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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Miscarriage,work and DH

4 replies

ladymalfoy · 05/02/2012 14:34

Right then. Currently miscarrying at 11 weeks. Got apt at hosp tomorrow to check etc. Feeling very fragile and sick but I think that's just normal. I really don't think I can face work at the moment and even though it's only another week til half term I don't think I can face being in the classroom. I don;t think I'll be able to concentrate and keep dashing out to change pads.
My husband has been married before and his ex suffered mmc. No kids.
He was of course happy we were expecting a DC but I've been rather underwhelmed by his sporadic undertanding.
I think he expects evrything to get back to normal rather quickly and he made a rather insensitive remark about when we could have sex again.
Last night he made a 'snow heart' but had accidently put his ex wifes initial in the heart. I know it was a freudian slip but it hurt to think that at a time when I need his support he was thinking about his ex even though this must be the forth or fifth time he's experienced a miscarriage.
What I really want to do is grieve and not have to worry that I'm being compered to anyone else and how they managed it. My mum is being v supportive and is coming with me tomorrow but I really wish my DH was a bit appreciative of what I'm going through.
Thanks for reading.

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Northernlurker · 05/02/2012 14:37

Shock the ex wife's initial??? Shock

How long have you been together?

I think you need to tell dh that you're sure he is hurting too but his reaction is breaking your heart. Then see what he says. If he doesn't step up a bit then you need to think very seriously about how good he is at meeting your needs - is he going to be there for you for the next 40 years?

Why isn't he coming with you tomorrow?

Of course you should stay at home from work!

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ladymalfoy · 05/02/2012 14:46

Hey NorthernLurker.
He's not coming because I don't think it occured to him. I've been rather stoic about the whole thing so far and I think it's led him to believe I'm actually ok. I was quite prepared to go on my own until my mum insisted she come with me.
He's busy painting at the moment. He started as soon as we got th BFP because he wanted it done in time. I'll wait til he's done then I'll have a chat.

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Northernlurker · 05/02/2012 14:53

Ok good luck with that Smile Some men deal better with this kind of thing than others. He may be really hurting - but you have to be able to face it together and draw on each other's strength.
If you want him with you tomorrow don't be afraid to ask him - and put your mum off if needed.

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ladymalfoy · 05/02/2012 14:59

Thanks! He was gutted on Thursday when it I thought it had started and we;ve had cuddles but I don't want him to think i'm a namby pamby for staying off work. I will know only if I ask.

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