Due date approaching: how did you feel?

[philbee]

The baby I was meant to have was due in Jan, and I had really hoped we could be away for that week so that we could be doing family things and having fun away from normal life. My DD will start school next year and the one she is likely to go to has their only open day two day before the due date. I was really upset when I heard, got very stressed (not at them) and said we would be away, and they have kindly arranged for us to visit another time.

But I don't know if I'm being too over the top about it. I might feel ok, but I might feel really gutted. Just wondering what others' experiences of their due dates coming round were and whether I should keep blocking out that week etc. or whether that might just make it worse. DH seems reluctant to commit to going away and I think he thinks I'm being melodramatic (not that harsh but can't think of a better word).

Hi, so sorry for your loss.
My due date was bonfire night and it actually wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. There was a minor breakdown earlier in the week when the calendar was turned to November and the little star I'd drawn came into view and of course on Saturday itself I had a morning meltdown but DH was really good and very supportive and we got through it.

It does get easier but your post just made me cry again so obv it takes a while.

Hi philbee
I know how you are feeling, I was meant to be due Jan 1st so I am not looking forward to New year at all, I thought I was okay but the nearer the due date is the more worried I am about how I will feel on the day.

hi, i had MMC in april this year. i was due 15th oct and to mark the day my DP and i went away and stayed in a spa hotel. we only wanted to be with each other. i also had 3 friends due around the same time as me (literally days apart!!) thats been the hardest thing. ive been happy for them though, and have gone to visit the babies, but its bittersweet for me :(

i am currently 5wks pregnant and i am tyrying not to worry, this is very hard though and makes it virtually impossible to get excited :(

im thinking of you all x

I remember being upset when the due date for my first pregnancy came round (I had had a MMC before 12 weeks). I don't think I told anyone, but it did affect me.

Then I had a DS, then earlier this year I had a second MMC. This time I had some investigations done after my ERPC and found out that the baby had a chromosomal problem incompatible with life. I found it very helpful to have this knowledge, as I came to terms with the fact that the pregnancy was never going to have ended well, with a baby in my arms around my due date.

I was also very lucky in that by the time my due date came around this year I was pregnant again and past the really worrying first months. Of course I did still think about my baby on the due date (and still do) but it is with sadness looking back on a sad time in our lives rather than feeling newly upset on the day IYSWIM. It is hard though - and with the best will in the world, most people won't remember the due dates of friends who have miscarried (and in lots of cases won't have known the due date to start with).

Good luck to everyone on this thread and I hope you all end up with the family size you want, without any more heartbreak.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, and good luck to you, no1childminder - I hope it all works out for you this time. There's no chance of my being past 12 weeks when the due date comes now, even if I got pg this month. When it first happened I felt desperate to be pg by January, but this month I'm feeling calmer about it and focusing on other things. I can't really go on being stressed about it - we've been ttcing or I've been pg for a year now, and until July I was a complete nightmare about it, really stressed and angry all the time. So I've got to chill out really. It seems unlikely I'll be pg by Jan, for some reason.

From what you've said I think it makes sense for me to keep the week as free as possible, even if we don't go away. Dothestrand - I know people won't remember, and that's fine. If I have a bad week I am OK to tell people why at the time. I am a bit worried as a good friend is due two weeks after that, and she has no family nearby, so I will feel bad if I can't help out, but I've overstretched emotionally in the past, and then felt really upset afterwards, so am a bit wary of offering too much really.

Roz - I feel the same, sometimes I'm fine, and sometimes it's just gutting all over again. I think the bad times are getting less though and, as I say, this month I've felt like it's not on my mind all the time.

Lilpud - I'm sorry to have made you cry, but thank you for letting me know how you felt on your due date, it is helpful.

TBH for both of my MMC the due date was a real non event. BUT I was pregnant again on both occasions so I think that really helped. If I wasn't it would have been a much bigger deal I'm sure. Hope you're OK OP

After my first miscarriage (which was my first pregnancy) I was quite upset when the due date came around and for a while afterwards too. Other people I knew had babies around the same time and it was hard to see pictures of their babies growing and thinking of what might have been.

I also miscarried my second pregnancy and the due date is coming up soon. To be honest it will be much easier for me this time as I am pregnant again but if I wasn't I think it would be very hard again.

I think it is better to acknowledge the day and talk about it and even do something special for it if you think it will help. Rather than treating it as any other day and trying to ignore it. It should have been a special day for you and I think it is an important part of the healing process to recognise that.

Hi philbee - im sure we was on the same thread although was due late dec 2011 - so due date just after christmas i already feeling the sadness coming!
1, was hoping i would be pregnant again by now!
2, have so many new borns and pregnant people around me regular!

3, i know all the other thread members are all discussing births and cots etc!!!!

i do hope that you find the best ways forwards to deal with the upcoming due date! i do like the idea of planting a flower or marking it with something like a balloon release with a message tied onto it!
do take good care and if you want to come over to the conception thread we are there all supporting each other on the bid to try again!
ps - changed my name from Mama5!!!!!!!!!

Hey Mama5! Good to hear from you. And I'm happy to hear from those who were pg again. I'm not pg now, and can't really see it happening by Jan, but even if it does, I won't be 12 weeks yet, so am thinking that won't be much consolation. I also know ppl who are due around then, so might be a bit down. It is hard to see others progressing and feel like you've dropped out and been left behind. Thanks for the invite to the conception thread, but I'm really just trying to stay away from all that at the moment and forget that we are trying, otherwise I spend my time stressing and wondering. DH and i have our unromantic schedule and are just hoping it happens that way without charts etc. as I think i would find the monitoring very stressful.

hi Philbee - i totally understand and i dont do any charting or poaos as yet just roughly trying to have SWi at the time when i believe im most fertile, still not happened as yet but not that worried for i know it will happen again!
i think you and dh should go for wotever method suits you best!
i pray you get your hearts desire very soon hopefully see you on another thread real soon xxx