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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Is sending flowers to a friend who has just had a stillborn baby appropriate?

18 replies

WestYorkshireGirl · 30/04/2012 10:07

Would anyone mind offering me some advice please? My friend has just delivered a full term baby who was born sleeping. Do you think it appropriate to send flowers - I can't decide? Am definitely sending a card. Thanks

OP posts:
Beamae · 30/04/2012 10:11

I would. But not pink or blue... White probably. People sent me flowers when I had a miscarriage and I found it comforting.

scater · 30/04/2012 10:13

Please do send flowers, or a plant. We lost a daughter to stillbirth three weeks ago and for a while the house looked like a florist. It was a bit overwhelming but really showed us that friends and family cared. I suggest a plant because over the last few days I have had to start throwing flowers away as they died and that has been quite hard.
Much love to your friend, its bloody unfair and horrific.

cazboldy · 30/04/2012 10:14

sorry for your loss scater x

lagoonhaze · 30/04/2012 10:15

Scater Sad about your daughter.

Agree a plant. A friend found this comforting in similar situation.

PoohBearsHole · 30/04/2012 10:18

Hi West Yorkshire
I have (gratefully) no experience of this, however as Scater ((hugs)) has said I would send a plant. Would perhaps a very beautiful Orchid which lasts for a long time and needs little maintenance to start off with?
Or I bought a friend some lavender in a pot which she then planted in the garden? Smells lovely and looks pretty although I appreciate a colour but it is also a restful smell.

Your poor friend, I am so sorry for her loss and for Scater.

AlanMoore · 30/04/2012 10:22

Scater, I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby.

WestYorkshireGirl, have a look at Tesco, they often have lovely little plants for delivery. Agree that flowers are probably best avoided. Your poor friend, it's so cruel :(

Abra1d · 30/04/2012 10:24

I think a lovely plant would be really appreciated.

scater · 30/04/2012 10:34

Thanks all didn't mean to hijack. Your friend will be happy just to know you are there for herxxx. I am in west yorks too, I have heard the local sands groups ate good so maybe you could point her in that direction when she is ready.

Littlemissimpatient · 30/04/2012 10:49

What about a peace lily plant?

dontforget2scream · 30/04/2012 14:07

Scater, I'm so, so sorry...x

WestYorkshireGirl - please do send your friend something as well as a card. I miscarried last week and I so wish I had more physical mementos of my baby/pregnancy to treasure.

I can't really explain it very well, but it hurts deeply that there are so few traces of my little one's existence.

LunaticFringe · 30/04/2012 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 30/04/2012 14:34

Scarter - I'm very sorry to hear that x You are right - it is bloody unfair and horrific :(

I personally think flowers are better than a plant, unless the plant can go in the garden. Indoor plants take too much effort sometimes and you feel awful if they die. If you send flowers, get the ones which are in a vase or a vase 'box' so they don't need to find a vase and faff with them.

Appleseed365 · 30/04/2012 21:27

I lost my beautiful girl fulll term in February and was sent so many flowers but to be honest even though it was like a florist in the house it was comforting to know my friends were there for me. Throwing them out was hard though, like more things dying around me... I was sent some lovely lavender bath oils and salts and these were really useful and helped soothe my mind when things got too much. Perhaps make her some food and bring it over, leave it at the door... Just be there for her to talk or not talk...

It's without doubt the worst of times. You are a good friend.


lisad123 · 30/04/2012 21:31

We sent friend a candle and "for get me not" necklace

DaisyMaisyJessicaEmily · 01/05/2012 23:55

I would second warning the delivery people. I had flowers delivered recently for a miscarriage and the delivery lady was all ooh someone loves you today etc. they should have the commonsense to know flowers aren't always for nice reasons but they don't all.

So sorry for your friend x

angelkalibsmummy · 16/05/2012 00:29

i personnaly did not like flowers wen i lost my baby at 21 weeks. my mums a florist and made me a massive boqet of flowers and i was staying at hers for few days after the loss as i coudnt face to go home until it had all the baby stuf removed :(.. i made her keep them at hers when i went home as i felt rong to be givin flowers :S, i already had a daughter and when i had gave birth to her i had hunderds of flowers so i decided i didnt want them at the time of loss, although i did have a massive floral reath made for his funeral... and i alwayslay flowers at the baby memorial gardens.. what a few of my freinds did that i found a really nice gesture was they all chiped intogether to get me a massage ... and they also put a smmal donation together for me to either give to the charity sands or keep it for a memorial stone or something , so with this money i bought a lovley scrabbook type album and put all the photos and scan pic in xx, hope i helped

rachelaries · 20/01/2020 04:47

In my opinion, yes it is.

See flowers are always used as a form of self expression. if you want to express how youre with her during this really tough time. a rose might not be the appropritate choice but rather maybe something light like an orchid which represents blooming, might be perfect. To even add more touch and make it long lasting, get an orchid pot (get them off of orchid pots amazon) and put the flower in that and give it. That way, it'll be a long term, he/she can plant more orchids or flowers in it.

I hope they find it comforting.

katy1213 · 20/01/2020 04:59

Perhaps not a huge bouquet but some letterbox flowers or a box of Scilly daffodils, cheerful and simple. I wouldn't get a plant or anything that makes demands.

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