Lethargy and demotivation post-mc is affecting me at work

[birdofthenorth]

Hi all

I have one fabulous DD but had a gory natural miscarriage at 11.5 weeks in November followed by a clean-up D&C. As we draw closer to what would have been my due date (early June) I am becoming more conscious that I have been a ruccbish employee since my mc. I work from home for an organisation I've been with nearly 5 years. To my shame I have always been a bit disorganised but since the mc I've been chrnonically demotivated, procrastinating, letting deadlines slip and having to be chased by colleages. I feel so ashamed and yet even despite this I can't seem to find motivation to sort myself out. I do everything in a last minute panic. I find reasons to put things off or squirm out of them altogether. My employee is good, my manager is kind, my colleagues are nice and my workload isn't impossible yet I'm stressed and grossly under-performing and making their lives harder. It has now got tot the stagee where I think I need to have an honest chat with my boss and apologise, but what to say? I don't know if I am depressed. I am certainly sad, a fair bit of the time. And obsessed to the point of distraction with TTC (must be knocked up before my previous due date for fear of the world collapsing).

Basically I thought I wouldn't have to worry about work much this year as I'd be going off on maternity leave, and I don't think I've got my head around the fact that that isn't the case! It doesn't help that when I was pg and anticipating a year-off I took on extra responsibilties in my life outside of work thinking I'd be at home with a baby with time on my hands.

Anyone else felt like this after mc? Any advice? Sorry for moaning when others on this board are going through multiple mc or very current mc. I send my utmost sympathy to those in worse situations from myself.

Sorry for multiple errors!

Sorry to hear about your mc.

I think you need to try to simplify things a bit - would life be easier if you said no to some of these outside work responsibilities? Don't over think about letting people down etc, because unfortunately it sounds as if you have too much on your plate.

I also suggest having an honest chat with your boss and seeing if you can be given some leeway to get on top of things. Maybe a period of time when you are given no new work and can just catch up?

hello bird

So sorry to hear about your loss. I saw your thread title and had to reply as I am feeling much the same; although I mc'd 3 weeks ago (at 8 weeks), I was off work for a bit and then had a lovely holiday and felt as though I was ready to face the world, get stuck into work... and now I'm just not. I just don't care about work stuff at the moment, which makes me feel guilty as well as being very demotivated and procrastinating and all the rest of it. I'm also really tired most of the time, which I guess is down to iron levels being lower than normal.

However, since you're still feeling like this after 4 months, I would agree with branching and suggest you have an honest talk with your boss, especially as you've mentioned they're the nice kind sort. I'd also suggest you see your GP. Did you get offered counselling after your m/c? It might be worth having a session or two, even if it's just to get it all off your chest and hear that it's probably completely normal to feel like this.

It's bad enough having felt all flat and weary and don't-care-ish for a couple of weeks, I can't imagine how you must feel, and I really hope you feel better soon.

Bird, so sorry for your loss. Feeling a bit the same myself. I had a mc 3 weeks ago, and on my second vist to the epu spoke to a really lovely nurse who spent some time chatting about the emotional side of things (as I blubbed). She suggested that if after about 6 weeks my 'dark days' were still more frequent than good days that I should see my GP. I think you're feelings are normal, but since their still affecting your work and your life a few months down the line, I agree with LadyMary that you should get some help.

I had PND after I had my dd - totally unexpected as I'd never had depression before. Was glad that I got help as when I was feeling 'normal' again I realised that I really hadn't been my self. Look after yourself, and hope you feel better soon.

Hi, I had a late miscarriage at 22 wks in December. I gave birth to my son and he passed in my arms. I took a couple of weeks off, then got back to work and then after a month went on a two week holiday. We returned and I had conceived again only to miscarry again with a two wk bleed. Now my body is completely confused and I seem to be spotting on and off. My work output has halved. Each morning I start with the best of intentions and then slowly it unravels. I have found that when I work with someone together I am more consistent with my performance. At tasks I work on independently I tend to slack off. There are some days when I want to do many things; other days I can't do anything. I have the option to work from home but I go into work. Being with people helps me not dwell on my own thoughts. I find that regular exercise helps. Also spending time with family and friends, being spoilt through treats and voicing that I need that caring. What I have learnt is that grieving with loss is different for everyone. Grieving happens in cycles...a couple of weeks of 'recovery' followed by a day or two of raw pain.. take extra care of yourself and do what you know is best for you.

Sorry for your loss, I can totally empathise with you, my EDD is also early June and I was hoping to be pg again by then (but it's not going to happen). I had planned to go off on mat leave around now (nice and early!) and had planned other stuff with this in mind. I'm finding it hard as those early June bumps are very visible now and I keep thinking, that should be me!

I haven't been great at work either, especially as I've had an ectopic pregnancy since the mc and now my immune system is at a low ebb.

I have just cancelled things left, right and centre - long term commitments, short term, one off things. I haven't always said why but people have been very understanding and it was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

You have to find what works for you, sometimes it helps me to just 'be normal' and take my mind off it all, but other times I really really need to rest.

I have also found counselling good, a space to air thoughts and feelings and clear my head out a bit. I've got some through the NHS, it's a just a block of 6 sessions. The counsellor is good at summarising and clarifying my thoughts. I wouldn't find it useful if she just sat and listened. If you thought it might help, then I would say find a counsellor that is right for you, don't be afraid to try a couple out.

I also find exercise helps (but too poorly at the mo)

I would find a way to clear your head a bit and then tackle work - like womanly find ways that help you to get on track. Do you have appraisals or anything like that at your work?

Take care of yourself x

Hi, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks pregnant, just before Christmas, and I feel EXACTLY the same. At first I thought I was dealing with it really well but I have noticed that I have no interest in my work anymore and a real 'don't care' attitude that is just not like me. I had 3 weeks off work at the time but was itching to get back, so threw myself into it but have now lost all motivation. I have since dropped a few hours which has really helped- is this an option for you?
My due date was 1st July and like you am desperately TTC before then. There are 2 ladies in my work due the same week and all they can talk about is when they're going to finish, it's very hard.
If I wasn't TTC I'd be looking for another job although I don't think it's my job that's really the issue, I think I'm just very down right now. I can only hope that time will heal. Take care. Xxx

Like many of you I thought I was dealing with things well after a mmc 6 weeks ago, but found myself screaming at DH yesterday and slamming doors for no good reason. Even though I've had my AF which I thought would signal a return to 'normal' hormones, I realise this loss has affected me more than I thought...

bird I agree with LadyMary about speaking to the GP - it's more than a bereavement reaction in a way, because it was loss of the baby as well as the physical symptoms and the hormonal changes, not to mention the constant reminders everywhere we go. At least the GP may be able to answer any questions you have about what is a 'normal' reaction to this situation, and what other signs might indicate depression, and what options are available to help you.

I'm so sorry to hear everyone's sad stories