Early and abrupt miscarriage - advice for dealing with emotions

[jamiesam]

Title says it all really. I had a very sudden miscarriage on 22 December in the middle of the night. At home, on the toilet (sorry, tmi). Scan the next day confirmed all gone so no need for any treatment etc.

Because I was only 9wks and 5 days, hardly anybody knew I was pg and so couldn't tell anybody that I'd m/c. So I have been 'happy' all christmas and new year.

Cried for only the 3rd time since m/c yesterday when I phoned EPAU at hospital to discuss an appt they'd offered to discuss what happened. I can't really do this, so have cancelled.

But I'm afraid that when I go back to work on Monday it might all go horribly wrong - when I left work on 21 December I was delightfully, secretly and so happily pg. I fear I've coped by not thinking about it. Actually, just typing this has helped a lot and I think I might try writing a 'birth story'.

Given that I don't want to 'chat' about what's happened, is there anything else I can do, any coping mechanisms, or any advice at all.......?

Hi Jamiesam,

Big, big, hugs sweetie..

I don't know how much advice I can give on coping other than tell you what I am going to do. I only passed my baby this morning (9 weeks), so I probably am due for a few breakdowns over the next few weeks, and really am noone to be giving advice...but anyway...

I am planning to go to a garden centre tomorrow and get some bulbs to plant up in a pot. I am hoping they will come up nice in the spring or the summer and it will be a nice memorial when hopefully I will be feeling better. Just planning this has sort of made me feel better. It seems something concrete we can do to mark the passing.

It was suggesting this to my dp that brought it home to him - maybe if you do this with your dp it will focus him on it? I want to make a day of it, so we will go and pick out the type of bulb/colour together to make it more special and personal and plant it up together so we can feel like we are saying a nice goodbye.

Have you asked him how he feels about it now?

I also reckon you should let yourself wallow in it when you feel it overwhelming you, because you have lost a baby and grief/desolation is a natural and healthy reaction.

Good luck - you are certainly not alone.

Rubles, it's so kind of you to be giving me advice. I'm so sorry about your m/c.

I've decided to definitely go with the idea of buying a plant for my mums grave. Dad has pretty much covered it in grass now, but I'm sure I can think of something that I can add without making a maintenance problem for him. Although as I type, I wonder about maybe adding some bulbs too. Baby due end of July so maybe something for then?? Thanks for the great idea.

Feeling much brighter than yesterday. Big thanks to everyone who's had such kind thoughts/great ideas. Must try to stop remembering landmarks (ie 13 weeks tomorrow). This will pass.