Finding this week tough

[birdofthenorth]

Hi all. MC's last month at 11.5 weeks- have been feeling ok since but this Christmas week I have been hit by waves of sadness & disappearing off to cry. I think I was too busy before Xmas to take it in. A bit grumpy that DH gives me a hug then appears to forget about it, and almost no-one else has mentioned it. Anyway, I imagine I am not the only one who had images if how pregnant I would be at this stage (in fact I had already bought a maternity party dress & planned pg friendly menus), so I just thought I'd say hello, and me too, while I steal away for a little sob :-(

Hi just thought I would leave a message. I mc last November at 10 weeks and was devestated over the Christmas period. This year would have been our first family Christmas do it was a bit tough as well. Family members and friends usually don't know what to say and usually choose not to say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. They just don't want to upset you. I know it's hard for you and your family. Maybe sitting down and explaining that you could do with a little more support. Explain what is ok to talk about and what isn't and then they will be able to be there more. No one will ever forget about your little angel but they struggle to think of what to say as they know nothing will make it easier.

So sorry to hear your story

Was nearly in tears at family lunch today. Mc in April, baby would have been due a week ago, another mc in september. Think the hardware thing is that it's not talked about

Hardware? Sorry hardest

Sorry you are going through this.

I found out about my missed miscarriage more than two weeks ago and have opted for expectant management, so am in limbo waiting waiting for the real bleeding and pain to happen. I'm in the odd position of not having told people, so not being able to let my family know why I'm in such a foul mood. I don't want to ruin Christmas by telling them that the baby they didn't know about has died but that it's still stuck in my womb and I'm waiting for it to come out so that I don't have to have surgery next year. Anyway you put that, it's a massive downer.

I bloody hate Christmas this year with a passion.

My mc was a week b4 Xmas, at 12 weeks. Physically, I have fully mc now, but the continued period type bleeding and having to wear sanitary pads (not used these since i was 18) acts as a constant reminder of what has happened. I totally understand the need to sneak off to have a cry now and again.

I wish I had never told as many people, the sorrowful glances and tentative conversations about anything baby have been agonising over the last few days. I would much rather people unknowingly upset me and thought i was a bit moody than accidentally saying something which would otherwise be considered normal conversation then spending half an hour apologising and trying to make it better whilst making me look like an basket case.

There are a few people that we did/have not told which have noticed my absence/odd behaviour, but a quick, short 'I don't want to talk about it' then walk away, works wonders. I think most read this as being something emotionally upsetting and dropped it. Those that don't drop it I divert to DH who has no problem being the bad guy and telling to shut it, bugger off, etc.

Hi i m/c at 8 weeks in nov, only to be told by best friend 2 days later she was preg due the same time i would of been, i felt i couldn't tell her as i wanted to show joy for her but inside i was heartbroken.very few people new about m/c not even parents as i was going to tell everyone at xmas after scan,been finding it so hard over xmas,luckly been kept going with wonderful ds, feel i need to take time off work i work n/s as a nurse but my manager new nothing of preg feel likea fraud after 6 weeks asking for time off,but been unable to properly greave and feel i really need to.((((((hugs)))))) to everyone with a m/c loss

birdofthenorth I hear you with the "how pregnant I would have been" thoughts. Glad it's not just me doing that. I'm all about the, "maybe I would have started to feel the baby kicking this week."

Had a bit of a cry on Christmas day. One of my gifts from my Hubby was an L shaped pillow because I'm always moving my pillows when I turn over in my sleep. It was a lovely thought but as I opened it I thought he'd bought me a bump support pillow! Poor boy, he was totally confused as to why I was crying.

Hugs to all of you feeling sad this Christmas, hopefully next Christmas we will be on here moaning that all our relatives are drunk and we feel left out because we are very pregnant and sober.

So very sorry for all your losses its so hard and its hard to express your feeling sometimes to anyone who has not gone through it! MMC 14 weeks in June my due date is tomorrow so im so low right now and keep crying, locking myself in the toilet, bathroom so my family dont see me!!!!!! the pain has brought me back to when i heard the words "No heartbeat"
cant wait for this year to be done so i can draw a line under it all and move on!!

Hi bird of the north, just sympathy from me, so sorry to hear of your loss. we miscarried a couple of weeks ago, should have been 12 weeks, miscarried mostly natuarally, ended up in hospital, then needed pill and hoped it was all over physically. i think now the emotional upset is resurfacing as it was emotional when we heard we had miscarried but it then got onto physical pain etc and now we're reflecting on the emotional loss. i am too experiencing waves of emotion and upset, sometimes i feel strong, at completely random times i'm upset and crying. i've explained to my dh it's so odd being just me again, i'd spent 3 months really thinking about all i ate and drank, trying to be healthy, taking folic acid, not drinking and not lifting much, now it's all stopped abruptly and there are numerous reminders a day that i'm not pregnant anymore. so afraid there is no advice but i think i might understand what you are going through, thinking about you and hope it gets easier.

just had scan today and still have some proucts in my womb so might need pill again or d and c, back to physcial worries as well.

Hugahuddy - so sorry for your loss - yes emotions come in waves! i do hope that you make a full recovery really soon and find a way to make it through each day!
i get upset by the "pampers scan" advert and the "clearblue" ad now!!!!
how utterly stupid is that its only a advert but as soon as i see it i feel the raw emotions bubbling! my due date has passed now but the pain has not gone, i guess i was just hoping i would be pregnant again so would be distracted but no it has not happened yet and so my days just seem to drag one into another as i try to stay positive and when people asked me if im ok i say yeh im fine!!! feel like such a fake!!! but i know if i go into it people couldnt handle it!

to all -i guess just trying ways to get through each day is how we are expected to cope!!!!!

thanks for your thoughts, i seem to think all tv shows have something about someone being pregnant. it might not be healthy but i'm trying to distract myself with projects, we might move house, unfortunately i'm not tied to my job anymore, so might job hunt, i like crafts so thinking of things to make, rearranging the house etc. i got told we can't try again yet, found that hard, more projcts and distractions needed, hope you find something that works for you. i found it hard going back to work and people didn;t know why i was off and were asking if i was 'better'. polite smile and felt like i was betraying our little ones memory saying 'yes, better thanks', but just wanted to move on from the topic and they can't help it as they don't know, plus like you say, people can't handle it out of the blue, especially as i often cry talking about it out loud. the very very best of luck with your future, kep faith it will work out. x

I have found baking a massive distraction, and then eating it a massive comfort also!!

Christmas is a mixed blessing, in one hand a welcome distraction and opportunity to delay facing awkward questions from colleagues about missing Christmas parties. Then, on the other hand, a chlostraphobic series of gatherings with friends and family with young children, babies and pregnant bellies where we had planned to announce our happy news and instead we get questions and hints about starting our own family.

My midwife called today to book my 16 week appt and 20 week scan. No idea that i miscarried over a week ago. This occurred in the middle of a party at my house so nowhere to hide. Brilliant, thanks for that stark reminder NHS. Good to know the system works.

Oh yeah, on a bit if a downer and felt the need to rant. Sorry.

that sounds horrid. my prospective midwife called a week after i got out of hospital from miscarrying to arrange booking appointment, all jolly. it was my first day back at work and i said what i'd happened and i'd been to see the GP, she was very very apologetic but once that knife has been stuck in you can't take it out without feeling the damage, however sorry she was, you'd think it would be worth checking notes before making these calls.

hope you are feeling a bit stronger, my friend gave me some lovely advice and said 'just smile when you want too', what a lovely patient friend, liked that. xxx

Hi and welcome into a new year full of hope and a future in which we will be getting some well expected good news!

so very sorry babyintheovenfor that very thoughtless call from your midwife! with all the techno these days surely something should of been put on the system to avoid the upset and just bad timing also! it happened to me i had a letter for another scan i was horrified and cried all day!
Hugahuddyagreed about the knife very hard after its just been stuck in - the pain is very real!

i am full of high hopes this year and hoping for good news real soon for me which has got me totally excited! really hope the same for you all whoever is ready for tht next step!

I just wanted to send all of you hugs, sympathy and understanding.

I mc-ed in 2010; LO would have been one this month. I still cry about it (usually in the shower when no-one's around) but wanted to tell you all that it does get better. The sadness and pain remains, but gradually, very gradually, it becomes more bearable.

I totally sympathise with those of you who look jealously at pregnant ladies. I found myself wandering into mothercare on numerous occasions, seemingly just to upset myself! I also empathise with the feeling that other people just don't understand. My DP was away in Afghanistan when I mc-ed and I still don't think he quite gets how scarred I was by the whole thing (it was obviously awful for him being so far away and unable to help, but he was spared all the realities iyswim) Luckily I have an amazing mum and best friend so I tend to talk to them about it more than him. Please make sure you find someone who will listen, even if you suspect they don't 'understand'

On the plus side, I got pregnant as soon as I was allowed to try again (mc-ed for complicated medial reasons & was told not to expect to conceive) and now have an adorable 5 month old. I'm hope you will all be equally blessed when you feel well enough to try again.

Take care xx

This time last year a was going through this and my heart really hurt. It takes a long time to heal. And it took me a lot longer than my DH. It does come in waves: the first subsequent period is hard, particularly if you ttc again, getting PG again is scary, scans are scary if you had a MMC like me ( discovered at 12 weeks).

I am sitting here with a 1 week old baby on my shoulder. He wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for all that I went through, which has made my pregnancy a bag of nerves. But he's out now, ad safe.

It takes time to heal. Whether it's a secret or not, you heart still aches. Even peop,e that know forget before you do.

Hang in there, it gets easier with time. I know what you are going through.

for that Truth & Cold i'm not pregnant yet, so its hard to thing it will happen soon but im hoping new year and fresh new hopes - your stories give me hpe it can and will happen and i will fix my broken heart!

Hey all,
It is good to hear some happy endings on a thread like this and thanks all for the support also.

I thought I had gotten through the worst of the emotional stuff, but today i spent the day at a baby shower, where two of my close mates also announced their pregnancy and 3 of the other girls proudly stroking their bellies. It is so hard to keep the crazy in. All I want to do is crawl back into bed again and cry.

After hearing so many success stories about peeps getting pg again straight away we have started ttc again although it is hard to strike the right mood when still dealing with all this heartache.

Sorry to get all moany, but as I said above, I am struggling to keep the crazy in and I need to vent somewhere! Soz.

Fingers crossed for everyone in the coming months when i will hopefully be looking out for you on cheerier threads. Xxx

It took me a few ( painfully long!) cycles to conceive again, but I think it gave me time to mourn. I hope it happens quickly.

In the meantime you will have to hear other people's happy news. It's so hard and you are allowed to cry.

I wish you quick healing, over time or with a new pregnancy.