had a miscarriage at 7 weeks. Feel so alone and just want to talk to someone

[tasjaSAmuminSA]

Long time since I've been on mumsnet. I have a dd(6) and a ds (2). My DH and I took a while to decide about nr 3. I always wanted 3 children so it wasn't the issue for me. The main factor for my was the finances! We decided to ttc in April. Each month I waited for my period. Mixed feelings, didn't know if I really wanted it or not. always stressing over money. When I found out on the 10th of July that I was expecting nr 3 I was so glad! Very happy but still stressing a bit over money. I started planning the baby room, we had names already for a boy and girl. excited for the first scan on the 24th of July. My friend at work is also pregnant with her first baby and she was so excited that both of us are going through the same at almost the same time. couldn't wait to find out how far apart we were. Went for the scan on Tuesday last week. Got to my gynocologist. Told him I was pregnant again. Told all the things: nausios(spelling?) going to loo a lot, hungry all the time..... So we did the scan and I could see baby but everthing is quiet. he said he want to do an internal scan because sometimes we can't see that good. Did the internal scan and he said: I'm afraid I don't have good news for you, there isn't a heartbeat! devastated! He send us for a second opinion. The same result. The Thursday I went in to theatre for a-don't know what the English name is sorry. Where they take out the sack and clean everything. Evacuation. The sack was a weird shape, not round as usual. I believe there was something wrong and it is nature's and God's way to take it away. I also think that God took baby away because I had such mixed emotions because i didn't know if i really wanted the baby. just to make me realise that I would give up evertything to have another one. Never mind finances and so on. Yesterday morning on tv the was also a message from Angus Buchan about the devil who puts these thoughts in your head about money and so on. you should just give everything to God and He will be there for you. God will take care of you. I thought I would be ok this morning for work. I'm a teacher. went to work and couldnt stop crying. My principal sent me home till I can face the world again. When it that going to be. I just want to pull the duvet over my and sleep. Dont want to see anyone or go anywhere. It's my DH's birthday on Wednesday. Splashed out a bit-he also needs TLC. this whole thing brought us closer together. one good thing. I just needed to write all of this to someone. thanks for "listening"

hi i've never had a miscarriage so i can't offer any practical advice but didn't want to read and run.Hope everything goes well for you soon

thanks cuppachinogirl. I never thought it would happen to me. espesially after having 2 children with no complications.

Dearest tasja, I have had 2 ectopic pregnancies and 2 miscarriages and I know exactly how you are feeling. You must not blame yourself and you are definitely not being punished. Sadly these things happen and we have to find ways to deal with it. If you want to cover your head with the duvet then do it.
Let your emotions out, cry, eat chocolate, do whatever you feel you must. After a few days you will notice a change and you'll know that life has to go on.
Be grateful for the good things in your life; you are young, healthy, have a loving husband and children. Most people have money problems so be grateful that you can still buy your husband a nice birthday present.
Also be grateful that your unborn baby left early, there may well have been health problems and by leaving early you have been spared the added pain of a later miscarriage.
Baby's still come to people who are desperate not to have them and many women have doubts when they learn they are pregnant but nature soon sorts that out and most fall in love with their offspring before we even get to see them. You did nothing to make this happen and there's nothing you could have done to prevent it.
You say you and your husband are closer because it so be grateful to your tiny baby for that too. I don't know if anything I have said will help you but you are obviously a kind, caring person and you have been given and you'll gain strength through what has happened. When you are ready to conceive again I am sure you will and that baby will be even more precious to you. Trust me just be grateful and everything will turn out fine. Sending you a big hug and a squeeze. Xx

thanks melodyrose. thanks for the kind words. i trust that there was something wrong with the baby and am thankfull that it happened sooner rather than later.
i said a prayer for you. may you have one of your own someday. thanks for reaching out to me and a hug

I'm so sorry tasja

I had an early scan at 7 weeks and I saw a heartbeat, and then a few days later I had some light bleeding. It went on for a week but it never got heavy and I didn't have any cramps so I tried not to worry. Last week I went back for another scan when I should have been around 10 weeks, but there was no heartbeat any more :(

I had a ERPC this morning and I know just how sad and up and down you must be feeling. It's hard because I have a 2 y/o DC and I know how lucky I am to have a happy, healthy toddler at home when so many other ladies have recurrent mcs or can't conceive at all. I also have a good friend whose DD was stillborn, so I know losing a baby this early on is maybe not quite so hard. But I still feel a real sense of loss and all I can hope is that time and patience will help with it all.

Really hope you are feeling better soon and that you get all the support you need to get through this difficult time.

I can't think of any practical advice

But I'd lie to offer my condolences , make sure u get recovered and well rested

Thanks lastnerve.
LittleMissSnowShine. It is hard to deal with as you say. We know about other woman that can't have children and have MC all the time and we have kids at home and now we want to cry because we lost one. A friend of mine said yesterday it's time to focus on what i have and not what i lost. But I'm a very emotional person and we need to grieve. You feel a real loss! and it's hard. It's been almost a week now and I had a very bad night last night. I went to talk to someone and he read a story out of the Bible about a man who's newborn child was very ill and he laid beside his bed. he didn't eat or left his side for a minute. On the 7th day he died. The man got up and washed himself, sat down to eat. The other's asked him why he is going on so quick with his life and while his child was sick he just laid there. He said that his child can't come to him now, but one day he will go to his child. I found this story to comfort me. you will see your baby one day again. It's just bye for now. Hugs to you. Hope this helps you.

I'm all over the place! Went to the shop to buy toothpaste! Think I came back without my phone. Remember I had it in the shop before I paid for it. After that i can't remember. Went through the whole house and the car 3 times. Can't find it. think i lost it

tasja, how are you feeling now, its an awful time I really feel for you. wanting the baby or not will have nothing to do with it. I got pregnant very quickly after my little boy and I had mixed feelings how id cope with 2 little ones, should I have waiting. I miscarriaged and blamed myself for not wanting it enough. conceived 9 months later and couldn't have wanted it more sadly miscarriaged that one last week. so not a great story but all in saying is what's meant to be will happen, you foot have any influence very it so please don't have guilt to deal with too