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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

How to cope with seeing babies and pregnant women everywhere

6 replies

pinkapples · 14/04/2012 21:54

Hi ladies...

I miscarried at about 6weeks (that's when I started bleeding) DH and I have been trying for 4 yrs and we were so so excited then... Bleeding we are both gutted and hardly speaking at the moment (Dh also lost his job the same week we had the scan to confirm lost baby) I am struggling to cope and don't have any friends to talk to... Its not that I feel bad for others with babies but I wonder why its not me and pregnant women... Don't even get me started... I just wonder why it couldn't have been me...

How long is this feeling going to last ??

OP posts:
RubyrooUK · 14/04/2012 22:15

So sorry to hear this. I recently had my second miscarriage (am lucky enough to have one DS from 4 years of trying).

I do sometimes find it hard seeing lots of pregnant women as I wanted this baby so much. But the way I have coped is:

A) give yourself time. I've needed a while to just feel sad about the loss of that baby, its future and the life I had planned for us in my head. Little by little, I've enjoyed one or two things again so it does improve.

B) remember that only you could have your baby. Yes, other women are lucky for getting and being pregnant but they are not having YOUR baby. There is no point being jealous.

C) come and talk to people on Mumsnet if you can't talk about it in real life. I felt too sad to talk about it to my very best friends (who would have understood) but I could talk here and it really helped.

Hope you feel a bit better soon.

RubyrooUK · 14/04/2012 22:21

Oh and in terms of how long it takes, sorry, I think it is just completely personal. It's so hard to say. But I hope you feel much better soon.

Ratata · 14/04/2012 22:36

Hey, so sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm currently going through a miscarriage and went to the supermarket today and there were so many people with kids and pregnant people. I too wondered why they could do it and not me.

All I take comfort in is that usually miscarriages happen because there is a severe problem with that specific embryo and it could not survive. It's nothing you have done, you couldn't prevent it. Luck of the draw unfortunately :( Being told at a scan that your baby is gone is awful :( we went for an early scan and expected to see a baby and there was nothing, sac measured 4 weeks under what it should.

Hugs. It's not easy xx

FoofFighter · 15/04/2012 05:04

Talk to us pinky, we are here for you x

I can't say seeing babies is bothering me, nor seeing bumps (not yet anyhow!) the only hing along these lines that's slightly upset me is that a good friend who was supporting me last week wanted to come over this week but I wasn't up to visitors, texted me today to say she was 17 weeks pregnant and she'd wanted to tell me face to face this week, which really wouldn't have gone down well only a few days after the mmc! Although i appreciate the thoght behind it, wanting to tell me herself.

be gentle with yourself x

GodisaDJ · 15/04/2012 05:49

Sorry to hear pinkapples Sad

Ruby has offered some good advice. Take your time and accept that you have had a loss.

I'd also add that when you do see pregnant people or ladies with children, you don't always know their 'story'. They too might have suffered in the past, or had IVF. I used to get through each day remembering that (i know some people haven't but i didn't know so I'd tell myself that perhaps theyd tried for years, or had ivf - it just made me feel better)

I had ivf and always felt conscious when I was pregnant and guilty for being pregnant when other people weren't, especially as our ivf worked first time and many people's attempts at ivf are far more than that.

My dp used to say to me, it is ok to feel envious, jealous and resentment. They're normal feelings when ttc and it doesn't make you a bad person for feeling that way - it will make you an amazing mother one day as you will appreciate every second of the journey you have had to go through

Big hugs

stelabelle · 15/04/2012 21:26

Hi pinkapples, I completely sympathize, I had my second mc about 4 wks ago and last time was awful, every time I got an inclining someone I knew might br pregnant it threw me into a panic was the best way to describe it... It didn't seem to be so bad seeing strangers in Tesco... I'm lucky most of my friends are either past child bearing age or not there yet. However this time I've had news of three girls I used to work with all due around the time I should be and to start with it's a punch in the chest, but then I remind myself of two things, one, this is not about them, it's about me, it's my journey and if we are meant to get there and have our own little baby, DH and I will and two, it is toraaly ok to feel bruised, you can feel jealous, hurt, indignant, angry, sad, all of it and it comes and goes, some days are better than others but those are the feelings that will eat you alive, let it out and take as long ad you like and then try and see a light somewhere in the future, you never forget and you shouldn't, but I hope it does get easier. Take care, Estelle xxx

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