Baby loss - what can I do for my friend?

[treadwarily]

One of my friends has just miscarried. Again. She has had several miscarriages and also a baby who died at full term, during the birth.

She is a wonderful friend and I want so much to be supportive of her. I have of course spoken to her and sent texts, but can anyone here tell me what else might be helpful? To say or not to say?

Hi
It is difficult for anyone to say what would be best as each person deals with things differently, some want to be alone and others want to have family and friends around.
All I can say is let her know u are there if needed but otherwise let her come to u if she wants to talk/cry/anything!!
Dont avoid the situation but also dont go on about it unless she brings it up, she will talk about it when or if she is ready.
sorry not much else but that x

something i regret after suffering my mcs is that i had nothing to show for the pregnancies. there were no scan pictures to look at, no baby toys or little mittens to hold. It was as if nothing had ever happened. That still makes me quite sad. A really lovely thing to do would be to plant a rose bush or plant somewhere special with your friend. Its something that represents the baby, somewhere she can go visit when she feels sad, somewhere special to go on anniversaries, the due date etc. its also nice to watch it grow and flower. I wrote a letter to my baby as well. Its a bit strange but it does help xx big hugs to your friend. just let her know your there for her xx

Also, please make sure you dont say any of the helpful comments along the lines of
"it wasn't meant to be" - it was meant to be, it just went wrong
"everything happens for a reason"- no sometimes shit things happen for no reason at all.
and the best one i heard "its better that this happen now than let it be born with some awful disease or disability" - but you sound like a good helpful friend...not a knob head, so shouldn't be an issue for you! xx

You sound like a lovely friend.

What about just telling her the truth. Something like "I love you and want to be there for you during this horrible time. Would you like to talk? Please ask me if there is anything I can do for you".

One of my friends did this and i thought it was the best way to approach it. I asked her to come round with pizza, chocolate and no flowers and she did exactly that.

One of my friends gave me a little birth stone from the month I miscarried. I have kept it, and still hold it and remember my little one.

It was just lovely to get something to keep, and something that acknowledged that my baby had been with us for a while.

being there for your friend and letting her know you are there is the best you can do!