Difficult date for me today

[birdofthenorth]

Hi all,

Today would have been my due date had I not miscarried at 12 weeks in November. I was a bit obssessed with getting pregant again before my due date, and I did indeed get pregnant again in late March, but miscarried again 3 weeks ago at 9 weeks. I would've been just over 12 weeks with the second pregnancy now, so would probably have been telling everyone this week -just as my close friend just told me (by texting a scan pic) she is expecting 1 day before I would have been in December.

I have a very beautiful DD (nearly 2) and life is otherwise ok but I feel a little bit heartbroken today I know others are going through far worse so I don't want to moan, but the loss of control, constant feeling like I'm hiding something (because only a few people know I've mc'd twice) and having no idea what the future holds make me feel like I'm in a weird vacuum for the forseeable future. I haven't DTD with DH since my last MC and just don't really feel like it, it's hard to detach sex from baby-making and all the possible consequences. Had a bit of a meltdown last night as I just couldn't get to sleep -images of bumps and newborns and scans were keeping me awake.

Anyway -huge sympathies to those of you going through more recurrent mcs, late miscarriage or harder times. Hugs to all.

Bless you how sad, unimaginable what u have been through.

So sorry x

So sorry to hear of your losses. It's entirely understandable you're feeling heartbroken and you shouldn't worry about moaning - these boards are here to share experience and provide support.

I've 'only' had two early mcs, but the feelings of lack of control and inability to plan for the future you describe are very familiar, as are the lack of interest in sex and sense that I am or should be 'hiding' something.

I'm trying to combat the lack of control by learning all I can about repeat mc and thinking about testing, etc. And while it felt odd at first, I've found being open about what's happened with friends and colleagues to be really helpful.

I hope you have good support around you today and am wishing you all the best for the future.

So sorry to hear of your losses. It's entirely understandable you're feeling heartbroken and you shouldn't worry about moaning - these boards are here to share experience and provide support.

I've 'only' had two early mcs, but the feelings of lack of control and inability to plan for the future you describe are very familiar, as are the lack of interest in sex and sense that I am or should be 'hiding' something.

I'm trying to combat the lack of control by learning all I can about repeat mc and thinking about testing, etc. And while it felt odd at first, I've found being open about what's happened with friends and colleagues to be really helpful.

I hope you have good support around you today and am wishing you all the best for the future.

Hi there

Just wanted to thank you both for taking the time to respond -it made me feel better when I was feeling pretty low.

Having some better days now -I hope perhaps moving past my first due date will give some closure? Anyway, one day at a time!

Thanks again

Hi bird, that is so shit for you. I have been through similar (1 mc and 1 ectopic) and i really feel for you. I get plagued by all the images too and everytime i see a scan pic on fb or someone texts their "big news" to me, i break a little inside.

my DS is 2 too so i know i am lucky to have him but it's very hard to not be able to give him a sibling. You are not alone. I don't know how to make it better as i can't make myself better but HUGS and know that you are not the only one going through this sadness and pain.

Thanks so much berries. I have been stuggling not to feel low most days at the moment to be honest -babies and bumps still seem to be ubiquitous which doesn't help. I also struglle to communicate when close friends do call or call round to see how I am, it's so easy to just say "fine".

I am still feeling physically poorly too with anaemia which doesn't help, think I'd be feeling brighter if I has more energy. While I'm sad to read about so many people going through the same thing on MN it really does help to know I'm no alone. DH is wonderfully supportive but works away a lot and this stilll feels a very private pain.

Went to a wedding on Saturday and just about made it through happily til someone said I "should hurry up and have another one" just as we were saying our goodbyes and I burst into tears in front of everyone!

oh bird.... :(

it's nice that your friends call. mine seem to think i should be over it by now. Is there maybe one in particular you can talk to?

have you been to see the GP? Maybe counselling would help? I am starting some soon....

Bird - I'm sorry that your due date has brought up these feelings, it's very hard I totally understand that! When you have had a loss or losses it hard to move forwards day to day without thinking I would of been holding a 6 month old by now or I would be 13 pregnant! If all went well! A friend whose been trying for a bit is pregnant and clearly happy which she should be has posted pictures of her and her growing belly on FB and it was like a sucker punch!!!!!! Raw emotions came flooding back!!!
When people asked how I'm doing I smile and say I'm ok!!!well clearly they don't want to hear, well I still am upset can't watch obem! Can't stand seeing pregnant women and feeling my body has failed some how!
To all of us who have lost!!! One day at a time and hopefully soon it will work out for us all xxx

Sorry phone didn't put 13 weeks pregnant!!!!