Dreading work after miscarriage

[LadyCaro]

Have had a miscarriage this week. Had a 'robably a no' scan last Saturday, and bleeding started on Tuesday, and had rest of week off. Had a text on personal phone from boss earlier mentioning work on Monday (had said I'd be back in then). I'm starting to feel really panicky about going in, cry and shake when I even think about it. Feel stupid as I was so early on (had a MC a few years ago much further on, in traumatic circumstances...this time it was much 'easier'). DH has to go abroad tomorrow for a week, and I really don't know how I'm going to cope. DS (aged nearly 4) keeps getting tissues for my tears and asking what's wrong. Feel a bloody mess. Literally. Any wise words (or just rich tea and sympathy) would be much appreciated!

Hi lady, I'm really sorry you are going through this. I had a mmc in December last year and know how difficult it is to go back to work. My advise would be if you don't want to go back in then don't! Go to dr and they will sign you off. I went back the day after having an erpc and found it so difficult and ended up a blubbering wreck, my work mates were amazing but I definitely went back far too early.

The only person who knows when it is right to go back is you, you have to think about number 1. You need to come to terms with what has happened and you need time to grieve and every person is different where these time scales are concerned. Let your oh and DS look after you, bless your lo bringing you tissues.

Look after yourself. X

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

I also had a miscarriage this week.

Visited the doctor yesterday (again - had already been, and had a scan as well), and they signed me off for two weeks, no questions asked, and said come back for more if I need it.

I think it was rather clear given the fact that I was sobbing all over her that I wasn't fit for work!

No one should expect you to go into work so soon afterwards (not saying your boss is expecting you to) - it is very normal to need time to recover, both physically and emotionally.

Wishing you well.

Thanks for your replies. Am not glad to hear that other people are having a bad time too, but it's comforting to get some sympathy. I feel totally alone right now. My 2 best friends are staying over but they're just wheeling the same old cliched shit out & seem to think everything will be fine once I get back into the swing of work. My not so DH has gone on a week long bloody stag do today, and I feel totally alone and lost without him (I gave him my blessing to go but was crying out inside for him not to). I seem to be fine when other people are around but as soon as I'm by myself I
just despair again. DS keeping me going.

Definitely see the doctor and stay off work for at least another week. I was advised to do this by the doctor, didn't, thought I was fine and ended up with palpitations and couldn't think why?!!! Take this in your own time. There is plenty of time to be big and brave and to get on with life - which you will but just now it's fine to feel sad, poorly and to drink tea and watch television with a hot water bottle. Following two miscarriages, I have two lovely children. Hang in there.

So sorry youre goUntil I myself had had miscarriages

Hello,
So sorry for what you are going through LadyCaro - I had a missed mc back in April 2011 that ended up going on and on and never completely miscarried so I eventually had an ERPC 6 weeks later. I am going to give a different viewpoint to consider.....

I took a week off initially as I was an emotional mess and I didn't want to return after a week as I wasn't good emotionally and scare I would mc at any point. However, I did return after a week and I found it was good to take my mind of it a little and be 'normal' again for a bit. It was exhausting and I know that my work was a pretty pathetic for weeks but getting to work and not being in the house on my own for most of the day really helped me.

However, if you do take more time off it is completely understandable and I did at points have times at work when I thought I should have taken more time off. I really didn't care about work and nearly exploded at points when people were stressing about things that meant nothing compared to what I was going through. I am still glad I did go back.

I hated being alone while I was miscarrying. I ended up telling the people who were with me exactly what I wanted from them - which was not sympathy and reassurance, just steadiness and acceptance of my feelings.

Really helpful, thanks. As I don't feel physically strong (have just nearly fainted trying to ride bike with DS on back enjoying this lovely Spring day) i'm going to not go tomorrow. But I recognise that I'm better with company (good point LIG1979. So, one day at time.

PS Am new to posting threads on Mumsnet. What fantastic support it has been. Thanks all.

Hi there,
I am so sorry for your loss. I mc'd this week having had the week off (plus one off 3 weeks ago when lost the bean originally, we think) and I went back into work on Friday. On the bus to work, I suddenly panicked that I'd made the wrong decision but then I got to work and everyone was so lovely and pleased to see me that actually I was really glad I had gone in, and it has made me look forward to tomorrow (though not the early mornings...). We all deal with things in different ways, but my way is to get busy.

Good luck, and know that whatever you do, it has to be right for you. xxxxxxxx