Molar pregnancy- not sure what I'm feeling...

[RuByMaMa]

So, was told I had a molar pregnancy when I went for my 12 week scan yesterday. Think I'm okay, but then have occassional waves of sadness - probably due to those pesky bloody pregnancy hormones that are still zipping about my body. Tell myself I feel better knowing that I haven't actually 'lost' a baby and that it's a medical condition... I felt different this time compared to my pregnancy with my DD, where it all felt so real from very early on and I really bonded with her. This time I felt odd, like something really wasn't right and just didn't feel connected. Not sure why I'm posting on here TBH, just feel I need to share, so thanks for reading.

Oh fuck, ruby, I'm so sorry to hear this. Pesky pregnancy hormones or not, waves of sadness are just horribly, bleakly normal. What happens next for you, medically speaking? What are you doing tonight? Do you have someone with you, to help with your DD?

Thanks Northey... Am booked in for D&C on Monday and then the usual follow up for however long it takes afterwards where they measure my hormone levels.

DH working tonight and DD in bed now. Think it's harder for DH in a strange sort of way, although his response when I said that last night was 'I wish you'd worry about yourself for once'. Suppose I find it easier helping other people than myself, it just all feels strangely surreal at the moment and if I really stop and think about it, that's when I get upset. Maybe I should just stop and think about it...

Maybe you should. It's hard to know whether to stay in the nice protective surreality thing, or if that is just storing up sorrow for later. I chose not to make myself think about it, but found that it overwhelmed me sometimes anyway. Perhaps it's better to make yourself confront it right off. How are you feeling about Monday?

Am feeling quite matter of fact about Monday - again not sure if this is just me on auto pilot... Obviously not looking forward to the procedure itself but will be glad to get it over with. I hate the fact that I have a swollen belly but it's got nothing to do with a baby and that my boobs are still really sore. They're like a constant reminder... I had a MC a year before I had my DD and I dealt with it in a similar way although I feel in retrospect that it did effect me more than I realised at the time. I don't really know how to 'confront' it as every time I start to think about it I kind of switch off. It's hard with DD about too as I wouldn't want her to see me upset. Thankyou for your words Northey, I'm finding it does help just writing it all down.

For some reason the soreness of the boobs really got to me, I remember. It just seemed an unbearably cruel reminder, and one which I couldn't block out, because it was physical.

Maybe the procedure on Monday will be the catalyst you need in order to think about it and process it. You won't have your DD with you, and won't have the option of switching off so much, because you are there for something which is specifically about it. Will you be staying in overnight, or are they doing it as a day procedure?

It's a day procedure which will be done in the morning so providing the bleeding afterwards is ok I should get out that afternoon. You may be right, being by myself might well be when I get a chance to process it all properly... I've family and friends around and my DH is off the whole week as well so I have plenty of support about in that sense. I keep thinking about the worst case scenarios too, like needing chemo afterwards. I know it's a miniscule chance of it happening, but then so's having Molar Pregnancy in the first place. Just having something inside me that's not supposed to be there makes me feel so horrible.

:( But like you say, it's so unlikely. I do understand the nagging worry in the meantime though. Will they be able to say straight away whether or not you need chemo follow up?

Just checking in to say I hope you're doing ok, ruby, and good luck for tomorrow.

Thanks Northey. Am back now after surgery. Feeling ok, little bit crampy but nothing too bad yet. Thanks for your thoughts, means alot x

Hi RuByMaMa - just posting to say my thoughts are with you and I'm sorry for your loss. I had a complete molar pregnancy exactly one year ago (nearly to the day in fact). I won't pretend it was easy and it was pretty scarey at times but with the support of family and friends I got through it (and it sounds like you have those ). Try not to Google too much as I found the 'bad' stories were hugely disproportionate to the chances of needing chemo etc. If you need somewhere understanding to ask questions or let off steam, I really recommend the forum on www.molarpregnany.co.uk. Or there are a few of us ex-moleys on here, so ask away if you ever need to. Wishing you the best of health and happiness going forward. x