Handholding needed before I flip my lid

[zoeymlucas]

Just need to vent really as had a MC 2 weeks ago today (was 7 weeks) and my sister in law has just annonced she is 7 weeks pregnant which is fine I can deal with that to a point.

Then just to rip that final strip out of my heart and stamp all over it she cooly says the name we were having for a girl is what she is going to call it if its a girl as we arent using it now!!!! How do you even answer that, how insensitive and selfish can one person be! She dont need to remind me I dont need it right now I know perfectly well my baby died, but that was our name we want if we have a girl so do that I think is beyond belief.

Am I being really selfish and out of order as right now cant even think straight?

Oh my dear. I'm so sorry and angry on your behalf. I was all ready to say YABU and then I read she'd actually said "...as we aren't using it now..."

That is horrible. I can only say disengage for a while, and when you and your DH are calmer mention to her (or her DH, if he is more sensible) that this was very hurtful and you'd appreciate a damn sight more tact in future.

So sorry for your loss.
And that has made me angry too, I can't believe she would say that..........who does that?

Plus surely you would still like to use that name, when you have a girl?

xx

I am so sorry that is utterly ridiculous, the timing is thoroughly shit anyway, and to be that insensitive is unbelievable

It is over a year since I mc'd and I am now pg again, but I am very aware that in the year and a bit that I took to get pg again, my 2 SILs have had 3 little girls (one had twins) and between them they have used 3 of our potential girls names. They didn't know, and so didn't do it deliberately, but even now I find it a painful reminder that I had to wait for my baby and that they "got there first". I can't imagine what it's like to have someone get pg so close to your dates, know that you were going to use that name, and then SAY that they are now going to use it because you don't need it!!! That is just unbelievable!

I'm so so sorry and I hope that you have lots of love and care in RL from other members of your family and from friends, take care xx

Oh sweetheart - it's unbelievable how crass some people can be. You have my sympathy. The anger will fade in time.

So sorry for your loss. So let me get this straight, she knew very well that you would be using a particular name, you had had conversations about it and of all the names to select, she had to decide on the one that she knew you loved?
If that is right, she is an utter shit and an insensitive one at that. If it hadn't been for the loss, it would not be quite so bad but to decide to do that when you are grieving tells you a lot about her.

I don't think that I would be able to contain what I thought and would have to either stay away until I was calmer or I woundn't be able to contain it and I would just ask her outright "Why? Of all the names?" and tell her that it was a selfish act towards a grieving mother. She sounds as though she may be a little fixated on you and has seized a chance to make you feel bad. Perhaps she feels that she cannot match you in other areas of life and this is the only chance she will ever have to get one over on you. It's a horrid, ugly thing to do.

M/c really makes you realise how great your friends and family are but there are always one or two people who surprise you with their insensitivity, particularly when you've tried your hardest to be kind to them and put a lot of thought into travelling miles, sacrificing time and buying considerate presents for their children and you know what? Karma is going to come back and hit them right between the eyes. Make a mental note of what she has done and resolve to not go out of your way for her in any way.

I hope that your d/h has been supportive and you are getting lots of rest, good food and love from everyone other than her.

Thank you for your words and support, I am glad to here I am not over reacting as I can be hot headed and thought maybe I was over reacting but stepping back and looking at what you wrote I am not and she is just selfish and not someone I want in my life SIL or not!
Well tonight I couldnt contain it and blew up at here and she played the victim as usual. After a good chat with my mum have decided I don't want people like that in my life who can trample on someones already broken heart without even thinking twice.

Well, maybe she will stop to think about others' feelings next time she being selfish - must have been good to get it all out.

You're not alone in this - I have a sil who rang me asking about measuring a cot, a fortnight afterwards, as apparently, I'm good at that sort of thing, not particularly and there are conversion tables online. I'm not sure if she was just not thinking, or wanted a topic of conversation or was tying to gloat thinking I would be jealous - our ways of life are very different. It hurt to think that she wanted to upset me intentionally, it really did. I also had her baby thrust into my arms and her mother would not stop talking about 'baaaabies' and told me that there was a woman on tv who had had 17 miscarriages or something and then had a child - like that's supposed to make me feel good The MIL also loves reminding me of my age - her own mother died in her 60s and those in my family go onto 90s so perhaps I am old in her eyes, I could say so many things back to her but think 'pfff', your life consists of sitting on your arse all day, watching tv and an obsession with children, so I won't shatter your illusion of a life and get her cat's bum mouth grimace Sorry that was very long! Venting on a Friday evening.

I do hope that you are doing ok, zoey. Good to read that your Mum is being supportive.

Good lord !?

I can see this is an old thread but I had to say something.
Insensitive is NOT the word here. Gawd I'm actually SO angry for you .

Grrrrrrrr, some people.