struggling to hang on

[2012louise]

I'm new to all this, but posting on here cos I don't know what else to do. I feel like I'm struggling to keep going so much that I'm drowning... not sure how much longer I can do it for.
Has a miscarriage at 8 weeks last year. Fell pregnant again, but the hospital didn't spot it was ectopic despite a scan and frequent visits in pain. At 9 weeks it burst and I was rushed to hospital and in for emergency surgery. We were told if we had left it another 2 hours to call an ambulance, they may not have been able to save me. - this was all complicated by the fact I was carrying twins. The other one was in the right place and has survived - Now I'm 21 weeks and feeling so confused, worried, scared - to the point i don't feel I can do it. I too am a surviving twin - my twin died at birth, part of me is worried that my baby will be as messed up as I am.
Added to everything I'm struggling to juggle, feeling rubbish with a full time job, a part time business and my involvement in sport. Don't know how to ease off. Have tried taking to my other half, but I don't think he understands.
I thought I was doing ok, but i'm getting worse - and when I feel bad, I scare myself and i'm worried about how down I am getting.

I don't expect anyone can help, I just don't know what to do - I feel so lonely and frightened

Hello, I just saw your message in active convos and didn't want you to go unanswered. I am so sorry to hear about your losses. From my own experience, being pregnant after a loss is one of the most anxiety inducing states you can find yourself in. So things which would normally feel very distressing feel even worse. I do not share the experience of being a surviving twin, that must be very difficult. Has your hospital arranged any counselling for you? I saw a counsellor after my miscarriages and during my pregnancy with DS and found it really helpful. Some of the things I needed to say sounded too crazy to talk about with anyone else, even though my family and friends were supportive. It might be worth asking if there is someone at your hospital.
When I was pregnant with DS I was so scared it would go wrong that at times I could hardly breathe. I still find myself near to tears thinking about it and he is three!
Take care and hang on in there.

So sorry for your loss.
I agree with Dances that you should ask to speak to a counsellor or if your not into that maybe have a chat with your mum (if that is possible) as she has been through a similar ordeal with losing one of twins.
Best of luck and I wish you the best for the remainder of your pregnancy
xx