confused, potential miscarriage and work/sick day hassles

[hugahuddy]

my 12 week scan was brought forward as i'd had dark bleeding, cramps and passed clots. it doesn't seem to be good news, slow or no development. was thinking scan would confirm but they need to do another to confirm in a week. i thought i'd passed the foetus in clotting but it's still implanted to expecting a natural miscarriage or decision about a procdure, both of which i;m finding frightening.

i've had 3 days off sick, husband has phoned in sick for me. gp been great and said he'd write a sick note if i need time off work. feel in limbo till next scan, feel i might start to miscarry any moment and don't feel i want the drive to work or to be in work if it happens but this might just be soft.

i don't want work to know why i'm off sick. also my boss mentioned to my husband about wanting to know if i have any work to cover. i haven;t spoken to anyone but my husband all week, can't even talk to mum and family as get so upset. i emailed boss to say i had a meeting today feeling this was responsible as really don't give a damn about work at the moment.

boss emailed back saying i had to phone in, can she make me call her, she said the policy said emails are not good enough, i don't want to speak to her, i don't want her to ask me what's wrong. any advice?

Of course it's fine to ask - my potential miscarriage is 8 in Feb, and very well thank you - despite a consultant who told me I was almost certainly miscarrying. I had bleeding in both my pregnancies - it's just how I roll! It sounds like you're getting some very relevant and pertinent advice here, by those who understand public sector policies so will keep out of that. What is your boss normally like - sounds like HR aren't going to be much help If your GP is being sympathetic, they can probably be pretty flexible about what they put on your sick note & how long it applies for, I think (although they may say a week and then go back for another week)

thank you so much for the support. after all that worry i called this afternoon, thought i would say as little as possible and just answer exactly what was asked. she didn;t get to ask what was wrong. i said i'd been to see gp and have hospital appointment next thursday and that i didn;t know if i would be in next week but would get a sick note if not, all the time i was figting back blubbering with a shaky voice and she said thank you for calling and we'd talk next week. still not sure about whether to admit to pg/mc due to HR woman worries, was going to say gynae stuff, but can relax now and over the weekend and see how i feel on Monday.
thankyou ladies, such invaluable advice and perspectives.

thanks funny, that's great news all turned out well. i spoke to the mw as well today to go over what the scan said as i was confused. she was great, i asked about options if next weeks scan is not good news, she said there is a list on friday for d&c, i'm a little concerned about whether that would be too soon, just in case there is a resilient little monkey in there, as in your case :) i guess i'll have to wait and see how it goes, no pain or clots in 2 days now, just a very small amount of brown spotting, giving me hope....

glad your conversation went well. And fingers crossed that your lo is a resilient monkey too - do keep us updated. xx

WRT the policy- does it contain a caveat saying that you must speak to the person 'where possible' or something similar?

It's just that if you'd been run over, were unconscious or had certain mental health issues, they would not be able to speak to you, so the 'policy' would be redundant.

What I'm trying to say is that there are clearly exceptions to the policy- why should your case not be one?

thank you so much for the messages, can someone tell me how i get to private messages??

i had a miscarriage, mostly naturally earlier in the week, went to hospital for pain relief and had lost a worrying amount of blood. spoke to boss this morning and she said i can just tell her the issue so have deceided to ask gp for sick note stating miscarriage and will trust that my boss won't tell anyone else, it will definitely help me get on with work if no one else knows, really compartmentalise it. thank you all so much for your support and if anyone has any luck to send would be gratefully received, once recovered am hoping we might be lucky enough to start a family next year.

hug I have been watching for news about you and I'm sorry to read about this. I lost my third pregnancy around this time too last year. It is so awful to have it happen near Christmas. My deepest sympathies are with you as I would not wish that anyone had to go through it.

MN is a great support as you find that there are many women who are going through the same thing as you as it can be so isolating in real life when you don't know of anyone who has been through what you have been through.

I hope that your next pregnancy is successful.

thank you LAF, thats so kind and you are right about MN support. I'm actually glad about Christmas, i'm going through the motions a bit but have a tree and got some cards today, welcome distractions. i'm really hoping we get some good karma and a little bundle in 2012. x