Think I need counselling...

[ruthlesskangaroo]

I had a mmc last month. I found out I had been carrying a dead baby for 5 weeks blissfully unaware. It took me a year to get pregnant. I'm just not coping and feel like I am trapped in a nightmare and am in a constant state of despair. I cannot imagine a life without children. I'm nearly 32 and feel like i am running out of time. I can't cope with seeing other pregnant women at work. Someone announced this week that they are due around the same time as I would have been. Im absolutely terrified. I feel physically sick. Im thinking I need counselling. I would do anything not to feel the way I do now. Has anyone else done this? Am I more likely to have to do this privately and will it go on my medical records? How much does it cost privately and does it work?

DO IT! go for counselling. It's so helpful and gives you a real space to think and talk and get the feelings out. I've had lots and found it really changed things for me for the better. So what if it goes on your medical record - must be so common. I had most of mine privately so I could go around work hours. And I suppose that would keep it off your medical record if that's important to you.
And don't despair. I also had a m/c of my first pregnancy, after over 1y trying and having fertility tests etc and age 36. I felt like you do. Everyone seemed pregnant everywhere. But it's not for ever. And I did get to be a mother within a few years. You're young! You have time. I'm sure you will have your child, and then you'll know you have the one you were waiting for.

Thank you for your reply Zoe. I took my mc really badly. Things did pick up for a bit but I feel like I'm back to where I was before now. I can't go on like this. I had a proper panic attack tonight after my dads birthday. Managed to hold it together until after we left and as soon as I got in the car that was it. I lost it. I hope you don't mind me asking but how much do counselling sessions cost if you go private?

Hello RLK. I agree, DO IT. I had 2 MC within 12 months and have had counselling. My last MC was in July and I eventually got help in December. I went to see my GP and was referred for counselling but the waiting list was months, so I went private. Cost me £50 for each 50 minute session. I am so glad I did it. I was depressed, unable to sleep for weeks, always on edge and usually in tears in the evenings. I have a DD, and my relationship with her was suffering, as well as with DP. I think you have to remember this has only just happened to you and you are grieving. You need to take time to look after yourself. I found it very difficult to cope around my due dates, and for months couldn't cope with other pregnant women or small babies. What you are feeling is completely normal. I am now sleeping, feeling well, and much better able to cope with things. However, I still have my wobbly times, its just I am better able to deal with them. Sending you big hugs.

Thanks Soupmaker, and I'm sorry for your losses. If you don't mind me asking, how frequently did you go and how many sessions did you have roughly? Thanks again x

I've been going weekly. Had 8 sessions. Now going fortnightly. To be honest I felt better having gone to see my GP and after admitting to some close friends and family that I wasn't well. I felt a massive weight lift.

I think you need to find someone who you can have a rapport with, and who you feel comfortable with.

Hi Rkanga. I've also heard of organisations for counselling where you pay what you can afford - a sliding scale of fees. Your GP would know of one locally to you I expect. here in London, one place is "WPF". Or perhaps there would be nhs without too long a wait. Once a week is typical. but you can do more or less. from a few weeks to a few years! I wish you well finding the right counsellor. If you have a nice GP, go and talk abou it. good luck.

I echo the "Do it" advice. I had 3 MMC in 12 months , the last June 11 was at 17 weeks and I was (looking back) overwhelmed by the experience. I didn't go to my GP (useless), instead the bereavement midwife at the hospital gave me the details of a local charity that provide counselling for all sorts of pregnancy related things. In desperation and feeling like a complete nutcase I signed up to their Loss Journey programme. 10 sessions, 1 a week. It really helped me especially when it came to dealing with the reactions of others to me/my situation. But it wasn't easy to do by any means. The counselling was free and does not appear on any medical records. I gave them a healthy donation when I finished and I still meet up with the counsellor every 2 months or so.

Very best of luck. And don't beat yourself up for not coping. I am generally a "coper", and I was floored. Still am some days.

Just adding another DO IT.
I miscarried after nearly 3 years of trying to conceive. It ripped me apart.
I was lucky that I had a really understanding Dr who totally understood how bloody hideous it was to have to see pregnant women. Counselling helped a lot.
I am now 37 and have a 2 year old DS (took about 8 years to get him in total), so there is always hope. I really, firmly, believe that.
Don't let this knock you down. It is a horrible, painful, nightmarish experience. And it will make you stronger.
I'm sorry you've been through it. x

I was16 when I became pregnant the first time. Single and very afraid.....

At sixteen weeks, I lost my baby. Bleeding heavily and in much pain, I was rushed into hospital.

I acnnot, to this day, describe how AWFUL was the tretament I recieved in the hospital. I lost my baby - at four months - in the toilet - alone and afraid.

Soon after that, I was forced to have a D&C.

No help whatsoever with the emotional aspect.

I was treated as dirt in the hospital. I was even made to walk the length of the ward with a soaked sanitarty towel - unsecured to be able to have a clean towel. The sister on that ward took me aside and told me that I was worthless; I'd lost my baby, she said, because I hadn't deserved to have a child. My baby was better off never being born than to have such a slut of a mother as I......

No-one ever gave me comfort.