what could the staff improved after your miscarriage

[Yaiyai]

Hello everyone,

I am so sorry for all your losses. I am posting here because I work as a nurse and I am trying to improve the services we offer to ladies in your situation. I had 5 miscarriages in the last 4 years before I had my son and the list of things I would like to see improved is long! ! if anyone is feeling up to to can you take the time to just let me know if there was anything you would have liked? I for example would have liked the blanket they wrapped one of my little ones in to take home with me, and nicer pictures (the ones they took were very medical and cold looking). I also did not want to hear some of the comments I did like... 'when it's your time it will happen!' I know this is a very sensitive subject but who better to implement change than us who have experienced loss. I felt empty each time I was sent home and would have liked a little memory box or something. I understand if you can not reply and I hope you get some peace soon. X x x x x

On the whole I felt we were treated very well but I already knew the EPU nurses as they are also part of the sub-fertility unit we were under, so I think that gives me a slightly different perspective and also I think did have a bit of an impact on the care I had - a bit of special treatment!

I opted for ERPC and like you just felt empty. I would really have liked something, some sort of record. We asked for a scan photo but I have read some hospitals actually offer....not sure what to call it, certificate feels like the wrong word, but a record that we lost our baby.

I don't imagine this is anything you can do anything about, but in the hospital we attended the EPU is in the maternity area. I have to say that walking down the corridor full of heavily pregnant women, having just been told we would lose our baby, was horrific. I was in tears anyway but it made it loads worse and I was practically hysterical by the time we got out.

I'm sure there would be other stuff but they're the two things that stood out for me.

Less waiting. I had a mmc. I know the guidelines are to give 2 scans a week apart to confirm the diagnosis. But bank holidays meant I waited 10 days, then another for the erpc. If they'd booked the erpc at the same time as the 2 nd scan I wouldn't have waited so long for surgery. And if it had been good news they could have cancelled the op, halving the time I knew I was carrying a dead baby. Other than this my care was very good.

I had medical management for mmc. I would have liked more information about what to expect, in particular what "it" would look like and what to do with it.

And it would have been nice if the staff had had access to information about compatibility of the drugs with bfing. Depressingly, I was the first currently bfing mother they'd had on the unit, so they had no idea, and MIMS was unhelpful.

Please find another waiting area, I have had four mc and two ep. My EPU is in maternity unit. Each time sitting waiting amongst happy pregnant ladies, then having to walk back out through them added hugely to my distress.
Bringing in students with out asking to see ectopic twins whilst having internal scan, I felt like a piece of meat and it still haunts me five years later. Not understanding that for me removal of my ectopic babies felt like murder on my side- I could see their heart beats but was going to kill them. Telling me that they would kill me and I was being ridiculous did not help.
Leaving me stood naked and crying at my first ectopic because the bed was broken and you wanted to take me to theatre but you and the male porter couldn't sort the bed and they hadn't got me a gown yet so I just had to stand there with all the curtains open.

A separate waiting area when being scanned to check that I had miscarried. It was very hard waiting with people who were having their scans. With my second m/c I saw a friend who was waiting for her 20 week scan neither of us knew how to behave.

Xpost with button.

If counselling is offered to bereaved parents, there actually being a counselling service would be good.

Briefing the porter who took me down for a d and c afterwards. He told me to 'cheer up love, it might never happen'.

I'm so sorry to hear of all your losses :(

My thoughts just based on my own experiences so it's mostly a bit anecdotal:

Train every member of staff in the hospital that might come in contact with somebody having a loss that "It's for the best". I had this after my chemical a few weeks ago from the lady taking my final beta. Was unamused.

Also to have a separate waiting area for people with losses or potential losses than for those having routine scans. I had a post-D&C infection and needed to be scanned. Spent over an hour waiting in amongst women jumping for joy at finding out the sex.

And definitely some sort of acknowledgement over the loss as a previous poster has said. A certificate and potentially a scan photo could really help with closure.

And a bit more diligence with previous notes. For instance, having a scan at 5 weeks and another at 8 weeks and only a week's growth is shown, does not mean "viable pregnancy" and discharged from the EPU. I tried to argue the point with the nurse practitioner but she insisted my dates must be wrong despite the evidence of my notes. Had to go private to get my D&C as they discharged me. Off their rocker.

I'm also pretty sure my incompetent cervix was caused by a forced dilation without a pessary or anything for my D&Cs. My cervix felt in agony afterwards and I was sure something was damaged. I nearly lost DD2 as a result. I've heard so many people have a pessary beforehand and I have no idea why I never did for either of my two D&Cs or my hysteroscopy.

Having the staff actually read some of the Miscarriage Association's leaflets and actually follow the guidelines. They are the experts.

Having said all that, some staff have been really lovely over the years and if they were all like that, perhaps additional pain wouldn't be caused.

The staff in my hospital were great and they have a separate clinic but you cannot self refer. My mw told.me she would get me a scan the next day but her supervisor told me that was incorrect and i had to wait nearly a week. Then when i had retained products once again i couldn't self refer, had to phone the gp wait for an appointment, walk down there and get the gp to make me an appointment.

No chewing gum. Every scan they were chomping gum. Discussing how to dispose of the retained products - chomping gum. Still distresses me beyond belief.

No saying any of the stuff that a 5 second glance on any miscarriage website will tell you not to say. Basically acknowledge the loss and respect our right to grieve.

Hand out more than one sodding sanitary towel at a time. Had to ask for one every time I went to the loo in hospital and I was there 5 days.

A picture from the scan.

Absolutely no tutting if I bleed down the bed onto the floor and it splashes your shoes. I didn't do it on purpose.

Separation from the pregnant women is a must. Also I had to walk through the delivery unit for my erpc,carrying my bedding like the first night in Shawshank prison. I think just a sign saying "surgical unit" would have made me feel like less of a failure. I also wasn't allowed anyone on the ward with me for the erpc so had to wait on my own, dh was with me on the same ward when I had the medical management a month before.

Some sort of leaflet to explain what's going to happen, or even better someone to calk for advice on a24 hour basis. I miscarried naturally, and had no idea what would happen and how incredibly painful it would be.

Serious pain relief options. It was worse than labour.

In my hospital, they cheerily take the cash off you for scan photos at the reception before you even have your 12 week scan.

I asked the receptionist if I could wait and pay afterwards if the scan (a medical procedure where you can find out your pregnancy and baby are unviable) turned out ok.

She said "oh no you have to pay now if you want scan pics". I said "what if the scan doesn't go well and I don't get a pic", and she replied "oh just come back and I'll refund you!"

Well, guess what, people who have just been devastated by the news that their baby is dead/not going to survive etc are not really in a frame of mind to pop back to the front desk and say "sorry love, scan showed the baby died, so I'll have my £2 back please".

Just silly things like that can really make a big difference.

In an ideal world it would be great to not be within 1000miles of a pregnant woman in the first instance, but I understand it's sometimes not possible. BUT having sonographers who read your notes would be absolutely possible.

So that when you walk in for a scan after a MC to see if all is clear, they DON'T greet you with a hearty "Mrs Shakey! Congratulations! And how far gone do you think you are?..."