Thought I'd got my head round it until...

[Haylebop12]

Hi, new here but under devestating circumstances :-(
Found out at my 12 week scan on Monday that I had a mmc at 9 weeks. First shock as my hgc levels were so high I was admitted to hosp with excessive hyperemesis and dehydration :-(. As if that wasn't awful enough I was comforted by knowing this was the sign of a "healthy pregnancy" (I use inverted commas as what was about to come was awful.
We took our dd (3 1/2 years) to the scan as we truly never realised anything would be wrong. There was no movement and no heartbeat. Was distressing beyond belief as absolutely no warning signs!
So we had the meeting where we discuss options. Medical vs natural. Decided natural as I didn't want to go under anaesthetic and risk damaging any part of the fertility bits and pieces!
I quickly came to terms with the fact that there was nothing I can do so been keeping myself busy with gutting the house and wearing my dd out.
This evening the bleeding has started and have become an emotional wreck... Again
My question... What to do with the baby once i have passed it?
Every option open to us has pros and cons and I wondered If anyone would like to share their experience?
Dh And I have talked all night on what we want but nothing seems right :'(. I'm truly scared outta my shell as he also goes back to work Monday :-( they did deliver us some lovely flowers and have given him the week off :-)
I now can't sleep as I need a few days to decide on what to do and it could happen anytime now. I don't even want to go to the toilet alone!

Hi Haylebop12, I'm very sorry you're going through this and for your distress. I was in your situation in January at just a couple weeks further down the line so I completely understand your fear of the unknown. Please be reassured that you are not alone.

The thread on tips and practicalities for miscarriage will hopefully be of some help, you will see it if you scroll down the board. I will 'bump' it so it goes to the top for you to see.

How heavy is the bleeding at present? Can you arrange for dh to take Monday off in the event that it may not have happened by then? I think that you may feel calmer if you know you will not be alone. We are all here if you want to talk. I'll be back on tomorrow morning and I'm sure someone else will be around before then. Try and get some rest, easier said than done, I know.

Thanks, bleeding is very light at the moment with a couple of small clots. I thought I had my head around it until the bleeding started, guess I had disengaged from the reality of what was lying ahead. I'm just concerned about what it the right think to do with my baby. Yes it's only 2 cm but to me although his/her tiny heart was too weak it has a heart and taking it for incineration or flushing it just doesn't sit well. Neither however does burying it (we rent our house).
Totally confused x

Hi Haylebop

Didn't want to leave you unanswered until the morning.
Try not to think too far ahead with this, just rest the best you can and ask for a loved one to stay nearby. If the pain progresses, do call your GP, a midwife, NHS Direct or hospital for advice.

I'm sorry I didn't answer about what happens when you begin passing more.
In my case, I didn't really know what to do at the time either. There is no legality surrounding it until quite a few weeks further on. I just kept everything I passed in a click and lock box in the fridge until the whole process had ended and then took it with me to the hospital to see if they could examine it (they did but I think they prefer it to be at the 3rd m/c unless you wish to go to a private lab etc). I actually wished that I had not taken it there but kept it for a little longer and really looked at it when I was stronger as I missed it very much when it was gone. I also took photographs, I hope that doesn't sound odd to you - I have looked at those photos once a month since it happened, it helped me grieve but I understand that some would not choose to do so.

Nobody can say what is right and wrong in these circumstances. If you do manage to catch it, you might want to store it for a little while in an airtight container until you've recovered further as your thoughts and emotions can rollercoster for a while. Perhaps a fast running brook, if burying it where you live is not an option?

Thanks dreams. I understand everyone is different and what u suggested at the end was lovely. We actually love opposite a brook and it's a lovely place. I spoke to the ward at hOsp and they only cremate it. All that makes me think is oh god they're gonna burn it. Awful I know. No pains yet so maybe I have a while longer to think...

The brook you live near sounds picturesque and would keep the memory physically close. If there are no pains yet, perhaps use that time to ensure that you have comforting things nearby and book a supermarket delivery that your dh could take in for you so you have food that will keep your energy levels up, sanitary pads, wipes, enough loo roll, painkillers etc.

Thanks for all your help dreams. Me and dh have planned our meals for next 5 days and going supermarket this afternoon. Going to stock up and maybe just see how I feel when it happens.
Dreading it.com!

Hi Haylebop12, it's no trouble. You sound extremely well prepared. I know it doesn't seem like it now but there will be better times ahead. Hope you manage to get some rest.

Thought I would sleep better tonight but it's happened. Dh has been absolutely fab and sorted everything out as it caught me unaware!
Traumatic experience that may I pray will NEVER happen again but now I can see an end (physically) at least. Thanks for talking. Sometimes it helps to chat with someone you don't know but has experienced the same thing. Another long night but it'll all work out.
Hayley x

I'm so sorry, I hope that you aren't in any pain.
Your dh sounds lovely. Mine happened on a Friday back in January at 14wks, the weather outside was windy as it is now. That weekend was just a blur of sleeping and wondering why. Dh was great and made sure I kept eating little and often. If you aren't feeling well, worried about bleeding or filling a pad faster than every hour, do seek medical advice.
Take care.

Hey, unfortunately I did end up in a and e because some bits were stuck. Sorry to be gross. Fortunately I feel ok and bleeding has really settled down. After that experience I'm not sure if I'd go for surgery next time. Probably worst experience of my life! Can't believe how many women go through it tbh. Best wishes for the next one (if that's what your doing)
H xx

Just Incase you were interested, we decided to bury the baby at my mum and dads. Using the box my ebgagnent ring came in. Both wrote a note, very emotional but I think burying the baby was right for us. X

Very sorry that you ended up in A&E, that must have been very stressful. Not gross at all, I think the detail is very important in these events.

I had thought that everything had passed when mine happened and that nothing could possibly have been left with the speed of what came out but four days later the placenta started emerging when I was on the loo. Somehow I thought that a placenta hadn't even developed properly so when this thing was stuck half in, half out, I thought it was some sort of prolapse. Just as ambulance men turned up, there was a 'pop' and it dropped into the loo.

I'm glad that you were able to bury your baby, I so wish I had been able to, instead I thought that I was being strong by just letting the hospital have it all, I have photos of what passed but it's not the same. When I magnify the photo there are two little beans amongst everything, I can see a pair of eyes on each one It doesn't matter how small it is, it is still your baby. Putting him/her in your engagement box is a lovely way to commemorate your child.

Hope you have a peaceful week.

Thank you, yes that's what got stuck the placenta but it passed whilst I was walking from
The car to a and e! Thankfully though doc gave me a spectrum examination and cleaned inside. She was sure that as everything was closing up them everything had passed. Just the scan to go and hopefully it's the end (ish)
I didn't look at the baby, I couldn't. May regret that but dh suggested I didn't so I trusted him.
All the luck for the future x

You mustn't worry. You can only do what feels right at the time. I was the same.

Your hospital sound as though they were competent and cared for you well? I didn't get any spectrum exam or cleaning, nothing there was looked at all! He just felt my abdomen, I think he may have been new and seemed quite nervous, however he was very gentle. The next day I went to the EPU and didn't have the internal scan as could not face it, I just didn't like the environment there. She said she thought everything had passed by looking at the external scan and I was given the all clear a month later when pregnancy test was finally negative. I will get the internal scan done before trying again in case there is something there that will cause it to happen again.

Hope that you are ok and good luck for the future to you too.