Scan today - 4th miscarriage. Knocked sideways.

[harrietlichman]

I had a scan today at 9 weeks pg, due to previous 3 mc's. Had no bleeding, so was really hopeful and anticipating everything was ok. Scan revealed the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks and that was that. I am so utterly bereft. I had been planning everything around November, when my baby was due and now I am waiting for nature to take its course. I have cried all day. This is the worst so far, as this was agreed as our 'one last go' as neither dh nor I feel we can go through it again. So that's it. All over.

I'm so sorry {{hugs}}

There's a (sadly) great thread on this board called something like practicalities of miscarriage that's well worth a read, although on your 4th I guess you know all of it anyway

Keep posting, it really helps x

I'm so sorry for your loss Harriet x

So sorry for your loss Harriet x

So sorry Harriet. I've had the same - 4 missed abortions as they're called - no bleeding, just no growth.

thanks all - have read thread Foof - really useful, especially as this one is different to the others. MN is fantastic, no one knows in RL so really appreciate you all here.

mirry - how long was it till you started to bleed? Or did you go down surgical route? I am all over the place - don't know what to do...

I went down the surgical route, apart from the first one, where I started bleeding within 24 hours of my scan - which was at 10 weeks. I just wanted to get rid of the foetuses asap so i could start ttc

i am just so saddened to hear your news. life can be such a nasty affair sometimes.

Harriet, mine was a mmc, I had natural (not nec through choice more from not being given any information to choose) it started the day after the scan but everyone is different from reading on here, have read of some people waiting for the natural way to have waited for weeks and weeks.

I'd probably say that if you are at home anyway and have someone who can be with you when it all kicks off then wait it out, if you have commitments and other DC/work etc, maybe a medical (tablets given to bring it on and completed in hospital) or surgical route would be better. Did they give you any counselling at the hospital?

Counselling?

harriet I am so sorry, I can't imagine how you must be feeling :(

I was also due in Nov, should be 9+2ish but found out at 6 weeks that my baby hadn't developed at all, so just an empty sac. Haven't mced yet! body happily hanging on to this non-pg. back for another scan on Monday and to get the tablets if not naturally mced by then :( have you had any signs you might mc soon, would you like to wait or just have it over with? Did they not say at the hosp what your options were at all???

Hospitals are shite with mcing ladies.

take care x

I take it you weren't offered any advice either then Mirry? this is not uncommon I am finding how do they expect us to know the choices for one, and to know which choice is right for us if they don't bloody counsel us??

They gave me a leaflet explaining the two options and I have got an appointment to go back in three weeks time. To be honest I didn't take much in as I was in bits - though I have to say I think I was dealt with sympathetically. I am going to see what happens for a week or two (they gave me a note so am now signed off work for a few weeks - am a teacher and can't contemplate being in the classroom at the moment) I feel absolutely numb. I thank God for you all on here - I have been a long time lurker/occasional contributer on these threads because of past experience, and know how valuable it is to have such fantastic support and just a sense of not being alone. My DH is being fab (as always - currently cooking me up a big bowl of pasta) and I am blessed with two fantastic ds's that have made me laugh tonight, but then I will be hit by a wave of sadness and a sense of loss, which I know you all understand. Thank you all so much for your messages - I appreciate it so much.

Soveryfedbup - no signs of mc so far - still feel very, horribly (now) pregnant. The sonographer said 'our bodies can be cruel to us sometimes'. So true.

I do feel for you. It really is such a horrible experience and so unexpected especially if you have had easy pregnancies in the past. Each time I was told to go away and try again but unfortunately a real baby never materialised for me, so I just thank heavens every day for the one I have.

so true indeed :( Really sorry for you. I have been so sad this past week, think I am getting better but each day is different. Can't work at all, am signed off too while in limbo and don't have a clue how I will feel after have actually mc'ed. Sad all over again/relief after all this waiting, who knows.

We'll be ok... x

Oh Harriet, I really feel for you. Im also playing the waiting game, now 11 wks baby died at 8. Have apt tomorrow for second confirmation scan. I know that 'utterly bereft' feeling. And I'm also still feeling horribly pregnant. This is my first experience of this tho, can't imagine how your feeling 4 th time around.thinking of you xx

Hope it goes ok today Firsttimer - they said that I will have a 2nd scan at next appointment which I am dreading - I had none of this with my previous mc's as I just started bleeding and that was that. This weird feeling pregant and not being is just horrendous.

Harriet so sorry this has happened to you again. I've seen you on other threads supporting us all & so gutted it's happened again. I've had 2 mmc so know that awful limbo of feeling so pregnant yet knowing you're not. Our bodies are so cruel! I felt so sick during last pregnancy that ended in mc & after the scan I just couldn't bear it. I had erpcs both times as just wanted it over & couldn't stand the waiting & uncertainty. Also feel like we're not really given any advice but ultimately everyones different & what's right for me might not be for you. I just felt the erpc gave me faster closure. I am quite shocked that they're making you wait 3 weeks though. Really hope you're ok & get strength from your dcs x

so sorry harriet, what an awful thing to have to go through again and again. Have you had any investigations done as to why this is happening?

Hi - I haven't had any investigations - it was mentioned after my 3rd mc, and we were about to undertake them when I concieved again. I was just so sure that this one was somehow 'meant to be' that I wasn't worried at all - and then when I got past 6 weeks (where I have lost before) then 7, 8 I got more and more confident. It seems really hard to believe now that just a few days ago I was looking at travel systems and planning my boys joint bedroom (I had asked them if they would like to share a room and have a bunk bed - they were delighted, not sure how I am going to get out of that one!) I just don't know why this has happened to me again. Am feeling so terribly sad. I know I will get over this, like I have got over the others, but I just want to curl up in a ball and howl right now...

Harriet how old are your other children?
I told my children the truth. That the baby had just stopped growing, no-one knew why but it sometimes happened and so there would not be a new brother/sister from this pregnancy. I likened it to the seeds they grew, some would grow strong and some wouldn't grow at all and some would grow a bit and then wilt. They seemed to understand that.
So sorry to hear of your loss.

Hi Juule - they are seven and four. We hadn't actually told them I was pregnant (I was so cautious due to previous experience) just asked them what did they think about having another brother or sister and talked about possible room scenarios (as cautious as I was I think I just got carried away abit) So I guess we just let it die down. Thanks for your message - so sorry you (and everyone else on here) have been through this too.