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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

How to stop a downwards spiral of emotions.....?

7 replies

whiterose2011 · 02/10/2012 10:29

I thought I was coping pretty well with my mc but feel like I have been knocked sideways by a bus this morning - found out last night that the wife of a colleague of my dh is pg with their first baby (we know them socially, went to each others weddings etc). I'm obviously pleased for them but just feel totally devastated for us that we lost our baby. We should have been sharing our good news around now. I'm really scared that I'm not going to be able to keep a handle on things. I've been on the verge of tears all morning and feel awful. How can you stop a downward spiral? I've never suffered from depression before but the way I feel today, I could easily climb into bed and hide under the covers for weeks. I'm also finding myself thinking the worst about possible future pregnancies and assuming that I'll never be a mum. How do you get through this awful period in your life? Sad

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purple84 · 02/10/2012 12:13

Hi Whiterose, sorry for your loss.
I know how u feel and unfortunately if u have an experience like me suddenly everyone will be announcing their pregnancies, and u will be happy yet upset at every single one of them.
I don't know how to get over this yet as I am still at this point after 4 mc and the next stage is the birth of these pregnancies as that will hit hard too, especially as u have to go out and buy presents for those beautiful babies that aren't urs and its heartbreaking.
But please keep positive, your next one maybe totally fine, with hopefully no problems. Even though I know this is very hard to do.
I do try to think that when I see babies and pregnant women, I don't know the struggles they have been through to get to that stage, maybe they are just me a few months/years down the line and that can help a bit but nothing will make the pain go away (not that I have found if u do please tell me)
Good luck for the future x

whiterose2011 · 02/10/2012 13:22

Hi purple

I'm so sorry to hear about your mc's. I really don't know how I would cope with multiple mc's. This has been such a hard period to work through and it seems every time I turn on fb, there is another announcement about a pregnancy. I've stopped checking it now. Sad

I've wondered about getting some counselling. I'm not sure if or how this will help but I don't want to lumber my dh with all my moans and groans. It can't be much fun for him to listen to me saying the same stuff all the time. My employer offers an EAP so I could access it through there.

Just want to feel normal and happy again. Life sucks at the moment.

Good luck to you too and thanks for replying. Xxx

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purple84 · 02/10/2012 15:19

I know how u feel I have deactivated my fb now as it was just too much to bare.
I think if u have access to counselling that is a great idea, i'm sure ur dh is not fed up and probably glad that u are talking to him about it but sometimes it is nice to get that outside view and let's face it, it won't make anything worse even if it doesn't help!
I'm so sorry u are going thru this tough period, I don't think it ever goes away but it does get a little easier.
This website was a big help for me and I hope it can help u a little too.

butterfly86 · 02/10/2012 15:30

Hi whiterose so sorry for your loss :-( i had my second mc 3 weeks ago and felt like you do now i remember thinking im actually going to crack up this time i was just totally numb and staring in to space most of thr time and i didnt eat for the first week. It is very easy to let those emotions get a real hold on you so if you think speaking to a councillor will help then do it, but it's surprising given time how strong you actually are im still feeling all those things right now but don't feel like i want o jump off a cliff anymore. I think all the time what if i never have a baby what would i do? But i saw a very nice consultant last week who aswered all our questions and its really taken a weight off my mind. Good luck for the future and try to stay positive big hugs x

whiterose2011 · 03/10/2012 08:27

Thanks for all your support ladies. I feel slightly better today after having a really good cry at the end of a very long day yesterday. I also asked my dh to read the chapter on pregnancy loss in our baby book as I don't think he could appreciate quite why my reaction to our friends pregnancy accouncement was so severe. When I said I felt like I had been hit by a bus, I wasn't exaggerating! My whole body hurt last night and my head was just thumping. I called the EAP and have an appointment with a counsellor who specialises in pregnancy loss tomorrow lunchtim so I hope she can help me deal with this and stop me thinking the worst case scenario for any future pregnancies, if I am lucky enough to have one. Fingers crossed for us all and thanks for your kind words. It has really helped. Thanks

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Northey · 03/10/2012 08:35

whiterose, I feel so much for you, and am in the same position. I had my second ectopic 6 weeks ago (I have no children and have been trying for years) and am actually giving in and going to my GP this morning to talk about anxiety and grief and stress and awful twitchy rage-filled weirdness. I am really worried about it and have no idea what I will say or whether it will be wasting the doctor's time, and normally would man up and knuckle down and get on with things, but this time I just feel like I want to at least see if the doctor can help. I think you've done the right thing in calling the EAP and really hope it goes well.

I really empathise with the hit-by-a-bus thing. It is actually a physical shock, isn't it? You almost feel you have been hit in the chest and moved several feet.

whiterose2011 · 04/10/2012 13:30

Hi ladies. Just thought I'd update you in case it was of use to anyone else. I had my first appointment today with the counsellor through our EAP and it was so good to have someone to talk to about it. The first thing she said when I explained that it had taken a month to confirm whether the pregnancy was viable was that it was f*ing s*t. She apologised for swearing but said there was no need to beat around the bush. Strangely this made me feel better and that I could relate to her (I didn't want lots of tea and sympathy or theoretical crap). Because the fact is this is totally s*t.

She said what I am experiencing is completely normal, that my emotions will go up and down and that I just need to let my body and my mind deal with it in it's own way. She also explained how men and women deal with it differently which was interesting as my dh has not expressed many emotions externally since this has happened but she made me realise that this doesn't mean he isn't hurting/doesn't care etc.

I know that counselling isn't for everyone but I'm pleased that I decided to go and would recommend it to others if they are contemplating it. I know I'm going to have bad days but I really hope that this will help me move forward positively from here. Keeping my fingers crossed for us all to have good news to share in the future. Smile

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