Medical management- my experience.

[seaair]

If you're reading this, I'm very sorry, I think its possibly the hardest thing to go through and all I can say is that I know how you are feeling.

I wanted to share my experience in the hope that it might help somebody else who is in the horrible position of considering what to do after a mc. I took the medical management route- I know these forums were a great help to me.

I've had to mmc's now, my first baby was due in Jan12 and my second Aug 12.. I took the medical management route both times and yet had 2 very different experiences.

So here goes my first post- I'll give as much detail as possible so dont read if it will upset you!.

I had my first missed miscarriage in June 2011, we found out at 11 weeks that our baby had died at 7 weeks...

The hospital gave me 4 tablets which you dissolve under your tongue, within about 20 mins I felt very cold and started shivering- the first sign that the pills were working. I had to wait about an hour at the hospital to check that I didn't have a bad reaction, then I was the allowed to go home.

Within 3 hours the pain started to arrive, it was like having contractions and the worst pain I have ever experienced, I was given pain killers by the hospital but they didnt touch it. I spent the next few hours running to and from the loo, losing a considerable amout of blood each time. It was very upsetting for me and boyfriend- who held my hands on the loo, sharing the pain and the tears.

During the night I got through around three heavy duty sanitary towles. Day 2 the pain wasn't quite as bad, just like bad period pains, still heavy bleeding.

Day 3 the bleeding became lighter, and this was the day that I passed the gestational sac- our baby. I had no idea that this would happen- it felt about the size of a plum. I'm sorry to say that I was so shocked and upset that I didnt look, just flushed it down the loo and cried!. After that the bleeding became a lot lighter. It took about 3 months to get my cycle back to normal.

.........It took 5 months to get pregnant again and this time we lost our baby at 8 weeks- discovered at 10 weeks.

So back to the hospital, same 4 tablets and then home. This time the pain was much more bearable, I was waiting for the hidious experience to start, expecting it to be like the first....and it wasnt!.

Three days later and still only mild pain and medium blood loss. Then on the afternoon of the 3rd day I suddenly got a few cramps from nowhere, I went to the loo and the sac came out- again about the size of a plum (again, I didnt look).

Truthfully, if it happened to me again, (and I pray that it doesn't) I think I would go down the operation route. My first experience was terrible pain (and obviously emotional pain) and my second experience was so very emotional- walking around the house day after day with my dead baby inside me was equally traumatic.

Sorry if this is too detailed but I hope that it can help someone. My main point really is that everybody has a different experience and even the same person can have two very different reactions!.

It has been three weeks since my second mmc. Still very wobbly emotionally, and to honest I think of nothing else. At 37, the clock is ticking but I hope that the rest of 2012 is kinder, kinder to us all x

Seaair, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through this, and twice in such a short time

You're very brave to come on here and share your story, and let other women know what could possibly happen if they decide to use the same method

Its still very early days, so you will still be feeling very raw but it does ease.

Please be gentle to yourself, it sounds like you have a very supportive DP, lean on him, until you feel strong again

Thank you Imnotaslimjim for your lovely message and encouragement- it means a lot x

Hi Seaair, very very sorry to hear about your experience & your losses. Thanks for sharing your experience & I hope you are doing ok now. I am just over two weeks on from having medical management for my mc & my experience was horrendous (I have detailed it on another post on here) but the physical pain & trauma was awful. The emotional side is still unfolding but feel I am making slow progress. I had to change my calendar as I had marked on it how many weeks I would be & although I know exactly how far along I would have been, don't need to see it written down everyday. Do you have any other DC Seaair? I am lucky enough to have DTD's who keep me going. Like you I'm 37 so have started to think I will leave ttc but I would feel very different if I didn't have any children. I really really hope 2012 turns out to be a good year for you Seaair, thanks again for shaeing. xx

Hi loubloutwinmum, thank you for your message, it really does help to know that I am not alone!. so sorry to hear that you had such a bad experience, its like the final slap in the face isn't it- just when you think things can't feel any worse!.

Just like you I have put the front cover back over the calendar !!! - January was full of scan dates and even Feb had the 16 week scan date, completely agree- too painful to see, think my new year will officially begin in march (when i also turn 38 groan)!... funny to think you have done exactly the same thing- thought I was going mad!.

Sadly i have no other children (i'm guessing that's what a DC is!) so I do panic on an hourly basis that I have left it all too late... I'm back at work where I feel that I just 'exist', I come home, go to bed and lie awake half the night re-living the last three months. Feel like I've aged ten years.

On a slightly positive note, because of my age the hospital has agreed to refer me to a recurrent mc centre- I'm sure you've heard that you normally have to have three before they'll do anything..so just waiting for an appointment. Just wish I had a crystal ball that could tell me I'll get there eventually, instead of this daily feeling of sadness, loss and worry.

Thank you again for your message xxx

seaair it is such a relief to hear you are going through the same feelings & I'm not going mad! I too am 38 soon, in April. I feel like I've aged ten years too but I look like I have as well & have developed grey hairs seemingly overnight!!!!

I am so glad you are being referred & haven't got to wait any longer. DC does mean children & I can only imagine how you feel but try & stay positive. You have time left, it is not too late for you. How is your DH coping? Mine is still struggling with it all. Really hope you get some help & answers soon. Lovely to talk to you. xx

ahh lovely to talk to you too loubloutwinmum- we can be mad and old together!...

My other half, who never shows any emotion, has really struggled second time around. His answer to it all is to go off and thrash up and down at the swimming pool!... also, everybody asks how I am instead of how 'he' is too, i think men get forgotten in this.

He is much stronger than me, i do feel bad for being so sad all the time- its like I have the pretend happy face for work and then back home I slip back into heart broken mode- pretty draining for anyone to be around.. .. but i do feel that it has brought us closer together- its kind of me and him against the world, looking out for each other!

Our baby this time was due on the 5th August and I know that it's a date we will never forget.

Here's to a happy 2012, even if we do delay our start to the new year by a couple of months. wishing you the very best, you're most definitely not alone xx

Dear Seaair,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have just found out that at 8 +5 I lost the baby at about 6 weeks which would presumably be just after the early scan which dated me at 6 weeks and showed a heartbeat.

I had a private scan this afternoon (bleeding started this morning) which confirmed things and should be seen at an EPU in the morning as I might need Anti D injection and to discuss what happens.....

If it helps (and I do mean it, not a look at me arent I clever) I managed to concieve at 37, have my first at 38 and second concieved at 38 and delivered 3 months short of 40. With no MC, so it can be done!? Just luck running out I guess this time......

Hi seaair my DH sounds very similar to yours. I do think it is hard for them as so many people do not think how it effects them, it was their baby too. My DH has been a tower of strength but is very shocked it happened to us again after having a successful pregnancy. We are both talking about how we feel and trying to decide if we should try again or just leave things as they are! So confusing. I took a pregnancy test this morning as instructed by the clinic as it is 3 weeks today since I had the pills to start m/c. I got a negative result which is good but was also very sad to see a very clear "Not Pregnant" message! I feel sad that it is "over" now and there is nothing to show our baby ever existed! Our due date was 29th July which is my little nephews birthday who will only be 1 so expecting it to be utterly awful and then I can only be pleasantly surprised if it isn't as horrendous as I'm expecting.

Davidsmom so sorry to hear about your loss - I hope the treatment you get is good and it is lovely to hear about your other DC. Really hope you have lots of support to get you through the coming weeks, months and so sorry this is happening to you. I had to have anti-D injection too, stings a bit that one but pales into insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Hi Davidsmom

I'm so sorry to hear your news, we too heard a heartbeat at an earlier scan and I think it can make you feel even more sad and cheated. My thoughts are with you this evening, its horrible knowing that you have a tough few days ahead- on top of your grief, its like a kind of bereaved limbo.

When we went to the EPU the whole thing took about three hours- waiting to see nurses, having blood tests and waiting for doctors, the pills came at the very end..

For me it all felt very surreal at the EPU, I felt like it wasn't really happening and it shouldn't really be happening- I guess you spend those first few weeks protecting your baby and trying to keep it safe that you can't believe you are know looking at how you lose it..

Right now it is a horrible time but you will get through it!, in fact you might be surprised at how strong you can be- I certainly was (and I'm the worlds biggest worrier). Just take it an hour at a time.

Wishing you all the very best, lovely to hear that you had two babies in your late thirties- I'm guessing your hands are very full!.

Hi, (Long and TMI warning!)

Just to let you know my experience which wasnt as bad as I feared, well so far! Have posted this on another thread so apologies for anyone reading both.

The early pregnancy unit I went to at St Marys, Manchester were fantastic. I?d been booked for another hospital by GP for yesterday afternoon but had had some problems with them before and when phoned St Mary?s to check if they saw patients without a referral and spoke to a lovely receptionist who explained all about the opening times, what they offered etc and who told me I was very welcome to come I decided to try there in the morning instead. (Cancelled the other one!)

Had another scan and confirmed no heartbeat. They explained that because it was very small (4mm) their and Royal college guidelines say that technically it could be an early pregnancy and not the 8-9 week one expected by my dates. So no heartbeat could mean it hadn?t developed that far, not that it had stopped developing (if you know what I mean) Now there is no way it was a new early pregnancy as haven?t been near DH in that way. But because I had the 6 week scan report with me stating that there was an embryo at a size consistent with dates and a heartbeat at that time they ?deviated from the protocol? after checking with the consultant and accepted I could have treatment. So although upsetting that I saw heartbeat and LO died soon after there was a good side to having had the early scan. Otherwise they would have refused to treat and scanned me in a week. That would not have been good for my sanity.

As I was already bleeding and cramping I opted for the medical management and took the first tablet at 6pm. The cramps were already at about 5-6/10 and escalated to about 8-9/10 over the next 6 hours. The codeine helped (30mg) and although woke up at 3am a hot water bottle helped. The bleeding was bad but only really when I went for a wee. Plan was to return on Thursday for pessaries and to stay in hospital until had passed the pregnancy. They discussed all 3 options, natural, medical management and surgical management (ERCP). Choice was mine and no pressure for any particular option. All clearly explained and although I had to go back in the afternoon to get the tablet and anti D because the blood group test took so long overall was very good.

This morning I stopped having the cramps and started passing errr..?tissue? then this afternoon what was definitely the pregnancy sac. Did have a look but nothing really to see, probably as so early. The bleeding has reduced to what I would have as my heavy bit of a period.
Contacted the unit who have arranged a scan tomorrow morning and if nothing left can go home, if still ?stuff? then will have to go through with staying in. Am pretty sure its all gone but can see its best to make sure and get it all over with.

So not as horrendous as I expected although the pain was bad. I think I was well on my way anyway though and the tablet just got things going. Had been cramping for 2-3 days before I got the bleeding on Monday and as was supposed to be 8-9 weeks and LO only got to about 6 so suspect it was happening naturally over the few weeks before. On balance think I did the right thing with the medical management. Of course when the scan says there is still stuff and go through hell tomorrow may be eating my words and wishing I had gone for the ERCP

On the emotional side not doing so well though?

Glad to hear that the worst bit is behind you- well done- you've made it to the other side!. Your message just confirms again how everybody's experience is different- I'm sure writing about it will help other people out there trying to make the very difficult decision of what to do.

Fingers crossed you get an all clear, next comes the wait for a negative pregnancy test- very strange feeling- wanting a negative, and very sad as mentioned by loubloutwinmum, but it gave me a bit of peace to know that physically i was clear.

Emotionally, I'll be thinking of you, bursting into tears over the slightest thing is a common event with me- but I suppose its good to cry.....

A song came on the radio just when I was at the peak of misery- Folk would you believe- not my usual taste...but if you fancy a good wallow, i can recommend it, it's called 'lullaby' by Anna Elias- easy enough to find on google.

Just keep going an hour/ day at a time..

Well, all gone. Confirmed by ultrasound.
Was in first thing, but in the main antenatal scanning area-don't know why as the early unit had scan facilities. They were all v nice but it didn't help having ultrasound pictures on the walls. Suspect they just wanted to have something to decorate the place & wouldn't have given them a thought if hadn't had a MC but they showed 3D pics from 6 weeks upwards with a little description of what could be seen. Thanks.

Unfortunately I now have a migraine . Often get them hormonal lay triggered and wonder if the change in Hormones might have been a factor. Just can't find my Sumatriptan as didn't think I'd be using it for a while. Went to buy some overpriced ones over the counter & nearly had a fight with the pharmacy assistant.

Seem to be either arsey or a complete sobbing wreck in response to anything even mildly complex at the moment. Sudden hormonal changes, stress and grief not a good combination. Apologies for self pity!

Off to have a lie down & hopefully a kip.

So sorry to hear of all your losses. I'm 12 weeks on from a missed miscarriage, I found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks. It has got easier, but I have had the most awful PMS each cycle. Some kind person on MN warned me it might be like that, I would have thought I was going mad if I hadn't been forewarned.

I had the medical management but had quite a different experience, no pain at all. And I stayed in hospital for the whole day, which was definitely the best thing for me. The nurses were very kind and I felt very looked after. I just kept thinking 'we have to say goodbye now'. TBH I was in such terrible shock, I was bizarrely quite relaxed. It was completely different to a natural miscarriage that I had years ago - that was extremely painful and I went through that all at home, which was very frightening and messy.

Take good care of yourselves and be kind to yourself, I really rested for 3 weeks after the miscarriage and didn't do anything much at all. That helped me a lot. I couldn't even go into a shop for about 10 days, I was worried I couldn't cope with anything going wrong, or having to negotiate with anyone about anything. My life is back to normal now, but I still feel sad and quite anxious