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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Hold my hand please

9 replies

hoppy35 · 05/02/2012 16:44

Not sure what to expect very emotional started bleeding yesterday came to a and e blood test showed pregnant yesterday came back today symptoms worse and blood test showed lower reading please tell me what to expect physically and emotionally

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RubyrooUK · 05/02/2012 16:58

So sorry hoppy. Sad

How pregnant are you?

hoppy35 · 05/02/2012 17:06

Eight weeks so scared

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hoppy35 · 05/02/2012 17:07

So scared eight weeks

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RubyrooUK · 05/02/2012 17:25

Hoppy I really hope this is not a miscarriage.

But in case it is, it is hard to say what to expect as everyone is different. But I'm sure you'll get lots of support on MN.

During my last miscarriage, I started bleeding on a Saturday and knew immediately this was not light spotting or implantation bleeding. I bled like a period throughout Saturday and went to the hospital on Sunday.

They did an internal scan which showed the baby had died and I was in the process of miscarrying. They took a blood test and pregnancy test. It showed up positive but the HCG in my blood was too low and my progesterone levels were also too low for any pregnancy to continue.

I went home and carried on bleeding for 8 days. It was like a heavy period for me but not especially painful (except emotionally). Luckily the scan had showed that everything was likely to have been expelled so I did not have a D&C. I had no infections/temperature or anything like that.

Because I was so busy at work and I didn't want my boss to know, I went back to work on the Monday but it has taken me several weeks to stop feeling very depressed.

So physically it was not nearly as bad as I feared but I have felt very sad about it - which I guess is pretty normal.

Do you want to talk about it?

hoppy35 · 05/02/2012 17:36

Not sure I do or can talk about it the doctor has advised I stay in hospital and wait for it to happen I'd rather be at home in my bed hiding myself away I'm so upset I want to run away from my body is that normal
Thank you for answering it helps even though it made me cry

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RubyrooUK · 05/02/2012 18:01

Hoppy I think wanting to run away from your body is totally normal.

I was so shocked during the whole time this was happening to me. I know it is very common but it still hurts if it is you. Even though I know that there is a risk of things going wrong - particularly before 12 weeks - I still couldn't believe my body was doing this to me.

I know staying in hospital is awful but hopefully that means you will be checked out properly and this will mean you can leave (maybe with some answers) without constantly waiting for the worst.

The bit I found hardest was pretending every day that life was normal while I was still bleeding. And obviously I still felt very hormonal and I found it hard that in some ways I still felt pregnant even though I wasn't.

But the good news is that just a month later, I do feel better.

Not hormonal anymore and I've done little things to help myself. I bought myself a beautiful scarf and told myself that it would be my reminder of the happiness I'd felt when pregnant with that baby so I could keep some of that beauty with me.

I've done things I couldn't do when pregnant with gusto. I have written down my feelings and put them away because that meant I would never forget them (even if I never look at them again).

It is obviously too early for you to feel that way but I wanted to say that you will be okay even though it feels so awful now. And it is normal not to be ok for a while too.

Do come back here and post if it helps. I hope you have lots of real life support too.

RubyrooUK · 10/02/2012 21:48

hoppy how are you? Have been thinking of you and hoping that you are ok x

hoppy35 · 10/02/2012 23:25

Thank you ruby couldn't come back on this board till now re reading the post makes it feel like it happened minutes ago but it's been nearly a week starting to feel slightly better not as teary now but my husband has had time of work to help with our other children so maybe when he goes back I can sit with my thoughts and grieve a little if that makes sense I think a diary of sorts like you have done would help
I really can't express how much you helped me with your words that night but thank you for sharing what happened to you
This loss has made me appreciate my children more but made me a little hesitant about trying again is it to soon to even think that

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RubyrooUK · 11/02/2012 17:13

Glad things are a little better.

I am sorry you've had such an awful time but hope you get some time to do all the things you need to grieve. Look after yourself. X

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