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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

What will happen if I have no medical intervention?

15 replies

harrietlichman · 27/04/2012 15:27

As some of you on here will already know, I found out I'd had a missed m/c last Thursday. I have a follow-up appointment in two weeks time, where they will offer me either an ERPC or tablets to complete the m/c if it doesn't happen naturally in the meantime. I am very, very scared of both of these, and want to know what would happen if I refused both of these treatments. Can I just wait it out, even if it takes another month or more or is this dangerous? I guess this must have been the usual practises before ultra-sound became available? Has anyone experienced this? TIA.

OP posts:
LandUnderWave · 27/04/2012 16:01

hi there

not much expertise but didn't want to leave you unanswered
so sorry for your loss

from my experiences they said that most people will miscarry spontaneously within the time they give you - i think the main issue they may then be pushing to do something might be infection risk?

i'm sure that they wouldn't mind if you phoned and spoke to someone eg in early pregnancy assessment to ask for more info

so sorry again

Methe · 27/04/2012 16:10

What is it about medical intervention you are scared of? I've had lots of erpcs and general gyne stuff that i'd be happy to talk to you about if it would make things easier? Your welcome to message me privately if you don't want to talk on here.

Wrt what would happen if you don't do anything.. Eventually you'll miscarry naturally but it can take time; I had a mmc that wasn't discovered for 5 weeks and that had to wait another week for the erpc, I've heard of woman who haven't miscarried naturally after 9 weeks And then had surgery. I don't know what the longest it could take is though :( I suppose too that you run the risk of getting any infection too.

I'm really sorry for your loss :( hopefully the mc wont take too long x

wilderumpus · 28/04/2012 10:16

Hey harriet

i waited... I had an anembryonic pregnancy (there was never a baby) and the placenta side of stuff finally stopped growing at 7 weeks. Found this all out at 6 weeks, finally had medical management at the drs behest yesterday at 10 weeks. My gestational sac was looking very robust and 'healthy' on the scans so it did not look like I would mc any time soon naturally, and personally I knew that too as still had pg symptoms. I also had an inkling I may not actually mc at all but would need some help to tell my body to let go.

Do you have any 'inklings' of how yours may go? have you any spotting or signs of mc yet?

I went with the mm against my preference, which was to wait it out, but I do have social obligations (wedding and new neice to visit), a DS, and work are pressuring me so i knew, really, i couldn't sit around and wait to mc any longer (it had been over 3 weeks on sick leave already, waiting) and it was putting a strain on us all. This was a PERSONAL decision.

How is the mc affecting your life, are you happier waiting it out?

My MM experience yesterday was absolutely FINE. I was utterly dreading it, I hate hospital and unnecessary medical interventions. I thought it would be a scary, lonely, impersonal and painful gorefest. However, I was left alone, just got on with it, took in lots of snacks and reading material, I came home and am fine today. it doesn't have to be awful.

I have wittered on enough, do PM me if you would like to talk any more about MM, happy to chat :)

good luck whatever you decide :)

harrietlichman · 30/04/2012 13:33

Hi all - thank you so much for your replies. Since I originally posted I have started bleeding, so though it is very bitter sweet, at least it looks like I may not have to go through MM. I am having an OK day today. So up and down emotionally and just want to feel normal again.

Thanks again x

OP posts:
WhatDreamsMayCome · 30/04/2012 16:19

Hi Harriet, I had a natural miscarriage at nearly 14 weeks.
Once I knew it was starting I didn't want to go to the hospital despite husband wondering whether I should go or not. I felt under the weather and the thought of travelling there and sitting in an A&E waiting room and having it happen there, wasn't what I wanted. Being in my own bedroom with a soft light on and the curtains drawn was where I felt it should occur. At the beginning, I called NHS Direct and the person just said to check for the back of neck for coldness, as I felt hot, they didn't seem to be very concerned about me being at home. After it passed, I was able to rest in my own bed with the radio on without worrying about travelling back home. I understand that everyone is different.

When you feel up to it, try and book an apt with the EPU so they can do a scan to check that all is clear.

If there is anything you want to ask, feel free to pm me. So sorry for your loss x

harrietlichman · 30/04/2012 19:24

Thank you WhatDreams - so far it has been manageable - bleeding started yesterday and this afternoon had some painful cramping. Been ok with painkillers and a hot bath though, and have got hot water bottles. Just want it all over now...

OP posts:
tightwad · 30/04/2012 19:28

Hi, I knew at 7 weeks i was mcing, didnt happen till i was 13 weeks though, the wait was torture.

Sounds harriet that its happening for you now though, so keep up with the pankillers and hot waterbottles love. snuggle on the sofa and take good care BrewSad

wilderumpus · 30/04/2012 19:43

hope you ok harriet. take care x

harrietlichman · 01/05/2012 12:23

Having a really hard time today - started cramping quite severely yesterday afternoon - it went off a bit after I had a really hot bath but came back with a vengeance around 11pm. Managed to get some sleep about 1ish but woke up in pain again at 4am and got back to sleep at 6, an hour before I had get up to get boys to school. Been ok this am (on cocodamol) but it's back now, really painful - heavy cramps, bleeding alot and pains in my back and hips. I have a pile of washing to put in the wash and haven't even washed up the breakfast stuff yet...I am being such a rubbish mum to my two ds's at the moment (had to leave them to play on the wii for what seems like ages at tea time yesterday while I sat in my bath..when will this be over???!?!

Sorry - rant over...

OP posts:
wilderumpus · 01/05/2012 13:32

Harriet, I am confident that I speak for the whole board when I say STOP DOING THINGS! :)

you are not being a rubbish mum, the DCs are fine on their own for a bit - you'll be back with them properly in a few days, but only if you can stop and look after yourself physically and emotionally NOW. Do you have anyone who can help you with the DCs for a couple of days? Is there anyone to do the house stuff - even if the kids can help at all, if you say you are under the weather (I have had my 2 year old helping me because I was 'tired'!)

if you feel guilty try to think about this time as looking after the one that didn't make it; if possible try and have an mc bubble where you focus inward and get this particular job done, to the best of your ability - like labour really.

Can you call the dr and get some proper drugs, (and maybe plan to be up all night again tonight though hopefully you won't be).

I really hope you can get some help and concentrate on what is happening to you so your coping mechanisms are high. After the physical mc (but not the day after, you will be knackered) you can then focus on others, for now everyone should be focusing on you - including you.

Hope you are ok, will check in again later. Hugs and am so sorry you are going through this, it is totally shit. xx

WhatDreamsMayCome · 01/05/2012 20:05

Yes, I second everything that rumpus has said!

Try and enlist some support if you can and get into bed if you are tired, please. I agree, everyone should be looking after you at this time. It isn't lazy and you are not being a bad mother at all, playing on their wii is hardly the worst thing they could be doing for a few evenings. Do care for yourself while you are going through this without distractions. This might sound like 'hippy dippy' rubbish to you perhaps, but speak to your body and reassure it that you are ready for it to do what it has to and that you are at peace with it, breathe deeply, allow any tense muscles to relax. Essentially, be kind to yourself and care for yourself as you would for a loved one.

It annoys me that women still having to endure mc in the 21st century. Sad
Thinking of you x

heidipi · 02/05/2012 10:15

Hi Harriet how are you doing today? Hope things have moved forward and you are nearly through this.

Have been thinking about you - hope we're both out the other side soon.

harrietlichman · 02/05/2012 12:28

Hi - I think it is all over. Yesterday afternoon (just before school pick up!) it got really bad. I had been managing the pain ok - taking prescribed pain killers and basically doing what you advise above Whatdreams - practising yoga breathing and coping ok. Then the pain really intensified, and I was basically crying in agony and thinking it was going to be impossible to pick up the boys - I had to do it as dh was miles away, SIL at work and wouldn't have been able to get here in time and no one else who I've told about it was available, so I had to just get on with it. It was awful, I was physically shaking and almost thought I was going to pass out but it passed without incident and I was home within 15 minutes. As soon as I got in I went to the loo and had the biggest loss I'd had so far - almost immediately the pain ceased and I was just left feeling somehow 'emptier' and slightly bruised. I've had no pain since and bleeding has lessened. So it looks like it's over.

I have felt ok today, had a tiny cry in the small hours, and then went to the GP to get my sick note extended as was due back in tomorrow and just not ready for it. The GP was the same one who had suggested the early scan and I just burst into tears in her office - it was awful. She was lovely and let me cry it out. I am going to do as you say now, take some time for me and try and get over it as best I can.

I have a follow up appointment at the EPU next week and am going to ask for tests regarding my recurrent m/cs. I am not sure whether or not we will try again yet - my DH is adamant that we don't as he doesn't think we/I should put ourselves through this again, and I am definately going to take a good few months out to recover, but whether I will still have this burning wish for another child remains to be seen.

Hope you are all feeling ok today? I hope to see you all on happier boards some time soon! Thank you for thinking of me xx

OP posts:
wilderumpus · 02/05/2012 14:01

glad it is physcally over for you now harriet though it sounds just awful for you :( Glad you have got some time off work and have some space to work through this psychologically.

take care chick x

WhatDreamsMayCome · 03/05/2012 12:09

Oh, Harriet Sad I remember that empty feeling all too well. Look after yourself over the weekend, you've been through a lot this week. x

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