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Original poster

Counselling - is it helpful?

17 replies

Nicebeaver · 14/06/2012 18:02

Hello there, I've been on the ectopic support thread for the last couple weeks (my full story is there in case you're interested).
In a nutshell I am 40, have a wonderful DH and 4 yo DD. over last 2 and a half years had 2 mc and 2 ruptured ectopics so as of 2 weeks ago have no tubes left.
Saw my lovely GP yesterday who suggested counselling and (as it is free !) I have agreed to it. I am really not massively in to talking about feelings and find it quite difficult to do in a grown up way - I tend to make jokes and drop one-liners to hide my discomfort.
Would love to hear honest appraisals of counselling and what it did or didn't do for you.
Thanks x

OP posts:
bumbums · 14/06/2012 18:26

I have had counselling this year and found it very helpful. Because the counsellor's job is to sit there and listen to you, what ever your issues, big or small, it was liberating.

I never want to droan on to mates about all my woes but with a counsellor its different.

Mama1980 · 14/06/2012 18:31

Hi I had my ds now 4 very traumatically at 26 weeks we both fought for our lives and I am left covered in scars-or dinosaur bites as my son calls them Grin following this I was offered counselling and went a couple of times to be honest I didn't find it helpful, I found they wanted me to discuss everything but I was just so grateful to be alive I didn't give a damn about the scars so for me they made a issue out of something that wasn't iyswim. The counsellor and I mutually agreed that it wasn't the approach for me. However this is only my personal experience and I'm sure it can be fantastic. I would say to give it a go -I was pleased if nothing else to feel that help was there if I needed it. I'm very sorry for your losses. X

bumbums · 14/06/2012 18:38

I think a lot depends on whether you 'click' with your counsellor. So one person may not be as helpful as another.

Original poster
Nicebeaver · 14/06/2012 19:38

Thank you so much for your swift replies and sorry for the traumas you have been through.
Because my only experience of counselling is through watching episodes of 'In Treatment' I don't know what to expect. Do they ask you questions or just expect you to talk whilst they nod?
Excuse my ignorance but it really is new territory!

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bumbums · 14/06/2012 20:32

Mine let me talk and responded in an understanding manner. There was no 20 questions or owt.

Mama1980 · 14/06/2012 21:00

My experience was that the counsellor wanted me to talk about my scarring in particular how i felt about what happened to me etc. she asked questions about how I felt, was I angry, sad etc. tbh I really didn't find it useful and the questions seemed to me intrusive-we mutually agreed it wasnt helping and that i would have a different way of processing what had happened. I am not naturally talkative which probably led to her trying to prompt me with her questions. I always felt she was trying to make me express feelings that I didn't have. But as I say only my personal experience here. incidentally what did help me was writing everything down - what was happening day to day it helped me put things into perspective.

Original poster
Nicebeaver · 15/06/2012 11:16

Thanks for sharing. I will give it a go :)

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highlove · 15/06/2012 13:10

I think it's worth a shot and I have a couple of friends who have really found it useful. However I had about six sessions when first struggling with infertility and i didn't really feel any benefit. But as others have said, I think a lot can come down to whether you click with counsellor. I definitely didn't and I felt we just weren't getting anywhere so called a halt to it. I'd consider trying again but would be really conscious I needed to find the 'right' person for me.

highlove · 15/06/2012 13:15

Sorry, thought I'd add, we sound similar in that I find it hard to talk openly about this huge stuff and tend to make jokes to cover my discomfort/hide things. The counsellor I saw seemed really uncomfortable herself with that, which I think is why it didn't work really. But I'm sure a better counsellor might try and address or at least acknowledge you are doing it.

I hope it is useful for you

Original poster
Nicebeaver · 15/06/2012 16:00

Thanks Highlove, that's really useful. My first session is on Tuesday so I shall go I with an open mind!

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Nonio · 19/06/2012 16:25

After I lost my child I have a catatonic breakdown without my councillor I would not be alive..... Good luck on Tuesday

Original poster
Nicebeaver · 19/06/2012 21:34

Thanks Nonio. Glad it helped you. Went today and I have to say I found it difficult - a bit excruciating really. The counsellor was nice but I don't think she really knew how to help me, talked about grieving and stuff. I don't know what I was expecting plus I am no good at unburdening really.

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Nonio · 20/06/2012 00:00

It's is very odd at first a bit touchy feely. I did say quite often at first to my councillor what do you know and other things not so polite. Sometime you need to download hear yourself say thing out load use them for that if nothing else.
So I would say give it a few more sessions and see how it goes.

Daisybell1 · 21/06/2012 18:06

I agree with the others but don't be afraid to ask to change counsellors if you feel your current one isn't right.

I had an initial counsellor who I felt laughed at me and didn't get my issue at all. However my gp found me another one who was a cbt practitioner who was brilliant and her practical approach appealed to my practical mind.

Good luck!

tasmaniandevilchaser · 24/06/2012 19:42

hi nicebeaver hope your 2nd session is more helpful. I went to a specialist women's reproductive health counsellor, so I felt she totally got where I was coming from. Does your counsellor have experience in that sort of thing? Maybe something to ask....

Spink · 24/06/2012 20:18

Hello, I come from the other side of things as I'm a therapist (not exactly the same as a counsellor but maybe close enough!)

Feeling unfamiliar with talking about stuff isn't a dealbreaker by any means but I think it can mean it takes a bit longer for the therapy to find it's stride, iykwim. It can really help if you go along to each session thinking about what you might want to use it for. It can be vague, it can be half-formed in your mind, that's fine. If you can't think what you want to use it for, say that. Counselling / therapy isn't the right thing for everyone and one of the jobs of the therapist is to help you work you whether it is for you.

Good luck with it and if the counselling isn't for you I hope you find something that helps with what sounds like a really tough time.

Original poster
Nicebeaver · 24/06/2012 22:52

Thanks everyone for your input and Spink good to hear it from your side too. I had a good talk with a friend of mine who's nearly finished her training as a counsellor. What helped is that our kids are friends and although we've known each other a few years we are not close friends. She was great, knew what had happened as I had to cancel a play date when I was In hosp but really helpful and a very good listener without big awkward pauses iykwim! I still don't know how I feel and I still feel as though it happened to someone else but I am just going to work through it and at some point I will come out the other side. There is a big child sized hole alongside my daughter and I never thought she would be an only child but she is very loved by her extended family and our lovely friends some of whom have children and some of whom dont which means so much

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