What to do about work?

[birdofthenorth]

Hi all

How long is ok to take off work? MC today at 11 weeks. Told one colleague who is a friend who has "got cover for you today & tomorrow". But might have ERPC or medical management later in the week and may still be bleeding heavily into next week (as well as being a tearful mess).

It's an office job, no-one will die if I am not there. How long is "normal" to take off? Are there guidelines anywhere?

Thanks xx

I don't believe there are guidelines, and it really depends how it goes both physically and mentally. I had a v. straightforward miscarriage at 8 weeks with no medical management and didn't miss any time off work (happened at a weekend. Didn't want to dwell on it), another colleague was off for nearly two weeks (generally reported as a 'nasty bug that hung around' or something to most people for confidentiality, I just happen to know her well).

Sorry for what you are going through.

I don't think there are guidelines. I took two weeks off for my first miscarriage, as did another more senior person at work who miscarried at the same time as me (I think she took slightly over 2 weeks but she was very poorly due to severe blood loss). For my second miscarriage I took a week and a half off, but that was slightly different as it was a mmc of a twin so they couldn't do ERPC so it was more allowing me time to get my head around what was happening.

Sorry for your loss bird of the north.

I found out I had a missed miscarriage at my dating scan on 4 November and will be returning to work this Friday, so had 3 weeks off in all - as it was a missed miscarriage I opted to wait a while to see if things would happen naturally. With no sign of the miscarriage starting I then opted for an ERPC which I had last week.

I think that you should take however long you feel you need, there are no rules and everyone is different. You need to put yourself first at this difficult time and do whatever feels right. Perhaps make an appointment to see your doctor and discuss getting signed off for a bit, if you feel that's what you want.

I took almost two weeks with my MMC but needed longer really. I stayed off before my ERPC and then went back to work almost straight away. Physically I was ok but emotionally it was too, too soon.

I also told my boss why I was off but the note from the hospital just said surgical procedure I think.

Sorry for rushed reply, just to say don't feel you have to go back too soon x

Thank you everyone. Very helpful replies. My colleague/ friend who knows is still emailing me time critical stuff to respond to which I think is a bit insensitive I am ignoring it, may get DH to ring in & explain I will not be fit for work til at least next week. Only just decided on a ERPC so will see when they can fit me in this morning.

You will need to get a sick note. 2 weeks is a reasonable guideline. It will be a few days before you can have your EPRC perhaps, and you will want to be off for a bit after that too. Today and tomorrow is ridiculous, I guess that person really has no idea. Please do get your DH to phone them up and explain that they are to please leave you alone, you will not be responding to phone and email as you have just lost a baby. I think it is awful that they are expecting you to do stuff. They need to be told to stop.

Personally, 2 weeks would not have been enough for me. However my body decided on miscarrying during school holidays each time so I didn't have to take much sick leave. Some people prefer to get out of the house a bit quicker, but if you are having surgery, you will need to rest at home for the 48 hours after it.

As I say, you will probably need to get a sick note as your absence is almost certainly going to be longer than the 4 days you can self certify. Doctors will be quite happy to do you one for two weeks, that will cover you for waiting for the ERPC and the week after the operation to recover. Some people need less time, some people need more. But put yourself first, work can manage without you and you need to recover, and you need the chance to grieve. If you don't want them all to know you can get "gynaecological procedure" on the note, but it sounds like you have told work already so it doesn't make much difference.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope the ERPC goes smoothly and you have a quick physical recovery.

So sorry to hear what you are going through, its the hardest thing.

My experience took over 2 weeks until I was finally told I had m/c, I took a Friday and Monday off during the worst part of the bleeding and went back to work on the Tuesday telling my boss (in tears) I had a kidney infection...he knew at the time that wasn't strictly true but said to tell him in my own time what was going on etc. Was a bit of a mess at work but felt that for me personally I was better in work trying to be normal than being on my own at home.

If my dp was able to take time off or I lived nearer my mum I think I would have taken longer off, but dp had to work and my mum was on holiday so I just thought I'd try and get through being in work, and it worked out OK for me but everyone is different.

You shouldn't be being contacted by your colleagues about work issues - turn off your mobile, and don't look at emails if you can help it. Going through this is such a harrowing, personal time and you have enough on your plate without having to worry about work.

Take care of yourself and deal with this in YOUR way xxx

I think it also depends on your job. I teach teenagers so putting on a brave face and dealing with the stresses of the job would have been impossible. Some jobs allow you to take things at your own pace a bit more.

So sorry for your loss. I had 6 weeks off after a Mmc I had to have mm at 14 weeks (long story baby died at approx 13+3). We wanted to wait til after the funeral. That was then a very dark week.
I am currently on a phased return ( supposed to work 12 hrs).
Do not rush back. I found it helped to get my manager to brief my team and also met up with some prior to my return.
It helped me to acknowledge our loss and not keep it a secret.
I went mad googling about what is normal. Then I realised I am lucky to get paid sick and was gonna dam well take it.
Take care of yourself and things do get better ( then worse again). Be honest if you feel able to share. Co workers are generally too scared to pry.
When people ask how I'm doing I respond with "getting there"

I had 2 weeks off, and after 4 days back am now at home again today because I've overdone it and am exhausted - slept in until gone 10am. Mine was a mmc so the first week was "waiting for it to happen", a little bit of emotional prep too but to be honest it didn't really hit me until the physical stuff started 6 days after diagnosis, for which I was very glad to be at home. The second week was recovery, mostly of energy levels, although I had a few physical wobbles too. The dr at hospital gave me a sick note for those 2 weeks straight away, and would have written "gynae problems" on it if I wanted.

However long you take, be sure also to take it easy when you go back. A day out at work requires a lot more physical and mental energy than a day at home.

All the best at this horrible time.

Thank you all for your help & advice. Had an ERPC yesterday and the hospital signed me off for a week. I hope this will be sufficient buy if not I can see my doctor. Getting there physically. Thank heavens for office toilets to hide in if the testiness comes!