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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Mmc 3 months ago,was coping but struggling now.

11 replies

sooz3101 · 06/01/2012 16:42

I had a mmc 3 months ago,I thought I was coping with it quite well but over Christmas I started to feel very down,to top it off my DH dropped the bombshell that he doesn't think we should try for another baby at the minute as he doesn't think I could cope..this was the only thing that was keeping me going and I was looking forward to a new year,and the hope of a new baby.

My sister had a baby on Wednesday and all Im hearing now is how lovely he is and how well she did during the birth and all I can think of is that that would have been me in a few months time. I have 3 children so I know I'm very lucky but I was so looking forward to completing our family with number 4.

OP posts:
Limelight · 06/01/2012 16:57

Poor poor you. This is so hard but it does does does get better.

I had an MMC 2 years ago - the scan was 11 Jan 2010 to be exact. I lost twins and was devastated. I've never got over it and certainly have never forgotten them. It is a devastating experience. In particular, I remember feeling incredibly guilty that I hadn't realised they'd died - like in some way I had let them down.

I also totally understand the difficulties when friends/family get pregnant and have babies. I burst into tears during a Sunday lunch when friends of ours announced their pregnancy four weeks after the MMC.

Re getting pregnant again. We started trying again really soon and we were pregnant again by Apr 2010. My head was all over the place but DH felt that I was going to find it hard whether we got pregnant immediately or after a gap. He was probably right I think. It was very very hard being pregnant again - I worried every single day and in some ways I feel like I had lost confidence in my own body.

Anyway, DD was born in Jan 2011 and she is wonderful. Sometimes I look at her playing with DS and realise that she wouldn't be here had my twins survived which is a bit conflicting. But I love all of my children, those who are with me and those who aren't.

You are strong and you will recover.

I hope that helps.

Countmyblessings · 06/01/2012 18:43

sooz - my deepest sympathy - in regard to your dealing and coping i understand how it hits you like waves- my mmc happened in June 2011 and it hit me real hard my close friends all pregnant and my due date was in dec 2011 it was very difficult and days after i couldnt face seeing my friends and their babies although before it wasnt an issue!!! now in 2012 im just holding on to the hope it will finally happen again for me! although been trying since august 2011!
i feel that i have been robbed of a child and will only be able to move on with another one! very silly but my hubby understand my need this will be baby 3 so i have got and im very grateful!

i hope things will get better and that people can understand how hurt your feeling still and a new bay around with all the fussing dont help right now! although your happy for your sister the pain for you is still so fresh!!!

all the best for you in the future xxx

Original poster
sooz3101 · 06/01/2012 18:54

Thank you both for your replies and I'm very sorry that you have also been through this. I was really hoping to be pregnant before the due date comes around which is beginning of May and also I will be 37 at the end of this month so I really didn't want to wait to try again.

Hopefully my husband will come around to the idea,I know I haven't been coping very well the last couple of weeks and that's why he's worried but it's just been all the celebrations of Christmas and then my sister having the baby that have really knocked me back.

OP posts:
Original poster
sooz3101 · 06/01/2012 19:05

And countmyblessings,good luck,hope it happens for you soon xx

OP posts:
Sazbrilla · 08/01/2012 01:24

sooz i mc in November of 2010 and it still hits at Xmas time. It was my second mc. My partner too has said he doesn't think we should try again just yet so I understand where you are coming from. Personally I think that they are trying to look out for us. It's hard for them to see us in so much pain when there is nothing they can do to take away that pain. Just allow yourself time to cope with your loss. That is the best advice I can give and one day hopefully soon your partner will agree to try again. I really hope this helps x

Original poster
sooz3101 · 08/01/2012 19:02

Thank you Sazbrilla and sorry for your losses also. I've decided to try not to stress about it too much and hopefully my husband will come round to the idea soon!x

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Angelgirl79 · 09/01/2012 14:10

Sooz, I know how you are feeling. My dd from my mc is today. No one else remembers and my DH is working away. I too really wanted to be pregnant by the time today came around but sadly am not. Time and keeping busy has helped but I just keep welling up at my desk at the moment. Colleagues are pregnant and I feel so jealous of all the planning etc. I know it will happen when it happens and obsessing about it doesnt help. Sorry to post such a wallowing message, just needed to get it out IYKWIM x

Original poster
sooz3101 · 10/01/2012 14:32

So sorry Angelgirl,its just horrible and it just seems like everyone is either annoncing they;re pregnant or just about to give birth at the moment!

Lets hope we all get what we're longing for soon,best wishes to you and thank you for taking the time to reply x

OP posts:
FloydieDoydie · 10/01/2012 17:33

Sooz, I am exactly the same - was due 7th May and mc at 11 weeks.

DP has also said he doesn't think we should try again yet and that he thinks I'm not "over" it. I've tried to explain that I will never be "over" it, and that every second I am not pregnant I feel like I am losing time.

He says that It's "not like getting a new puppy to replace one that died", and that he's devastated too. But he says he is worried that I couldn't cope if it all went wrong again. But the only guarantee of that would be to never try again. He says that he does want us to try again, but that I need to be stronger emotionally and in a better place in my head.

I understand he wants to protect me in this way, but the panicky feeling of not being pregnant is so much worse. Well, maybe. I don't know. Sad

I just want to be a mum.

Original poster
sooz3101 · 10/01/2012 19:23

Floydie,Im so sorry you are also going through this,my due date was 9th May so we must have been the same time.

I don't think any man can understand properly,I know it was their baby too but they don't feel the same. I think about it every day and the thought of having another baby was keeping me going.Time isn't really on my side and he doesn't seem to understand that.

I hope you can work things out and everything goes ok for you in the future xx

OP posts:
FloydieDoydie · 12/01/2012 01:55

Thanks Sooz, I wish the same for you. Time isn't on my side either, but I hope it all works out for us in the end.

x

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