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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Like I want a photo of your new born child as a Christmas present

12 replies

OnceAdoredYou · 22/12/2012 21:02

People really are thick or they are malicious; why would I want that after losing a child?

My husband has ripped it up and thrown it in the bin. I think it might be one of those Bounty photos anyway

The person who has done this has not had a very good upbringing or education and has children by different men both of whom have criminal convictions so I suppose the lack of sensitivity and consideration might have something to do with the situation she has put herself in (or her character may be the reason why she thought these men suitable to procreate with in the first place).

OP posts:
SomebodySaveMe · 22/12/2012 21:06

Whilst I sympathise with your loss and agree it was a bit tactless I'm not sure blaming someone's upbringing or class is fair.

JustFabulous · 22/12/2012 21:10

Wow, you are really hurting, aren't you?

I am sorry for your loss. I know how much losing a baby hurts but you have been very unkind and unfair about the person who has sent the photo.

FrameyMcFrame · 22/12/2012 21:10

Agree, why does having children with different men have any relevance at all?
I have two children with two different fathers and I'm not nasty.

Sorry to hear you lost your baby.

SavoyCabbage · 22/12/2012 21:17

Was the photo in your card or as a present? I think it's quite common to send a photo of a new baby to people in christmas cards but I would be flummoxed if someone gave me a framed picture of their baby as a gift. Ohhhh, perhaps it was the photo from the frame - like on Friends.

A woman at school gets loads of school photos for presents. I don't get it. I send one to my MIL, that's about it.

I'm sorry you lost a child.

kilmuir · 22/12/2012 21:20

I have had 9 miscarriages and find your post offensive. why tear up the photo? i had to accept that friends, strangers would all have children despite my losses.
people are allowed to enjoy sharing pics of their children, yes it may feel mistimed to you, but doubt they meant to hurt you

Rosduk · 22/12/2012 22:37

I lost my newborn baby boy after 2 hours a month ago. If a good friend gave me a picture of their baby I would find it insensitive but at the same time I wouldn't rip it up. Class has nowt to do with it and I find those comments a bit harsh!

Rosduk · 22/12/2012 22:41

Posted too soon.
Sorry for all our losses. Hope everyone is finding some time to enjoy their loved ones this Christmas.

OnceAdoredYou · 22/12/2012 22:50

I think it is her background that is concerning me as much as the photo if I am honest.

She has been drug dealing for a long time, that is what the first relationship was involved with and have been told that she smoked throughout both pregnancies. I think it's an unfair environment for children to be brought up in. There are many responsibilities to being a mother and involving them with crime and the world surrounding it is a bit depressing and disconcerting for a child.

We sent a bouquet of flowers for the birth and I have always bought many presents for her children. We sometimes receive a text saying thanks for them, so I suppose I should be thankful that we even receive that.
We have been told by her sister that she spends her days delivering drugs rather than doing some sort of paid work to support her children. It's up to her but I am realising that if I do ever have children then I would not like them to be drawn into that world.

I do have a photograph of a dear friend's newborn and I don't feel any resentment about that whatsoever but she has been incredibly supportive and doesn't say insenstive things that hurt me. I probably am just tired and stressed, it's been a crappy year.

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Nuttyprofessor · 22/12/2012 22:57

I know how that feel. My longed for baby was still born and my neighbour who smokes, drinks and takes speed during her pregnancy has a healthy baby. I am glad her baby is ok but it is very unfair.

Rosduk · 22/12/2012 23:01

It is unfair- I feel that too :(

kilmuir · 22/12/2012 23:29

ohh onceadoredyou it is shit. life can seem so unfair.
i know when i was waiting for a scan , I knew baby had died, i passed some very heavily pregnant ladies smoking. i was so angry. but that would not change anything. I hope their babies were born healthy.
Hope 2013 is a better year for you

OnceAdoredYou · 23/12/2012 02:16

I'm very sorry for others' losses on here.

I hope that the mothers who smoke are fully aware of the damage that they could do to their children. I have seen children with breathing difficulties and weaknesses later on in life. They didn't ask to be born to mothers who do this or those that drug deal.

We always give generously to the children. It isn't their fault. It's a pity her children have never been taken to a museum and the boy's reading ability is way behind what it should be but I cannot get pulled into that situation.

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