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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

miscarriage advice, please help

10 replies

skinnygirlfat · 07/12/2011 16:37


i have never posted online before but have lurked regularly for various reasons since becoming a mum. please excuse any unintentional bad etiquette on my part.

my lmp was on 9th oct and i did a pregnancy test early nov which was positive. my husband and i were really happy, having had a miscarriage in june.

because of the miscarriage, i've been jumpy but not too bad. i've felt different. with the last pregnancy i cried all the time & felt negative, even asking a friend if there was such a thing a pre-natal depression. this pregnancy has been more like my first (successful one), in that i have felt great.

this time round i have had mild cramps & at 6 weeks my doc referred my to an epu. to be honest, i didn't really think anything was wrong, it was more for reassurance. the sonographer said that i was looking like i was more like 5+3 and so a heartbeat could not be detected. she said that this was normal & that my cycle could be longer than 28 days - i know i sound stupid but i breastfed for 14 months then got pregnant 3 months after that, then miscarried at 12 weeks in June then got pregnant again so haven't really had the chance to work my cycle out. anyway she told me to come back a week later.

i was scanned again last fri and told that the baby had not grown as much as expected and that although there was a heartbeat, it was slow. to be honest i was flabbergasted. i didn't even ask how small or what the heartbeat was, i just cried whilst she said how sorry she was and told me to come back this friday.

i have been through the whole range of emotions and feel like crying all the time. i have read a million things online and know that so many women go through this and that i am probably going to miscarry but i keep holding on to any remote positive hope. my husband is great and very supportive but i am too scared to talk about any eventuality whilst there is a heart still beating.

i am not bleeding but started cramping today. nothing major, just like period pains but i remember that this is how things started before and i am terrified. my last miscarriage was natural and a horrific experience. i have called my gp but she says there is nothing she can do to help and that the epu is now closed until tomorrow morning anyway.

i am petrifed of having a natural miscarriage tonight & don't know what to do. we had to get an ambulance last time & my experience in a&e still makes me cry & i was admitted to hospital... at the same time, i have read that having a d&c can effect my ability to concieve again. is it true that i have to wait longer after a d&c before trying again?

i realise it's probably pointless but i started taking 75mg aspirin this week as i read that i could be miscarrying due to my blood being too thick. i will be heartbroken if i discover i have lost two babies due to something that could have been easily prevented, does anyone know about this and have any advice on when you are supposed to start taking? before concieving or as soon as you find out you are pregnant? i don't think i can go through 3 miscarriages before trying something.

sorry, i know i am blurting everything out but i am so scared and confused and i just don't know what to do. i know that i am blessed to have my beautiful little girl and she makes this all that bit easier but i am still just desperately sad for what could have been.

thank you for reading x

OP posts:
cher31 · 07/12/2011 17:22

I know how this feels to be scared of both the emotional and physical pain of miscarriage. Just wanted to offer some practical advice. Phone the EPU they should transfer you to another dept or phone the hospital and ask for the gynae ward. The doctors and nurses there may be able to see you and avoid A&E. They are usually good at offering advice esp if your in pain. If you are struggling with the pain take paracetamol it won't cause any damage. Lastly all miscarriages are different so if this does turn out to be another one it may be completely different to your last. Sorry you are experiencing this. I am just recovering from an ERPC for my third miscarriage at 12 weeks. I have previously had a natural miscarriage at 10 weeks and medical management for miscarriage at 9 weeks. I am here if I can answer any questions. Good luck

skinnygirlfat · 07/12/2011 18:11

thank you so much for your response cher31. i am so sorry to hear that you have had 3 miscarriages. i am losing my mind at 2 so can only imagine how hard these losses must be for you. i really hope that now that you warrant further investigation, you'll get some answers and will be able to go on to have a successful pregnancy.

the cramping has subsided somewhat so i am going to try to see how tonight goes and go back to the epu in the morning. incidentally, i only get voicemail when i call their number anyway. great advice re: calling gynae ward, i will definitely do this if anything happens overnight, anything to avoid a&e.

i know it sounds pathetic but for some reason (blind hope?) i was too scared to take anything last time so thanks for the reassurance.

i'm sorry if this question is too personal and understand if you'd prefer not to answer but is there a reason you went for an erpc this time over natural or medically managed? did you find it an easier experience? sorry, easier isn't the right word but i can't think of what is. i understand personal experiences are different but i am trying to weigh my options. my hospital doesn't offer medically managed and last time i was booked in for a d&c with no discussion of what my options were or what a natural miscarriage entailed & what might happen if things happened naturally overnight (which they did).

thanks again

OP posts:
cher31 · 07/12/2011 20:15

Hello skinnygirl I am happy to answer any questions and infact it helps to talk. I chose to have the ERPC for various reasons. First and foremost I wanted the 'product' to be tested so needed it as intact as possible. I did not want to be in pain or have the long recovery period with retained products as before with medically managed. I did not want to see what I saw when I had a natural and be in the next room to my daughter trying hard not to scream. Also thought as I had had the other two I should experience all three so I know what to choose if it happens a fourthSad
On a more positive note it sounds good that your cramping has calmed and as I'm sure you know can be perfectly normal. Take care of yourselves and good luck for tomorrow

skinnygirlfat · 08/12/2011 11:48

i have lost the baby. i went to the epu this morning as i have that dragging feeling and they confirmed that there is no longer a heartbeat.

cher, thank you so much for the honest response, i can't tell you how much it means. is the "product" always tested after an erpc or is this only the case after you have suffered three times?

i know it's common and that people experience a lot worse but it just feels barbaric that women have to endure this three times before getting help. i feel so helpless about it all.

i so hoped to be the exception to the rule. i couldn't help but think that perhaps i might be told that the heartbeat had got stronger and the baby had grown but this wasn't the case.

they say that i measure about 6 weeks (i should be 8) and couldn't see a heartbeat (there was a slow one last week) and also that my uterus is an irregular shape so could be collapsing. i know i am clutching at straws but is there no hope?

i have booked a d&c for tomorrow morning as i am so scared of it happening naturally again.

i spoke to the sonographer again about the aspirin and she said that their epu is actively telling women who have had 2 miscarriages to start taking aspirin as soon as they find out they are next pregnant. she even told me where to buy it from without having to ask otc. she also said that it was unlikely to be my problem as i have already had a successful pregnancy but that it would not hurt (at the very low dose) to try. has anyone else been advised this by their epu? i am confused as got even a leaflet saying NOT to take aspirin. i am seeing a consultant tonight so will ask him (i have had to book my d&c privately as could not get an nhs appt until wed).

i am so confused and can't believe that this is happening to us again. i am frightened of the d&c, frightened of getting pregnant again. i just don't know what to think, i can't stop crying.

cher, thank you again for being there for me. it may not seem so but means more than you can realise and i so apprecaite it

OP posts:
skinnygirlfat · 08/12/2011 20:51

i feel sick and my breasts have started to hurt. is this normal? i lost all pregnancy symptons when i miscarried before, i keep thinking what if they are wrong. i've had no bleeding at all and am booked in for an erpc tomorrow.

my womb is tilted, could this affect the accurancy of a scan?

what if my cycle is longer than i thought? is it possible to be out by 2 weeks?

OP posts:
cher31 · 08/12/2011 22:45

skinnygirl so very sorry you are going through this. If you have any doubts ask/pay for another scan. I'm sure you will want it over and done with ASAP but the doubt may linger and last a lifetime. Do not rush yourself no physical harm will come from waiting another week. If I'm honest it doesn't look good but you know that however you need to know 100%
take care. I'll keep checking back x
Regarding the products they are always sent for some basic test but do not test for chromosomal abnormalities unless it's your third. Don't get me going on this though as we have been contacted today by the docs who have apologised for not sending for the correct tests despite ongoing reassurance that they would (new thread topic when I have energyAngry)
take care

skinnygirlfat · 08/12/2011 23:21

Thank you cher. I have been lying in bed crying & hitting refresh hoping that someone is out there, am glad its you.

I know that logically its not good I just don't know if I am ready to face it. Have pretty much just blown up at my husband for daring to suggest that the docs know what they are talking about. Wish I never starting reading about misdiagnosis online, feel like I'm going mad but don't know if I'd forgive myself for acting this quickly, despite being completely contrary & not wanting to go through a natural experience again.

I am so sorry to hear that the docs have messed up with your recent tests. You are clearly going through a lot right now and so I'm sorry if I seem self involved. It is heartwarming to know that their are people like you out there who help others, even in their own times of need. For that at the very least, you deserve more children & I wish you all the best.

I'm going to try to sleep & see how I feel in the morning. Thanks again cher x

OP posts:
juuule · 09/12/2011 16:53

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, skinnygirl.
Two scans a week apart with no progress and a slow hb which is no hb a week later doesn't look good at all.
If you need more reassurance tell the doctor when s/he comes to visit you when you are admitted. S/he might be able to explain how they have come to the conclusion they have and that might reassure you or maybe you will be sent for another scan. Talk to them. You need to feel reassured you are doing the necessary thing.

I always opted for the erpc as I didn't want the risk of infection which might affect future fertility. And once I knew the pregnancy had ended then I wanted to be able to be on the other side as quickly as possible so that I could move on. Several erpcs had no effect on my fertility or ability to carry to term (all were overdue).
I have had several m/cs. Had 2 in row twice with the 3rd pregnancy being viable resulting in a baby. It is because it is not that unusual to have 2 m/c in a row that investigations are not usually done at that point. Having 3 in a row is more unusual and so merits investigation. It isn't that the medical profession are sadistic that they make you wait until 3 in a row. Although, I know it does feel like that at the time.
Good luck and I hope you find the reassurance you need.

Cher31 Sorry to hear of your losses. I hope you get some answers.

Have you looked at the Miscarriage Association site. You might find some helpful information there.

skinnygirlfat · 12/12/2011 13:40

thank you for your message juuule. i had the ercp in the end but not before a complete breakdown at the hospital on fri morning which consisted of me talking to the consultant and women at the epu again as i was so desperately worried they had made a mistake.

the consultant said afterwards that he had no doubt it wasn't a viable pregnancy. i just feel so lost.

it's reassuring to hear that you were able to have a happy outcome after 2 miscarriages juuule, i am so frightened of this happening to me again.

i have become almost paralysed with fear about things happening. i feel like i am going mad. my daughter has a cold and i am neurotic. i woke up crying in the night, frightened that i am missing something. i know how insane i sound and i am crying as i type this but i am terrified my run of bad luck is going to continue and i becoming my own worst enemy, playing things over and over in my head. i wish i could just stop thinking like this.

OP posts:
cher31 · 12/12/2011 21:35

Hi skinnygirl. Sorry to hear it wasn't good news for you. Take care over the coming days/weeks.
Again can completely relate to your worries re your dc. My little girl was thrown off her horse and we found ourselves back in the same hosp just 2 days after ERPC. Fortunately she was ok but I've never been so scared. Trying to reevaluate things and focus on being lucky ie lucky I survived the ERPC, lucky I didn't have make any decisions about a pregnancy that was destined not to be, lucky my little girl wasn't seriously hurt etc. It's not working at the moment but hopefully soon I will be able to find more positive good luck moments. Keep in touch

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