what to say to a friend that has miscarry...

[cheapandchic]

my husband has just told me that our friends have had a second miscarriage. the husband told my husband as they have been very old and long time friends. I asked if it was ok that I knew, and he said yes its not a secret or anything. We are seeing them soon. Do I say anything? Sorry. Ask if she is ok? Or is it better to just ignore since she didn't bring it up? I really feel for them and would like them to know I care and pray for them.

What is the proper thing to do say? Ignore or say something kind/offer to talk?

those of you that have been through it...would you appreciate someone acknowledging it or would you prefer others to not say anything??

I had a miscarriage before first DD and it was nice if people just said " I was really sorry to hear your news, it must have been a horrible time, how are you feeling now etc" or something like that.

Don't say ( as a few did to me) "Im sure you'll get pregnant again soon", " oh well it happens to lots of people" " at least you weren't too far along....".

I agree with schoolchauffeur I had six miscarriages before I had dd in march and preferd people to say they were sorry to hear rather than saying nothing and knowing they had acknowledged it and we're there for me if I wanted to talk. Just say you are sorry and are there for her if she wants to talk.

Following on from school's post, please don't say - as a few people said to me - there was probably something wrong with the embryo and it's for the best (or words along those lines).

There probably was something wrong but I really don't know why people think that is a comforting thing to say and found it very hurtful.

I agree with schoolchauffeur, I have found it hard when I know some people know I miscarried and they haven't even acknowledged it when i saw them.

It's ok to say you heard their sad news and hope she's ok.

If they have other DCs, you could offer to take them for a bit, sticking a brave face on for DS was hard.

Some people want to talk, others don't.

Please don't ignore it. I hated it when people just said nothing. Just as everyone above has said a very simple how are you doing and sorry for your loss.