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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

I'm pregnant, friend has had two mc...

6 replies

cherrypieplum · 20/04/2012 09:22

We're both attending a party later. What is the best way to approach this? I don't want to avoid her as that may upset her but if she's planning on avoiding me I don't want to foist myself upon her. I don't want to rub anything in her face in the fact but chances are people will ask me about the baby and I am very obviously pregnant (although going to try and cover up). I want to be supportive but I don't know how to talk to her without seeming to either ignore what's happened or bringing up something that's hugely painful.

We were never hugely close but our group is. I do wonder what's been said too as one of my friends said she didn't 'like the way she's been treating me'. I tried to delve a little deeper but didn't get far. It seemed to be based on friend who has had miscarriages avoiding any events I'll be at, etc and the mutual friend (who has been in a very similar position) thinking this was not on. I can understand it. I don't know how I would be in the same position. I just want to not make things worse!

OP posts:
DialMforMummy · 20/04/2012 09:54

I was in a similar position. You can't win. The best thing to do is to act as natural as possible and avoid talking about your future baby unless asked by others. Whatever you do, she might end up resenting you anyway. It's a very difficult situation.
Time is of the essence. It took 6 months and for her to be pregnant again for my friend to talk to me again.

cherrypieplum · 20/04/2012 09:57

Thanks. I've seen so much conflicting advice it just seems without being a mind reader it's a minefield!

I just feel so guilty! Every little step forward we take my first thought is how she hasn't been able to do it yet. Very, very sad.

OP posts:
DialMforMummy · 20/04/2012 10:05

I felt guilty for being pregnant too.

cherrypieplum · 20/04/2012 11:32

It's such an odd and unfair situation to be in. I just want to make it better for her but there just isn't anything I can do. Especially when communication is not forthcoming.

OP posts:
cherrypieplum · 21/04/2012 14:24

Update- we made a bit of small talk.

She seemed to want to avoid me at first but I approached and just chatted about the do we were at and all seemed a little better.

OP posts:
DialMforMummy · 21/04/2012 19:19

That's good to hear.

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