after having a mc how did you feel about trying again? and how long did you wait?

[whiteandyelloworchid]

i'm still bleeding from mine, but i think one day i will STILL try again.

i lost my ds in feb he died shortly after he was born due to massive heart abnormailities.

i tihnk my parents woudl prefer if me and dh said thats enough now, just be happy with dd who is five, we love her to bits shes the light and joy of pur lives.
but we still really want another baby.
just one more baby would be great, i won't ask for more than that.
i will be quite happy to pu the whole ttc, pg birth thing to bed as such.
actually envy people with little babies that now feel there family is complete

i just wonder if we are mad to keep on trying
and wonder how others felt?

Hi

I am so sorry for your losses.

I don't now your back story, I have always tried again pretty sharpish after my mcs, but it is a personal thing. Plus the ttc bit was fortunately never a problem, it was the keeping the pg going. Best advice I was given was to try again when you and your OH are ready. Consultant advised waiting 2 months minimum, to make sure everything was clear and to make dating the next pg easier IYSWIM.

I know about the feeling the family is complete thing - I kept on trying to have children until I got dc3 and got home from the hospital. Seeing my brood all sat on the sofa together I gave a big sigh and finally felt the family was all there.

You have my warmest wishes and I hope that you have the time and space to do whatever you need to do as this sounds as though it has been a massive year for you and your family.

xx

Oh and I was scared and excited about ttc - but felt totally driven until I had my family.

Hi there. I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to lose a baby.

I have had 3 mc so far and also have one amazing DD. One mc was before dd and I was desperate to try again afterwards although was forced to wait due to my cycles not returning for 3 months. However I then got pregnant with dd!

I've had 2 mc this year. After the 1st I waited a couple of months as was quite laid back about trying as I'd got pregnant so quickly and was quite apprehensive about having such a close age gap (dd was 18 months & not walking). However after my last mc on dds 2nd birthday I now feel desperate to get pregnant again! I've always wanted 3 dc and now feel worried and know I should feel lucky to just have one. After dd I really felt that I was so grateful to have her I wouldn't be too sad if we couldn't have more. However I just don't feel like that now. I really want another baby and for dd to have a sibling and I don't know where this desperation has come from!! It doesn't help that literally everyone I know is pregnant and I've become a bit obsessed what my would-have-been due dates!

For me I have a bit of a plan of action - progesterone next pregnancy (took with dd but not other pregnancies) then if that doesn't work I'm going to use our savings for a barrage of private tests. I think giving up is a completely personal choice and, while I'm absolutely dreading getting pregnant again, I dont feel like I've exhausted all avenues and so feel like I still have other things to try. Also because I have my dd I have some hope - as you should - that it will happen again.

I guess you have to weigh up what would make you more sad, giving up or potentially having another pregnancy loss. It is such a hard place to be as it a bereavement but instead of moving on you have to put yourself right back there and do it all again.

Sorry for total essay! Your post struck a chord as I'm constantly searching for ways to keep my sanity and to keep going!!

After 11 failed pregnancies from 6 to 26 weeks I had my DS. I never considered giving up. I hated all of it and lived in fear through the whole thing.

DS is now 11.

I had two DDS before any of this so thought I must be able to do it again.

As soon as he was born I got sterilised, no more.

I am sorry for your loss and wish all the luck in the world.

oh thanks for the replies, i guess i'll never feel complete really as now my son is not here, i'll never feel complete.
but i do think i really do want to try again, even thpught the thought makes me feel sick.
when i lost my son that started out as a twin pg but i lost one of the twins around 8 and a half weeks, ddint find out till the 12 week scan though.
but as my son was still going, the other twin, at least we still had a baby on the way
its just freakign me out now worrying as ive basically had two miscarraiges and one neonatal death.
i do have obe healthy and well dd though
just don't think i can bear the thought of giving up, and i don't know how people come to the descion to stop trying.

alos im not sure if i should be pushing for tests.
as the hospital did not want to refer me, as this has all happened over the space of two pregnancies.
they said i have to have three miscarraiages before getting refered

so dont know if i should try to get in touch my my consultant or gp and try and push for testing, although dh is not keen on the testing route and would rather just try again.
but i dont want to phyiscally do through that again if there is a medical problem

I have managed to get a referral for tests, after 2 miscarriages. 1st at 11 weeks 2nd at 16 weeks, had to really push for them because they said same thing only test after 2 but agreed in the end because 2nd trimester loss. we have decided not to try again just really don't went to get pregnant again but going to adopt instead. good luck whatever you decide x

I am so sorry for your losses.

I miscarried in June. The pregnancy was completely unexpected, but by 11 weeks this little being was already part of our family so the loss was devastating.
For a while afterward I wanted to try again. We discussed it, but dh said no more, he didn't want me to go through that again (it was very traumatic and I was vv poorly, had I not been in hospital there's a possibility I wouldn't be here now apparently). I was determined. We didn't argue, just didn't raise the subject again for a few weeks.

In early August we met up with some friends we only see once a year. She (not knowing what had happened) asked if maybe next time they saw us there'd be another baby. I said there should have been, told her what had happened. Dh surprised me by saying that maybe there would, and he wasn't opposed to the idea of a 3rd child.

Anyway, I've thought long and hard since, and I've realised that my initial longing was simply to replace that which was missing inside me. I also realised that I wanted a baby, less so another child in the house if that makes sense? Can't see myself with 3 at all. I don't know if this is some sort of protection mechanism though.

My colleague brought her tiny new dd into work the other day. I held her, and my broodiness, the twang in my ovaries that I've had for so long post ds2 when holding a baby had simply disappeared. I felt pleased for my colleague but not envious at all.

I still mourn for what might have been, but no, we're not going to try again.

thanks for sharing your stories with me, i'm so sorry we ahve all had to go through this.

i'm starting ot feel more and more stronger about trying again.
but i also think i'm nuts and taking significant risks with my health which makes me feel guilty as i have dd age 5 to think about

oh and how should i try and push for tests?
can my gp do tests on me?

AFAIK (am not in UK) your GP can refer you, and should, with your history.
I'm very sorry for what you've been through.
I had mc, dc1, two consecutive mcs, dc2, biggish gap, unexpected pregnancy, mc (June this year).
After the first three mcs, I wanted nothing more than to get straight on and try again - and I proved to be very fortunate in the end. This one is a different matter. I'm having tests because of my history, I grieved a lot more deeply than for the others - probably because I allowed myself the space to and didn't push it away - and in a way, while part of me feels very empty and is pulled towards trying again as soon as the tests reach any kind of conclusion (even if it's none), another part almost feels there's a sort of psychological phantom pregnancy going on with me - that I need to hold off the the duration the pregnancy would have had if it hadn't ended, or near enough. I don't feel ambivalent about having a third child as such - as soon as I was over the shock of getting pregnant I felt very, very happy, and the mc was as if a lovely gift had been snatched away - but the urge to get pregnant again, while not absent, is very different.

I think we will try again, eventually, depending on what the tests bring. Good luck to you and all of us.

So sorry to hear about the sad losses that you have all suffered. Just wanted to post as my MIL also wanted us to give up and be grateful after we had one high risk pregnancy resulting in DD and then one mc. Initially after our loss, I agreed with her. But very quickly I became determined to give DD1 a sibling. My cycles went wobbly and I think I fell pregnant again the first month I ovulated, about 4 months after the mc. We now have my lovely DD2 but I was very poorly after. But even before I was ill, I knew that was it, our family is complete. Good luck to you all and I hope you get the complete families that you yearn.

I'm another one here, TTC after a mmc in June this year - also had a molar pregnancy in August last year. I have DS 3.75, who was born at 29 weeks due to PE - and about a 30% chance of it happening in future pregnancies .

So TTC in my case, flies in the face of logic & rationale. Yet I cannot let go.

I have decided that while I can still get pregnant, we should continue TTC - and just take the miscarriages on the chin.

But there will be a point where I just draw a line & stop putting myself through this. I'm just not ready to do it x

thanks for sahring your experiences with me, it does help to see things from different persecptives
in a weird way i almost, but don't , envy people who know that for whatever reason its not going ot happen, as perhaps you can come to peace with that descion in time
i just feel in this weird limbo where im not really enjoy my life as much as i could, i know i'll never feel truely truely happy ever again after lossing my son, but i think all this is hanging over me.
and i can't see to move on or forward as until i know whats going to happen i'm in limbo