Probable mmc – getting through time till next scan

[spicymum]

This is such an amazingly supportive forum, so sad though. I?m so sorry to everyone on here for what you?ve been through.

I?m meant to be 9wks, but had a scan yesterday that showed a too small sac (roughly 6wks) with a yolk but no fetal pole. I know that this is every indication of a mmc, but they couldn?t confirm it as the sac is too small (19mm). They said there was a chance that it was a normal pg, just much earlier than thought. Though I don?t see how that works with my dates, also my pg symptoms have gone away, so am trying not to get my hopes up.

EPU said I have to wait till next fri to get another scan. I can see that they need long enough to see if it?s progressed, but it seems ages to be in limbo. I wondered if anyone could share advice on getting through this period. I don?t know whether to go back to work or not ? it seems a long time to be ?off sick? but I?m scared of bursting into tears, or worse starting to mc in the office. I have to spend an hour each way on the train as well.

I also don?t know whether to tell people ? have told my parents and a couple of close friends who knew I was pg, who?ve been great. But another friend is pg and rather smug talkative about it. I know she?d feel awful if she knows how much her comments keep upsetting me, so I will tell her, but not sure whether to wait until after the next scan.

I have a dd 20m (at nursery 3 days)? since the scan I feel like I?m not being fair to her ? I?ve gone very quiet and internal and don?t feel like playing much. I haven?t fallen apart exactly but I feel very lethargic. Can?t seem to do anything except sit in bed and faff around online. Advice welcomed ? thanks in advance.

hello sorry to hear that another person is goin through the same. i had my scan march 15th exactly the same as u but id thought i was 11wks so completly didnt see how my dates could be so wrong. they booked another scan for 10 days! later. but really i knew there would be no change.
i started to mc naturally four days later, i was so relieved to have not had to wait the 10days.
before that we just kept putting dvds on and spent time at my parents. i think in some ways its harder when u already have children, cos you need to keep there routine when you just want to hide. although it does give u something to focus on.
i wouldnt go back to work maybe see how u are in a few days, maybe talk to your boss.

So sorry to hear this spicymum - I am going through the physical part of my missed mc at the moment, having found out my 9 week pregnancy was a six week foetal pole at my scan just over a week ago. I am due to go back the the EPU next week, and had been living in limbo up until yesterday when the bleeding started, terrified of going into hospital for an ERPC (see my other thread about no medical management, where some fabulous mumsnetters helped me out!) You have to do what you feel is right to get throught these horrible days. I found it helped being around my two ds's, and talking to a few wonderful friends. I watched films (avoiding sad ones!) tried to eat well, indulged myself in a cry if I needed one and read books to pass the time. My boss has been great and I have taken the time off I needed. I also relied heavily on mumsnet and the other women who are (sadly) on these threads, as it has been a wonderful source of support and advice. Don't be hard on yourself for feeling lethargic and low - take care of yourself. It does get better, I promise (I have had four mc's now) and you will feel normal again. Hope things move along quickly for you - feel free to PM me if you want to. xx

Sorry to hear your news.

This has happened to me twice and the week waiting for the second scan is the worst part, really awful, so I sympathise. I went to work both times as it actually kept me going, but do what is best for how you feel.

And no, you're probably not doing your best parenting right now but it doesn't matter. You're under so much stress that it's very difficult to focus, you need to cut yourself some slack at the moment. I would say use TV as much as you need to as a "special treat" because mummy's not feeling very well and ask friends/family to take your daughter so you have time to rest/cry/faff around.

I found my mood really improved after the ERPC, it felt like the worst was over with.

aw so sorry to hear that spicymum. I had the same experience (posted as soveryfedup then - am all over this board of late whining about being in limbo!), I too was 19mm and despite an earlier scan showing no baby I had to go home and wait for another ten days. it was bloody awful, I am so sorry you are going through this now.

I took time off sick to deal with this time, when I didn't even do that for my dad's death! i too have a DC (27mths) and went quiet with him - he would stop playing with his dad to come and see me on the settee and give me a kiss... he knew something was up bless him and I felt so guilty but we are only human. I couldn't bear the idea that I might mc at work or anywhere, though people here were kind and reassured me it would come on slowly rather than all of a sudden... so I did go out, but would just not cope with being around 'normal' people - i felt like a ghost person. it was a hard time and I felt best being in with my family, pottering, being on here, watching silly tv... but that's just me!

After nearly a month of being in limbo I went for medical management (the tablets in hospital) instead of waiting any more for a (much perferred) natural mc. Three days later I can honestly say I am MUCH better - I laughed and played with DS today like I haven't been able to for so long. I think that is because even though the physical mc was very recently, the limbo phase, and not being at work, gave me the space to come to terms with the fact my baby had probably died and I would mc. When I did mc it marked the end rather than the beginning of my grief... and am now moving on (slowly).

Although i hope, hope, hope your dates are wrong, if they aren't I wanted you to know my story because it is like yours, and although limbo is dreadful if you look after yourself it can be a healing and preparing time so you can move on after the physical mc.

Sorry this is so long. Do PM me if you want to chat. Take care x

Thank you all so much for your very kind replies. So many sad stories :(. I?m so sorry for all of your losses.

Wilde you put it perfectly - feeling like a ghost person. I?m pretty quiet and internalised at the best of times, and have just withdrawn completely now.
I don?t have friends or family nearby which is hard, though both have been supportive by phone/email. I could go and stay with my parents - they don?t always say the right things but at least are sympathetic and make sure I eat etc. The only things stopping me is dh is also finding this hard and I don?t want to leave him on his own.

Either way it sounds like I need to stock up on DVDs and books to pass the time. I have been reading about the different mc options and they all sound horrible, so I think distracting myself for a bit is probably the way to go.

Thanks again, and I hope you are all doing ok x

dvds and books sound good spicymum. I don't have friends or family where I am either (well I have one good friend but was too mardy even to hang out at hers) which has actually spurred me to move closer to both in the coming months. Anyway, we were ok. You will be ok. All mc options are horrid you are right, at the mo all you can do is sort of exist as best you can - and do eat, for your living DC and the hope that everything is ok, and for your mental health. x

Thanks wilde. I?m glad that you?re able to laugh and play with your ds again. I hope moving helps you. We are also moving closer to people, obviously planned before all of this, but I do think it will help in the circumstances.

That?s interesting what you say about the limbo phase helping you come to terms with it. I hadn?t thought of it like that. I think it will help me to be more positive about this time, so thank you.

I just realised my post sounded like it implied people who go and stay with their parents during mc somehow aren?t being supportive of their dps. Wasn?t what I meant at all. It?s just that my parents are miles and miles away so I can?t see them and stay near dh. Aargh the last thing I want to do is say the wrong thing :(

spicy i didn't infer that from your post at all. it is a hard time, look after yourself and let others look after you too x

Hello all, and I'm sorry too that so many of you are going through this. I too had an internal scan yest which showed a sac, yolk but no heartbeat. They want me to go back in 2 weeks for a repeat scan as it was too small for my dates. I est I am 10 weeks, so feel I know the outcome. But a wait of 2 weeks is going to be horrendous. At the mo I am bleeding but like a period (since sunday), so feel the worst is yet to come as have no pain. The Dr yest was lovely, but did'nt really give any info apart from insist I have a sick note!! I would have preferred some guidance on what might happen between now and 2 weeks.

Hearing that I was pregnant at 45 was a shock, but have got used to it. Plus I know my 6 year old wold love a bro or sis, so am devastated by this. But reading all of your posts on here makes me feel more reassured that I'm not just being silly and sentimental.

I too feel like I'm not being fair to my son as am a bit grumpy. But until I'm out of limbo, I don't know what to tell him apart from mummys not feeling well.

Take care of yourselves all x