At what point do I get really worried?

[messtins]

Am currently miscarrying at 8 weeks. 3 yrs ago I miscarried at 10 weeks and ended up in hospital with my circulation collapsed. The baby/ placenta got stuck in my cervix so I just continued to bleed heavily from placenta site until it was removed. I had spotting and old blood sice Thursday, now had 24 hrs of bright red blood and clots. When I fell asleep for a few hour it soaked a maxi pad and my PJs. I feel physically ok apart from a headache, and emotionally numb.
Can anyone give me a handle on what is normal and what is worrying? Have very bad memories of EPUB, would prefer to ride it out at home if that is sensible. Sorry you all have reason to be on here, it was not a club I was in any hurry to rejoin.

Hi messtins, sorry you are going through this again. I think the advice is to go to A&E if you are soaking through more than one maxi pad an hour. MC for me has always started with days/weeks of brown spotting, followed by a day of heavy red bleeding with clots and cramping, then about a week of med/light red bleeding. Soaking through a pad within a few hours would be 'normal' for me at the height of mc, unless obviously its a massive gush.....

Make sure you drink plenty of fluids and don't get dehydrated. If you are at all worried, get yourself to A&E.

Have you got someone with you?

Thanks for your reply. I contacted the gynae ward and they told me to come in. They removed some clots and the bleeding has settled but I have 'retained products' so sent home with misoprostol. Would much rather have ERPC and know it is over with but wasn't on offer. Bottle of wine and family size bar of choccie tonight, anyone joining me?

I'll hold your hand. I have had 4 miscarriages so quite happy to offer any support I can.

How are you doing? Just wanted to say am thinking of you

Thank you. Feeling pretty crappy this morning, thought the misoprostol wasn't working but have bad cramps now so guess it is. Just want this bit over with.

Hi messtins. Thinking of you today, hope it doesn't drag on too long. Dose yourself up with painkillers and stay in bed is my advice.

Cramps all settled down with nothing much to show for them, have taken the second dose. Does anyone have any experience how long it's likely to take with medical management? Have a scan booked in 10 days time, but am not going to wait that long then have to wait again for ERPC if nothing happens. If nothing by tomorrow/wednesday will be on the phone to them again. I think waiting 2 weeks for it all to be over (the icky bit anyway, I know the bleeding may last some time) is unreasonable, but AIBU?
Have been quite proactive - cancelled booking appt, emailed my manager (wussed out of that conversation) told a couple of IRL friends I can rely on to support me.
Can't decide whether to tell my mum? Would feel a bit dishonest keeping it from her as she phones pretty regularly but don't want to upset her, would not really be relying on her for support because she's very good practically but isn't going to be comfortable with me whinging on about it.
Decided not to tell the world in general. Last time everyone knew because I was in hospital and missed loads of work, and the sympathy was very hard to take. I have a few colleagues due to drop babies in the next week or so, but as a part timer can probably miss the cooing over new babies without too much notice being taken. From last time was ok with new babies anyway, it was triumphant announcements of pregnancies that hurt. Haven't hit the total bitch stage yet anyway, have that joy still to come.
Not sure if it makes it better or worse to have done this before - I know I survived but I also know the next few months were crap.

No experience of medical management; just 4 natural mc and 1 erpc. Hopefully now you've taken the second dose things will start happening.... The waiting is shit, you are not BU.

I've told family and very close friends (two closest) each time as I want them to know that I'm not being anti-social, just can't face going out and talking to people. I also need their support, mc is tough.

I think I've just hit the total bitch stage. Saw a heavily pregnant woman smoking outside sainsburys earlier and gave her the evils . Also felt really pissed off at my sister the other day as she was whinging about her kids . I'm sure this is just a phase....

How are you doing?

Now I remember this bit - this is the bit where you are wide awake at silly o'clock in the morning with your brain going at a million miles an hour whilst every one else is asleep. I've had both doses of misoprostol but although they've caused a lot of painful cramps it hasn't been very productive. Doesn't make any sense that I could lose so much blood the first 24 hours and it's all still in there, then have so much pain after the tablets but so little bleeding. I don't have an appointment now for a scan until next Wednesday, I am going to be so pissed off if they say it's all still there and I then need to wait again for an ERPC. Can't help feeling that doing the low-cost option for the NHS is being put way ahead of what's actually best for me, certainly from a psychological point of view.
Both kids have been super anxious about me disappearing off. We haven't told them about the miscarriage, just said I wasn't well and needed to see the doctor. D keeps asking if I'm ok now and decided this morning he was itchy all over and his head was itching (checked for head lice - nope) M has been waking up yelling so is in our bed with DH and he vomited into his breakfast this morning. T'riffic, just what I need. Have been giving them extra hugs and squeezes from a reassurance point of view and because it makes you realise how doubly lucky I am to have them.
I've been quite practical - phoned the midwife to cancel booking in, emailed manager to tell him what happened as I should have been at work today so had to phone in sick, cancelled swimming. My manager didn't reply - how hard is it just to send an email saying "I'm sorry, hope you're ok"? DH stayed home today and used the opportunity to strip and repaint the front door (top priority in my mind currently - sigh) but is off to Germany tomorrow for a couple of days. He's been practically supportive but has no concept of how emotionally upsetting this all is, and at the moment I'm very calm about it but I know it will hit me like a ton of bricks at some point. It made a big dent in our relationship last time how differently we handled it, I was grieving the loss of a baby and feeling violated by the way it was handled and he was shrugging off a medically unpleasant interlude and the loss of a "ball of cells". There was no common ground.
I've told 2 IRL friends who have both sadly had 2 losses and they've both been great. We can be the 50:50 gang. It's not great odds for trying again is it...

Thanks lemonsherbert and coneyislandbaby for checking up on me! I appreciate your support.

messtins hope the scan next week shows everything is gone. Would not worry about trying again at the moment, but even with 2 miscarriages it is still likely that you will go on to have another normal pregnancy. That is why the NHS does not check till you have 3. Hope things go OK today.

Phoned the ward today to ask them to check my notes and see what was actually seen on the scan. They didn't specifyat the time, presumably hoping not to hurt my feelings, but have passed so little since and not sure if that was it or it's all still there. Surprise surprise, my paper notes have gone walkabout and there is no computer system. Not happy to wait another 8 days for the follow up scan and then find I need to be booked for ERPC so have agreed I can attend EPU on Thursday and they'll scan me and see what is still there, so if I need ERPC they can set wheels in motion this week. they said I may still need to go back the following week but surely if it's gone then it's gone? May never find out the results of the blood tests and swabs but heigh Ho. How the hell do they run things without a computer system???

your husband's idea of a "loss of a ball of cells" might just be the way in which he copes with it, try not to think that he is disrespecting the loss of your baby. I have had 4 mc, one of which was at 22 weeks, and my husband had a very different way of coping than I did. I don't thnk there is any right or wrong. When I mc at 5 weeks, my Mum said it was like having a missed period. It didn't feel like that to me, but I think she was just trying to cope with it in her own way.

Struggling today. My DH is in Germany so no option but to ferry kids about, walk the dog, do the shopping,cook the dinner etc and I'm knackered. have been a bit randomly tearful, which actually feels like a more appropriate response than the numbness of the first few days. Told my mum and my childless BFF who phoned at the weekend and I didn't pick up. turns out she had to have her dog put to sleep the same day I miscarried so now I feel like a shit friend, but at least we could have a cry together. EPU tomorrow, not looking forward to it.

EPU not too bad. Was there queuing outside at the crack of dawn so was first to be seen. Endometrium back within their normal limit and no "products" so am signed off provided I get a negative result on a HPT in a week. Draw a line under the physical bit.
I saw the clinic coordinator who remembered me from last time and was very sympathetic. I feel like I've been given some permission to grieve now.

Hi messtins. Glad you got seen quickly this morning and that you've got the all clear. I've got a scan with my consultant on Monday morning to check I've no products left either. Looking forward to it like a hole in the head. Leaves you feeling so empty doesn't it?

Do you think you'll try again?

messtins glad the scan showed no products and that you are not having to wait for an ERPC. Hope you are doing OK today

I know I'll want to try again - we had been TTC for 12m and I'm nearly 38 so no time to waste if we want a DC3. I was so desperate to be pregnant and as soon as I got a BFP I felt so vulnerable because I knew I was putting myself potentially in this position again, but the only way to take a baby home is to get through this first awful bit. I'm hoping DH feels the same.
Have been back in to work today and nobody there knows. Turns out my manager is away so even the few people (manager and the partners) who knew I was pregnant still think I am, and the rest are completely unaware. It was actually really helpful just to have a day in "work" mode and not think about it too much. Had my daily teary moment before I set off and then have been fine all day.
Coneyislandbaby I hope you get good news on Monday. Jen x

I was really knocked for six by the phone call from the hospital (see "swabs?") yesterday but in some ways feel better for having had a good cry, it feels like a more normal response to what has happened than the numbness of the last week. I went off on my own with the dog this morning for a stomp and then spent the afternoon transforming a corner of the garden. I'm planning for it to be a bit of a memorial area for both babies. After the first miscarriage I thought about it and didn't do it because we were planning a house move, but hopefully we are staying put here for some time. Spent a fortune on plants and have chosen some with significance/symbolism like forget-me-nots, a hazel tree (hazelnuts were given to people facing tough times, and are a symbol of God's care for the little things) and daphne 'eternal fragrance', and some which will be in bloom or fruit at anniversaries and due dates. I'm wondering about getting a pebble engraved with the date of each M/C. I don't want it to be too obviously a memorial, just something that speaks to me. It's partly about the effort involved in hacking and chopping and then the care in planting something beautiful being a tribute.
Made me feel more positive anyway - nicer to be aching from physical effort than from wretched cramps.

"In this vision he showed me a little thing, the size of a hazelnut, and it
was round as a ball. I looked at it with the eye of my understanding and
thought "What may this be?" And it was generally answered thus: "It is all that is
made." I marvelled how it might last, for it seemed it might suddenly have
sunk into nothing because of its littleness. And I was answered in my
understanding: "It lasts and ever shall, because God loves it."

-- Julian of Norwich