me in 2007. Trust me, though it will get better and you will get your mojo back in time

You lost the promise of a whole life, not just the life growing inside you which people dismiss as a bunch of cells. You saw a relationship changing, a child growing up and doing the things you loved as a kid and learning about the things you like. You saw your family and now that's been ripped away from you. You are entitled to grieve, but you need to look after yourself so that one day, when you're ready, you can try again for a family. I wish you a better 2013, that it brings you more happiness and less stress than this year has brought you. Take care of yourself. x

So sorry to hear you are going through this. How you are describing as feeling is totally normal after miscarriage. It is a horrible thing to happen both physically and emotionally. There are no answers to how you should feel or how long it will take you to feel better. I had a miscarriage on Christmas Eve five years ago and thinking about it now still brings a tear to my eye. But it doesn't rule my life now, at the time I didn't know how I would carry on and shut myself away for a good month. Everyone has given you some good advice, you just need to try and look after yourself, take it day by day, there are no right or wrong answers. You don't suddenly wake up one day and feel better it takes time.

Take care of yourself and I wish you the best of luck for the future.