Any one had or considered councelling following loss?

[tightwad]

Im awaiting a date to begin councelling.

I have never had any and i am very worried about what floodgates it will open.

I have had 7 mcs, last one was 3 weeks ago.

Normally, i have a week off work to physically recover, and i just crack on with normal life. Ive got very very good at this. Its all shoved out and not allowed back in, so its as if its never happened.

I do not remember edd, dates of the loss, how many weeks or any of the events leading to/during and after.

This time it is different because it was the last. No more.
This is double the blow and so more than usual to deal with.
This to me, is huge. I think i need to open this up, to make acceptance easier and logical.

Has anyone had councelling and how did you find it?
TIA

I hope someone more qualified comes along soon. In the meantime I just wanted to say I am so so sorry for what you've been through. You must be one hell of a strong person and brave for acknowledging counselling may help. I hope it does.

Thankyou goofymum x

Hi tightwad I'm so sorry for your losses. I couldn't just read and run and I know this isn't exactly what you're asking about but bear with me...

Without wishing to hijack your thread, I wanted to explain where I am. I've just had my 6th mc, fourth in 13 months. All at 5-8 weeks. I started mc-ing a week after losing my Dad, and have recognised that I need help to deal with the combined effects of all this loss. I haven't got myself up to calling potential counsellors yet but know I have to. We have also decided to take a few months break before starting ttc again.

I am conscious that you say you've decided that after 7 mc's, that's it, you won't try again. That is completely understandable, I'm sure you feel exhausted, drained and defeated, and that fate is against you. So, I'm absolutely not going to tell you you're wrong to decide not to try again, I don't know what you've been through, but if I may can I tell you a bit about what I found out about my mc's, because I am also conscious that many doctors just say an mc is just bad luck and tell you to away and try again when often there could be a simple treatable explanation. That number of recurrent mc's is not just bad luck (sorry for getting a bit soap box-y here).

After my third mc last April, I got tested for all manner of things and we have established that the cause of my mc's is that I have very high levels of Natural Killer Cells. It's an immune response basically, where the body fails to recognise that the baby is not an invading infection and you mc (or mmc) before 8/9 weeks usually. It's also relatively easy to treat - despite the fact that I've not yet been successful on the treatment regime and am personally proving to be a bit of an enigma for my consultant, I know of a growing number of success stories where ladies who have been through lots of mc's are expecting or have their very own "take home baby".

Sorry to bang on for so long. If you decide to think again, before or after counselling, and you'd like more information feel free to pm me. In any event I wish you all the best, look after yourself and take time out to get yourself back on your feet.

I am so sorry for your loses.

I have had counselling for mc, after my second I felt suicidal and desperately needed to speak to someone. My counsellor was amazing, I could not have got through that time without her. She was the women's health counsellor at my local hospital.

I hope your counsellor is as good as mine was and that she/he helps you through this terrible time. X

Yes i had counselling after what sounds like similar actions towards my miscarriages .
I had 3 miscarriages one after the other and had little to no time off work and just cracked on. I few months after i found myself in a dark place and felt pretty miserable. I have a habit of comparing, for example my friend had a stillbirth so my early miscarriages were nothing. Which was so wrong. Those we're my babies, our future and once you get that bfp you start dreaming. Not to mention your hormones and body changes.
My counselling helped me grieve and understand why i didn't deal with grief very well. Yes i cried and talked about past painful stuff but it helped me deal with my emotions and allowed me to.
Unfortunately we went on to lose our son later that year and i truly believe without that counselling i really would not have come out the otherside.
Go for the counselling and embrace it.
Good luck and hope it gives you the strength you want and need
ps just found we are pregnant again so it really did give me strength.

Oh my, there are such strong women out there. Thanks for these great posts Choccy, Childofthemonkeybasket and Babaloulou. I hope they help tightwad, they have certainly helped me. And congratulations Babaloulou.

chockypud I am nealry 42. Trying for number 2 for about 6 years now.

I have been seen and treated at a reoccuring mc specialist centre, i have had every test surrounding reoccuring mc that there is...all normal.

I have been treated a couple of pregnancies ago with hormone injections, high dose folic acid and asprin..and still miscarried, it just took much longer to happen and was far more tortutous than is usual for me.

I was told that if i continued to try, i would continue to mc, they dont know why...in fact they do not know why 80% of mcs occur. There are no answers, no explanations and absolutely no hope or treatement for me.

Thats the end. Mother nature has given me too many HUGE hints that actually love..forget it, it aint gonna happen.
So here i am.
Kept going thinking "maybe next time...maybe next time...maybe next time.."

I now need to allow the trauma to surface, i feel ready to actually face the Godawful fucking devastation and horror of the last 12 years of gut wrenching agonising dissapointment, swallowing my pain, and pushing out any crumb of feelings of upset and wanting to bawl my eyes out...becuase ive got stuff to do...GOT to maintain normality.

Once this is done and dealt with, i really can carry on life and put it to rest.

Not explaining myself very well, but by eck, reading back..ive got allot of anger to get through!

Thanks for sharing every one, i really need to know if it will be the right thing for me.

I haven't had couselling but I'm seriously considering going for some. I don't know how you have coped with so many mc, I am seriously in awe of your strength.

I have had 2 mc now although one of them was so early it should probably be called a chemical pregnancy rather than a mc. The really early one didn't affect me too much, it was just like a late period both physically and emotionally. It helped a lot that we fell pg the next cycle and had dd2.

This one has affected me immensely. I was 12 weeks and I had no reason to think anything was going to go wrong. It was a surprise pregnancy and dp didn't want it although he accepted it was happening and was making his peace with it. I feel like my whole world has fallen apart. I only took 3 days off work (although that made it 10 days after the mc as it was during the holidays). I keep trying to get on with life and be normal but I can't. It was 4 weeks ago now and I still keep crying every time I'm alone. I just about manage to keep my "I'm fine" face on when I'm around the kids, and even when dp is around, but whenever I'm on my own I can't cope. Dp doesn't want to try again so I'm trying to come to terms with that as well as losing this baby.

I hope counselling helps you. I'm going to speak to my gp next week about it. I don't think I can talk to anyone from my normal life but maybe I can talk to a stranger.

Hi jodidi, i have been following your story actually love, on your thread.

Im not strong, quite the opposite and obviously quite stupid for carrying on.

I was just overwhelmed with the need to give my ds a sibling. Encouraged by folk on here who have had mcs and gone on to have healthy pregnancies...if it can happen for so many others..why not me?
But it cant so here i am.

I also dont feel that i can talk to anyone i know because they all think im ok and over it. Truth is, im not. So i hope councelling will help. Still waiting for a date.
Good luck love and feel free to come and talk if you need to, i regulalry check in x