Sister has lost her baby and I need urgent advice...

[lostandhelpless]

My sister has been for a check-up today and found out that she has lost her baby. She has been given a pill to induce today and has to go back again on Sunday. It seems that she has been bombarded with questions about seeing baby, etc and both she and my brother-in-law are understandably devastated. I've spent the afternoon with her and it has been truly heartbreaking, they have suffered MC's previously but never got as far as the 16 weeks she had reached.
Since arriving home I've been thinking about the awful experience that she is going to have to go through at the hospital, having never experienced this and not knowing anyone else I wanted to ask a few questions.
Is it completely out of the question for me to go out and get a nice shawl/blanket and maybe a little teddy or something? I know in their sudden grief they won't think about this and I don't want her to think after the birth that she has nothing there. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I'm being totally... I don't know what I just know I can't think straight and I want to do something. Please can anyone give any advice?

I'm so sorry for your loss

I think your idea is a lovely one, yes, I would do it. As you say, she won't be in the right state of mind to do this herself and it will be nice for her to think there is something comforting with her baby.

So sorry, again.

Thank you DaydreamDolly, I think I will go out tomorrow and choose a nice blanket and a small teddy bear, I would need to find a really tiny one or a small comforter. Its heartbreaking.

So so sad to read this

Yes, I think that is a very thoughtful idea

• and I'm sure she will be glad you

Did. So sorry for your sister's loss

Absolutely lovely idea. My loss was earlier (11 weeks) but I would have been so touched if someone had thought to do something like this. I did actually buy a tiny teddy to keep with the few documents I have from that pregnancy.

I'm sorry you're all going through this :(

Does anyone know where I can find a really tiny teddy? I have found some teddies online but they aren't going to arrive in time :(

How about Clintons?

Do you think it would be too much if I got something that she could keep part of too? Maybe one of those charms you can break in half? She was thinking about cremation rather than burial though.

Sainsburys or Tescos tend to do small, pocket money type teddies.

It is truly heartbreaking

The charm is a lovely idea too. What a caring sister you are.

Do you think the hospital will be used to this kind of thing? I don't want to do this for her and then have her made to feel bad about it?

Please can anyone advise about the blanket? Does anyone know where you can get something really small?

Perhaps something for a dolly? I'm thinking somewhere like Toys R Us that may do a range of baby doll accessories. I'll have a think.

That's a very thoughtful idea. I have just mc'd at 11+3 and a sweet permanent keepsake would be very helpful. All I have is two pregnancy tests & my medical notes, & several (lovely, thoughtful) bunches of flowers which too will die in a week or so

You sound like a lovely sister. Just go with your gut x

How sad.

Lisa's Stars, a charity (on Facebook) provide outfits and teddies for babies lost at this stage, may be worth checking what they have.

Have you heard of SANDS? There might be some helpful advice/support on their website. You sound like a very loving and caring sister. Your ideas are lovely.

Hi, as someone who miscarried at 17 weeks, I think this is a lovely idea. I wanted to acknowledge that my baby was a real part of my family that had been lost. I think if your sister feels like I did, whatever you do along these lines will be of comfort to her. A very kind an thoughtful friend sent me a birth stone for the month I miscarried, and I treasure it to remember him.

I had medical management at 14 weeks. The hospital passed the baby to the funeral directors. We had a burial. The hospital explained that there wouldn't be any ashes. Having a burial also allowed us to have a private service and not totally exclude the grandparents as we all have somewhere to go. ( have not returned as yet).

The teddy idea is lovely. I bought 2 from sainsburys and kept one for us. I took one to funeral directors a few days before the burial.

Practical things for tomorrow - mags chocolate airfreshner (bedpans grrr) pop etc. My dp also bobbed home and got me a hot water bottle. That was a godsend. The worst thing was fear of the unknown. (tmi) I had pesseries at 10am. Didn't have much bleeding continued with meds and codeine. At 6 My waters broke the pain stopped and I passed everything very quickly. If you had asked me at 5.55 I would have thought we were in for the long haul. Advise your sister to ask for any pain killers before she needs them as I had to wait for them to kick in. I stayed up and about went for coffee think that may of helped speed things up a bit.

Choosing so see the baby - dp declined I saw enough when I "checked" the bedpan. I asked the hospital to take some photos and keep them on file in a sealed envelope. I don't think I will ever feel the need to see them. I found choices were easier if I could leave my options open, decide at the time and change my mind at any point.

How has your sister getting on?
Thinking of you all xx