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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

MMC - staff at John Radcliffe in Oxford

6 replies

Dorris83 · 04/11/2011 12:01

I would like to write to thank the staff at the John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford for their kind and thoughtful care of my husband and I this week.

MY DH and I got pregnant and were surprised, but happy about it. I had all the symptoms going, and checked my babycentre app daily, and I joined the 'Any May Babies' thread on the Antenatal forum. It was like having an amazing secret that only my DH and I knew.

At 11 weeks, we told my parents, who were more thrilled than I imagined they would be. My mum immediately started talking about making baby clothes, and lecturing me on the importance of a healthy diet.

I was so excited about our baby.

On Tuesday this week we went for our first scan. I was 13+2. We had to wait for about an hour past our appointment to see the midwife, but it was fine. My DH bought the token so that we could buy a photo of the scan, and we were all set to see our baby for the first time.

DH and I have both said since, that we knew the moment she started scanning me. Our baby, didn't have a heartbeat, and had stopped growing at 9 weeks.

I am afraid that this is where it all gets a little blurry for me. I can't remember any names, although everyone introduced themselves to me.

The midwife that did our scan was very kind. She got a nurse who was there to take us to the emergency gynae department. She said how sorry she was, and warned us that we would have to walk past the waiting room full of pregnant women. I didnt see any of them.

The nurses in the emergency gynae department put us straight into the doctor's office, and the doctor gave us a moment, then came to see us. She talked very rationally about our options, and we decided to go for the 'natural management'- ie wait 2 weeks.

We went home, and then went out for some lunch, and it didnt really seem real. I had a glass of wine with lunch, for the first time since we found out I was pregnant. It seemed a little wrong though, as if I was celebrating, but we werent...

I came on this forum in the afternoon and read about other people's natural miscarriage experiences, and one really resonated with me. Someone had written that they wished someone had told them how scary and painful it was going to be. I decided, on reading that, that I would have the ERPC.

The next morning I was on my way to work and rang the hospital and burst into tears on the phone. The very kind lady in gynae said I could come in that day, so I went home and rang DH. DH spoke to his boss who was very understanding, and DH and came home immediately.

Everyone we saw at the hospital was incredibly kind. We had to wait for a blood test in a waiting room, and one of the nurses came and hussled us out of the waiting room and into an examination room. This is becasue we had been sharing the waiting room with a very pregnant lady.

I felt very well cared for the whole day, I didnt have to think about anything. The doctor and the anaesthetist both came and introduced themselves before the procedure, gave me time to ask questions, and said how sorry they were.

The one name I can remember is Carol, the nurse on the Day ward that took care of me. She was completely understanding, caring and sensitive.

I appreciate so much the help, sensitivity and kindness of the staff at the JR in Oxford. I believe they represent true excellence in care, and my DH and I are so grateful.

I am back home now, and truly heartbroken. I don't know how to stop feeling this sad. I just keep thinking of our tiny baby, on the scan, who couldnt stay with us. My husband is sad, and worried about me. I dont think he knows what to do. I don't know what to do.

I am going back to work on Monday. I don't want to talk about it with anyone. But I feel like a different person, and it is not fair because no one is going to know that I am different.

I have been thinking about writing this since I came onto this forum on Tuesday. It was invaluable in helping me to decide how we should proceed. I think the Mumsnet campaign for better miscarriage care is obviously needed, but I just wanted to share my experience, with the staff at the JR in Oxford, who were excellent.

OP posts:
pookiecat · 04/11/2011 17:22

Iam so glad you received the care you did at such a sad time. Dont go back to work until you feel ready , could say you had flu ? Try and be kind to yourself, you will never forget but life does get back to normal[ I had a missed mc in August.] Take care

MrBloomsNursery · 05/11/2011 00:08

Just wanted to say that I have experience of suffering a few mc's and being treated at the JR. The staff there are incredibly kind, understanding sympathetic and happy to explain things or just listen. I really can't fault them with their level of competence and am so thankful that it's my local hospital.

Dorris83 · 05/11/2011 05:40

Thanks pookie I mIght say the flu thing. Il see how monday goes and how I cope. Il avoid the pregnant women and focus on work. Thank you for the news that it gets easier, right now I find that hard to picture.

OP posts:
UserNameAngst · 05/11/2011 22:32

Dorris, I am so sorry to hear this. I feel moved by your post as I went through a very similar experience 6 weeks ago - Carol was also my nurse. I completely agree with you about the sensitivity of the staff at the JR.

I know everyone handles things differently but ime it does get easier to deal with as time goes by, especially I think if you've given yourself a proper chance to grieve.

pookiecat · 06/11/2011 15:08

Dorris, things do get easier, you learn to live with the pain and longing. Take some time out for yourself, do something for you, a pedicure, new boots, a new book, anything. Remember so many people have gone through what you have, once you are able to talk about it you will find so many that have. xx

marthamay · 17/11/2011 14:24

I also suffered a mmc at the JR and yes they were fantastic. They were also very very supportive when I went up five months later for my 12 week scan on another, subsequent pregnancy. I was terrified of the same thing happening, beside myself, and the sonographer was so, so kind and sensitive to the situation.

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