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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Original poster

miscarriage on thursday

16 replies

nadinetd · 20/03/2006 10:51

hi i have suffered from a mmissed miscarriage so when i went for scan they said baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks, had d and c on thursday and bleeding was very light, today its started again after having none for 3 days its like a heavy period, would i have a period this soon?
how long should i wait to try again? this wa smy first pregnancy and me and hubby were so happy? why did this happen to us? has anyone else ever had a missed miscarriage and gone on to have healthy baby?
please help xxx

OP posts:
cori · 20/03/2006 10:57

Sorry to hear about your loss nadinetd. You will find many of us on here who have experienced missed miscarriages who have gone to have healthy babies. You will probably never have a satisfactory answer as to why you miscarried but it is very common. I think around 20% of pregnancies miscarry.
I had an early miscarriage in my first pregnancy, at around 6-8 weeks. I then went onto have a healthy pregnancy with my DS who is now 4. I had a 2nd miscarriage at 16 weeks with my third pregnancy Sad but am now almost 34 weeks pregnant.
I suggest waiting for one normal period to pass before trying again, but that is not strictly nesscary.

lucy5 · 20/03/2006 10:58

So sorry! Sad

Original poster
nadinetd · 20/03/2006 10:59

thanks cori, thanks so much, its good to know that im not alone, the doctor made it sound really rare but the more i talk to people i am realsiing its actually sadly quite common.
i hope we go on to have a healthy baby going to try again asap, thanks so much!
good luck with your pregnancy x

OP posts:
cori · 20/03/2006 11:02

I think it is rarer to have a missed miscarriage than the other sort, but doesnt seem that uncommon on here. Good luck next time round.

mootoo · 20/03/2006 13:11

Sorry for your loss nadinetd. I had a missed miscarriage three weeks ago. It is awful - i had never heard of it till i went through it, but reading on here it is quite common, and people do go on to have healthy babies. No-one knows why it happens, and although you understand when people say its for the best, it really doesnt help. Iwas told to expect a period after four to six weeks, so i am not sure about your bleeding - could you phone the hospital? It might help to reassure you.
As for trying again, i was told to wait for my next period, which wil help with the dates, and also help you to recover (emotionally and physically).
Personally i have found the best way of dealing with it is to talk, especially to your dh. My dh was heartbroken about he baby, but is now more worried about me. I am still very up and down, but i try to make sure i explain how i am feeling.
Sorry to ramble! It will get easier.
xxx

CarlyP · 20/03/2006 14:13

sorry for your loss. i have two healthy ds and just had a m/c. it certainly doesnt mean it will happen to you everytime.

good luck ttc.

cx

weewilliewinkie · 20/03/2006 15:08

You poor thing. I had a missed m/c 3 weeks ago as well so I know how you feel. I think the bleeding you had will be your uterus clearning itself out and not a period - I had a light bleed 11 days after my d&c which at the time I thought was my af returning, but now I don't think it was. It's awful not to be in control of your own body, but I'm sure once your af comes back you will feel better, and able to think about ttc again. But don't do anything you don't feel ready for. This is a dreadful loss and you need to grieve. Take your time, and look after yourself.

I agree with mootoo - you must talk to your dh about how you're feeling. After all, it's you who has experienced the physical loss, and you must deal with that as well as your emotional feelings - you're dh has 'only' the emotional side of it to deal with....You will be very sad, but some days you will start to feel a bit better. With me, I am very up and down. I think my dh thought I was well on the road to recovery, but then I had a terrible weekend and had to tell him all over again that I was still so sad. As long as you communicate you'll get through this.

It's only been a little over 3 weeks for me, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm nowhere near reaching that light yet - but I know it's there.

Take care of yourself - and come here to talk; there's always hoards of lovely women who are here to listen. x

harpsichordcarrier · 20/03/2006 15:18

hello nadine
my first pregnancy ended in a missed m/c. It was a very painful and traumatic experience and you should try to be kind to yourself. Do you have family support? Can you take time off work?
I now have two wonderful daughters and there is no reason why you shouldn't go on to have healthy and happy pregnancies too. You can start trying again as soon as you feel you want to, but don't rush until you have properly had time to grieve.
I am very sorry for your loss and that of your husband. Maybe it would help to plant a flower or mark your loss in some way?
sending love
HCxx

Rhian101 · 20/03/2006 17:43

Just wanted to say that I've just had a baby after a missed miscarriage. I'll never forget my other baby though. Let yourself grieve. This poem meant so much to me:

An angel wrote in the book of life
My baby's date of birth;
Then whispered as she closed the book,
"Too beautiful for Earth."

My thoughts are with you xxxxx

wools · 20/03/2006 18:14

Nadine,
I'm so sorry about your missed m/c. It is so sad when this happens especially when you are so excited about having a baby. I have had 2 missed m/cs - I think they're worse in lots of ways in that you are happily thinking you're pregnant but unknown to you the baby has died - it's traumatic knowing you;ve got to go through the bleeding with no live baby at the end and it does take a lot out of you both physically and mentally.

I think your body sounds like it's sorting itself out...after both m/cs it took about 1 month before my periods returned.

I want to give you hope. After my first m/c I went on to have my second healthy ds (now 8 months old). After the 2nd m/c (in December)I had one period and then conceived the next cycle. I am 42 years old and had given up hope of having this baby. You WILL have your baby - try again when you and your dh feel ready but agree with everybody else it's important to grieve your loss. Things will get a little easier each day that passes.
You are in my thoughts.

wools · 20/03/2006 18:16

Rhian,
That poem is so beautiful - I wish I had known it at the time of my m/cs.

Original poster
nadinetd · 21/03/2006 09:40

thanks so much for your support the bleeding has slowed down again now, not sure what my body is doin, my husband family and friends have all been great so im very lucky,
i think i will wait for my period and then try again, im at work today but i cant stop crying!!!!

OP posts:
muma3 · 21/03/2006 09:46

hi , 2 of my friends had missed m/c and are both 29 weeks pregnant now. they both worried too and i really didnt know what to say as i am lucky enough to not have been trhough this. but they are both carring healthy babies and they thought they wouldnt be able to , so it is very likely you will go on to have a beautiful baby too !!

good luck xx

FirstNikki · 21/03/2006 12:48

nadinetd so sorry for your loss. I too can unfortunately relate to your loss having recently had a mc too 3 weeks ago.

Its fine to cry, shout etc its normal and keep telling yourself that its best to let your emotion out rather than keep it inside. I know from experience it really can creep up on you. As long as you be good to yourself and keep talking to your DH family and friends you will come through this very sad time.

With reference to your bleeding if it gets worrying just give your dr or hopsital a call and put your mind at rest. Although your body is probably readjusting.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

mootoo · 22/03/2006 21:52

Rhian101 that poem is perfect - i have been very up and down, that poem made me happy and sad at the same time iyswim. Those words will stay with me forever. Thanks for sharing it with us,and congratulations on your new baby.

Rhian101 · 23/03/2006 13:25

Thank you Mootoo. It's 2 and a half years since my m/c and I still miss her terribly. This poem always makes me shiver and remember how happy she made me for such a short time. I planted a tree for her as somewhere to go and remember.
I got very hung up on having a new baby as a way to grieve: I became so depressed when it turned out that I had fertility problems and wasn't ovulating (not at all connected to the miscarriage). It took me a very long time to realise that I couldn't bring the baby I had lost back. Shortly after this clicked I fell pregnant completely naturally. Give yourself time. xxx

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