Trying again after Erpc

[Writemove]

I had a ERPC on Wednesday. I should've been 9+6 but two scans, a week apart, showed I was only measuring six weeks.

The ERPC was easier than I thought it would be. I'm grieving and giving myself Time to heal. Emotionally it's harder than I thought it would be.

Still, I've been reading every site I can about trying again. I want to start soon but my doctor said to wait until AF.

I know that's for dating purposes but I've been reading stories of women who started trying immediately but went on to have had two mc in a row and blame not waiting. What should I do?

[MrsJohnDeere]

How old are you? I was told that age was a factor. My consultant put my chances of a miscarriage if I conceived again immediately at 70%, but I am 40.

How would you come emotionally if you had to go through the same again so soon? There could be advantages in giving yourself a chance to heal first, physically and emotionally. Part of the issue is also a practical one, isn't it. It is hard to date the pregnancy accurately if you haven't had a period.

So sorry that you are going through this.

[shushpenfold]

If it's any consolation my AF arrived about 10 days later....it's not long and you then know that you can start again without worrying about miscarriage yet again. Good luck x

[Writemove]

Thank you for replying and for your kind words. I'm 30.

I know getting pregnant again will be so much harder now I know it could happen again.

How did you react when your consultant said 70%? How did they know?

With me, everything was in the right place, it just didn't develop.

I just want a crystal ball to know what the future holds.

[Writemove]

Thank you shushpenfold. They said up to six weeks - a whole new year away. I didn't think of it arriving sooner.

I suppose I'm impatient but I feel I lost two weeks carrying a dead baby around without even knowing and then nine days between scans, two days for the ERPC and another week of feeling fragile and rubbish. I hate to feel so much time slipping away.

[MrsJohnDeere]

I think his 70%figure was based on patients he personally has seen of my age, similar medical history etc.

Tbh it wasn't a huge deal for me because I wasn't planning to get pg again (this was a very unexpected pregnancy, and I am very fortunate to already have two Dcs).

At time time he recommended that I didn't have sex until 6 weeks post ERPC. The tissue analysis has now revealed a huge anomaly and I've been told I mustn't get pregnant for at least 6 months, ideally a year, so that this can be monitored.

[Writemove]

MrsJohnDeere I'm sorry to hear that. It must be so difficult. Thank you for making me feel less alone.

[shushpenfold]

Poor you....I remember the feeling well....I found out at the 12 week scan that the baby had died at 7 weeks but with no symptoms. I miscarried at 29, waited for AF, and then took 4 months to get pg again anyway. I also mc again at 31 and 35....in between though I had 3 dcs....now 12, 10 and almost 8 It's natural to feel just as if you want to be pg again instantly, but your body will have it's own opinion anyway....try not to get too stressed. x

[nananaps]

Hi,
I always started to try as soon as the bleeding stopped.

This time,(the very last time) i didnt even have a period following mc, and got a pfp.

People told me crap like "you are far more fertile after mc" i beg to differ as it took me between 6-24 months to concieve again after each mc.

Good luck and start to try as soon as you feel ready. No one can tell you for sure when is the best time, becuase really, no one knows.

[Writemove]

Shushpenfold, sorry to hear about your experiences. Congratulations on your dcs. It gives me hope. I know I have to be patient but that's not easy.

I got pregnant the first month of trying, maybe it was too soon. I keep wondering what I did wrong.

[nananaps]

Seriously you did nothing wrong.
Its the only thing that has kept me sane through years and years of loss and infertility is that i did nothing wrong to cause it all.

It happened because it happened, simple as that.

Its very important that you dont allow blame to come into the equasion. Its pointless and just not true.

[Writemove]

Nananaps, thank you. I will try and listen to my body and see when I feel ready. It 's hard because I've lurked on mumsnet for a long time and never thought this would be a board that I'd join.

I can't believe how naive I was and how hard it is to have a baby. Just need to steer clear of the 'due in June' thread. Everything is making me cry today. I keep imagining what should have been.