miscarriage at 16 weeks

[jens42]

started bleeding on Friday night, and getting non painful cramps had a miscarriage before at 10 weeks so recognised the feeling just thought surely not at nearly 16 weeks I had just started to feel confident and relax. had scan Saturday morning by which time bleeding was heavy and I just knew, still heartbreaking to hear it confirmed that there is no heartbeat. they said it had died very recently and although 15 weeks plus in size developmentally only 13 weeks and she could see from the scan something clearly wrong. someone mentioned could be downs. I have booked in for induction Friday while hoping it happens naturally before then. seems to be happening now, painful convictions and bleeding increased. middle of the might and everyone asleep and thinking I'm regretting decision not to just go straight into hospital and do it there, at least there would be people around . hoping it does happen tonight while at the same time illogically just hoping doesn't happen at all. wondering how painful its going to get, the 10 week miscarriage was bad enough and don't know if I can cope with worse. I have a a lovely little boy so I know what labour is like but this is so much harder to cope with, just awful, feel so angry. sorry about rambling,
Jen

Did not want to leave without a reply. I am sorry that you have to go through this. Hold the one you have, remember the one you had and be strong. And take care!

hey jens42,i am really sorry for you.I went same way like you just at 18 weeks,bleeding,scan,sorry no heartbeat and of course it happened at home.That awful pain,cramps, anger and you a ready to crawl on your tummy in hope that would help.It was 5 year ago but i remember like yesterday.After while i get pregnant again and all pregnancy i was afraid that ''It'' might happen again.But this time i was lucky. So what i want to say is do what ever helps, scream,shout or cry just let your emotions out it makes less physical pain.And remember time is best healer.Remember you are not alone,we all are there!!!

Thank you so much for replying, seems it is happening tonight and its horribly painful, contractions seem to be in my back, then spread all round and into legs too. Every 2 mins and lasting about a minute to a minute and a half, typing this in the gaps. Hoping to be brave and stay home. Scared to see what it will look like too. My last one was barely recognizable but this one will be a proper but tiny baby. Worried I'll be freaked out by it, that sounds so awful. If I try and relay and manage the contractions its not as bad, its just I don't want it to be happening so I am almost fighting against it if that makes sense. Boyfriend asleep, keep waking him but nothing he can do and he is working tomorrow, horrible being on my own, thanks again for replies made me feel less alone

Sorry you are going through this :( I hope you're not on your own? I lost a little girl at 17 weeks in April and my 'labour' was just as painful as my labour with my daughter but didn't last as long (as my cervix didn't need to dilate as much). Have you been told what to do with the baby when it's been delivered? I had a retained placenta and had to have surgery so it might be worth going to the hospital? I'm sure you have already but if you haven't get yourself organised with a towels and something to put the baby in. Don't sit on the toilet without a bedpan, most mid trimester miscarriages happen on the toilet.

Don't worry about what the baby will look like. It isnt frightening, they are just very very small, very red and blobby baby.

I don't think staying at home is the 'strong' thing to do. You need the support of professionals and pain relief. How far away is the hospital? Give your boyfriend a prod and wake him up x

so sad and sorry for you. Have had 5 mcs but none as late as this one for you. Hope you are doing ok and agree with advice above xxx

Thanks for the replies and advice, I did read but first time had chance to reply. I don't know why I was thinking brave to stay home, no logic at all! Well not long after my last message the contractions merged into one long horrible contractions with no gaps, more painful than the birth of my son. I went a bit hysterical, I threw a bottle at boyfriend, plastic one! Screamed slammed doors etc. Just unbearable. He phoned am ambulance and they took me to hospital, I lost loads of blood, they found the baby was stuck cervix had not opened enough. They had to manually remove it,just horrible. second it was moved pain became bearable, they then had to remove placenta which came out in bits.hat was pretty awful too but rain manageable. I got gas and air They don't know if all out. They have just given me pills, forget name to try to get any remaining bits out caused me to pass big clot. Just seen consultant I am to stay nil by mouth for now as might still need to go to theatre but they will scan first. They brought the baby in to see me at my request, its kind me grey ish beige colour, tiny perfect hands, the nurse took photos for me which she had me look at before actual baby. I am very glad I saw it, it was never going to be as bad as in my imagination. Fingers crossed don't need surgery. I have been unlucky and it shouldn't be this bad but in any case I would never try this at home and I wish I had come into hospital sooner so I could get help, being brave was stupid. Sorry rambled again x

You poor thing. I am so sorry. I hope that you will begin to recover as quickly as possible, I know it will take a long time in your heart, we are here for you if you want company or to talk etc.

Lots of love xxx

I am so sorry. I lost a baby at 14 weeks and nothing in your life prepares you for it. I was induced and am so glad I got to see our gorgeous baby boy. It will take you a while to cope with everyday things again and try and give yourself the time. Some people may say some odd things to you as they won't know what to say. I learned that I would never be the same person again as losing a much wanted child changes you, but over time I came to accept that I had changed and that was OK. We had couples counselling after about 4 months (we weren't ready for it before) and it really helped us look towards the future. My one tip is to make sure you are physically OK and that all the placenta has come out. It didn't with me and it meant that physical recovery took longer than it should have and I was as weak as a kitten physically as well as emotionally for longer than I should have been. If you are bleeding for a long time, then make sure you go back to your GP. Mumsnet helped me so much when I lost my baby. Please don't suffer in silence. Big hug x

Very sorry to hear this Jen,
Thinking of you..

Thank you for kind thoughts, I have never posted on here before have just looked for info and it even more helpful than I would of imagined having people who know what you going through to talk to. Complicated how did you organise counselling? Through gp or hospital. I think going to need it.
I ended up going to theatre it look over hour and half to remove remaining tissue turns out baby had been dead over 3 weeks placenta had fell apart and I have infection. Boyfriend was told routine 10 min op, and I was gone hours.Have needed blood transfusions too, starting to feel bit more human now and realise lucky not worse and infection found now.

You poor thing :( I am so so sorry for your loss :( I have had a lot of contact with the bereavement team and the chaplain at the hospital and used that as a kind of councilling service. Your hospital is probably your first port of call, presumably you'll be having some follow up with your consultant so maybe ask then. Are they planning to do any tests on the baby? We have had to have a full genetic screen as my baby had some abnormalities so they might offer you further tests.

Sorry you had to have surgery and have an infection :( it was the same for me and I felt hideous for a good couple of weeks but after then recovery (physically anyway!) was pretty quick.

I hope you're being well looked after x

Yes they are testing baby and placenta, this is my 2nd miscarriage and the said normally test after 3 in fact first consultant said lets wait and see if you have another one before we think about testing. Could of punched him! Thankfully someone nicer got involved. Don't know if will reason but at least feel like doing something. Family services team coming to see me to talk about counselling, burial options etc today, staff have been amazing, I am at Liverpool women's hospital.

Lwh has a fantastic reputation so I'm sure they'll look after you well :) are you still in hospital?

I am out of hospital now, you are right. I cannot fault lwh, they have been great. 4-6 weeks for results of tests on baby they said. will wait for results before we decide what to do next. methe seems my story very similar to yours I am physically starting to recover but because experience been so traumatic I can't seem to think about having lost a baby, I am kind of numb about it. and almost just focused on the shock of what happened. I am so sorry you have gone through this too, its bad enough losing a baby without having to cope with operations etc.are you starting to feel better mentally now? also I have to thank you for practical advice about bedpans, towels etc, glad you warned me x x

Tbh I did a lot of my dealing with my loss before it happened this time so recovery hasn't been to bad. I still have my moments and my baby should have been born in a couple of weeks so i'm doing a lot of thinking about it but generally I don't feel to bad. I've been though several losses before and both of my children were prem so problematic pregnancies are normal to me. I can't decide if we are going to have another baby either tbh it depends on what comes to light at my consultants appointment on monday, almost 17 weeks after my loss.

good luck with your recovery, be kind to yourself :)

I did have 2 days from the scan to the actual miscarriage and I cried a lot then, it is my 2nd miscarriage. I am kind of expecting a big wave of sadness to hit and floor me but maybe I won't a as bad as I was with the first one, human mind hard to predict even my own! we have had a serious conversation about adoption, my body reacted very badly to both my miscarriages and don't think I could ever rrelax in another pregnancy, early days for me for me for now, still really suffering cues the blood loss, ended up back in hospital on Friday so probably best just get right physically. I feel for you approaching due date, I found it hard last time. I got a big group of girls to come out with me and 'celebrate'last time imagine I'll do the same this time. look after yourself too, hope your consultant appointment is helpful x

You might not get that wave of sadness; I think when you've been through a loss once your brain finds dealing with it easier if it happens again. Grieving is a pretty shit thing to have to learn how to do though :(

My consultants appointment came back with nothing. My blood results were fine, the baby was normal and my treatment was appropriate. My problem is anatomical (cervical). We have a plan in place for if we try again but that's unlikely.. I think I've decided to buy a horse instead.

Best of luck with the coming months and I hope your recovery is easy and you
find some peace which whatever you decide.

You are in my thoughts :) x

I gave up my horse when I got pregnant with my ds! really miss her but dont think I could find the time now
I think you are totally right, grief is easier 2nd time, don't know if I can say I'm coping better or worse but I do feel life goes on, and after first miscarriage everything stopped. . its a hard one with the testing, hoping there is nothingwrong but then at the same time looking for a reason

hit send by mistake, my message ended really abruptly, now can't think of a suitable ending!

Lol bless you :) I'm crap at endings too (and beginnings and middles!).

You're right there is a lot of conflicting feelings about the test results. I had really psyched myself up to get horrible results so fr them to be normal was a bit of a relief and a kick in the teeth!

Have you organised what's going I happen now? We had a very small burial. It's nice to have somewhere to go occasionally.

I should have my results in next 3-4 weeks, I'm trying not to think about it but it will be a starting point for what we do next. they gave us option of joint cremation but next one not for 6 weeks, too long for me, am individual burial but the way they described it seemed like a proper funeral and how do I say . . my baby wasn't compatible with life, never had chance of survival so I couldn't go through proper service for a child. . still not sure how I feel about all that, anyway I opted to take the baby home with me when I was discharged, we bought a big beautiful pot from garden centre on way home, me being pushed round in wheelchair almost fainting! and we buried the baby in the pot and planted pretty flowering plants in it. . I had a little teddy that I had bought for the baby that ended up being my first miscarriage and we buried that in it too, so it kind of feels like its for both of them, we will be moving soonish so can take it with us. its pretty and I feel ok about it, suppose that's all that matters. currently struggling with the massive amounts of iron tablets, trying to balance against massive amounts of laxatives!!

Thats a lovely thing to do, we thought about doing it ourselves and planting a tree but we're planning on moving over the next few years. If this had been our forever house we'd definitely have done it. We couldn't have had a pot.. my kids have broken 2 this year so i'd have been on edge every time they went near it!

The iron does make you feel pretty grim doesnt it? Are you on antibiotics too? I soon learned not to take them together after an almostpoomypants moment in the veg aisle in sainsburys .. I never needed the laxatives . I hope you're feeling a bit better :) x

I was feeling loads better and then for mother natures last (I hope) kick in the teeth my milk came in, didn't expect that, nor did my doc, got some pills to take to dry it up. enough already!
my 2 year old not at the pot smashing stage yet but good point, might have to note it somewhere safer soon.
boyfriend just promised me a holiday to cheer me up on the plus side, and I get to pick where we go, off to browse the internet! hope you are ok. started horse shopping yet?!